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Monday Aug 26, 2024
Monday Aug 26, 2024
Special Patreon Re-Release: Unexpected Story of Trauma, Anxiety, Adoption, and Hope with Bettina Stevens
**Transcription Below**
Psalms 69:29 + 30 (NIV) "But as for me, afflicted and in pain - may your salvation, God, protect me. I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving."
Bettina Stevens is married to her high school sweetheart, Paul, and they have been married 11 years. She is mama to three - Jordan and Sebastian, both adopted from Uganda, and Olivia adopted from China. She navigates special needs and trauma between all 3 of her kiddos, and she and Paul are also licensed foster parents. Her house is always filled with noise and the scent of something baking in the oven. Bettina has her doctorate in Physical Therapy, but has stepped away from this role to pursue caring for her children full-time and running their nonprofit, Reclaimed Hope Initiative. Reclaimed Hope was founded in 2018 and seeks to support and advocate for foster, adoptive and special needs families in their community. It was born from a place of loneliness, isolation and grief in their own journey, and exists to be a voice for families walking through trauma, crisis or hardship. Bettina couldn't do what she does without Jesus, and cherishes the quiet moments of prayer in the morning before the sound of footsteps begin. She loves to serve others through good food, scrumptious desserts and a listening ear, and seeks to sit with people through their darkest moments.
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Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
**Transcription**
[00:00:00] <music>
Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.
[00:00:17] <music>
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But in 2024, we transitioned away from Patreon when we became a non-profit called The Savvy Sauce Charities. [00:01:18] The podcast is part of this non-profit, which exists to resource loved ones to inspire growth and intimacy with God and others.
So people used to pay to support us through Patreon, but now they can just donate directly to our non-profit. We spend thousands of dollars each year to record and produce these episodes, and we do pray that they're beneficial and that God sees fit to use them to be transformational in your life.
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We have all the details on our website, thesavvysauce.com, but feel free to also reach out to our team anytime if you want to partner together. Our email address is info@thesavvysauce.com. [00:02:23]
My guest is the founder of Reclaimed Hope Initiative, Bettina Stevens.
Here's our chat.
Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Bettina.
Bettina Stevens: Hi, Laura. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Laura Dugger: Well, let's just begin here. How did you originally come to faith in Christ?
Bettina Stevens: I grew up in the church. My father has been a pastor for as long as I can remember, and probably about 25 years even before I was born. So I've always had God in my life in some way, shape, or form.
But honestly, it wasn't really until I went to college that I really found my own relationship with God that didn't feel like it was something that I was taught growing up, or part of just an expectation of my life in my upbringing. It was just a really beautiful time for me to really connect with Him in a different way and really kind of, you know, reconstruct and deconstruct some of the things I've learned and really create that into my own faith relationship with Him. [00:03:32]
Laura Dugger: Well, when you think back to that pivotal time in college when you're making that relationship your own with Christ, how did you anticipate your life playing out at that point?
Bettina Stevens: My husband and I were high school sweethearts, so we have been together for a very long time and were together all through college. So we kind of always planned on getting married soon after college. We always said we'd have four kids, two biological, two adopted. That was always part of the plan.
Then I had always wanted to become a physical therapist. So after college, I had planned to apply to physical therapy school, get my doctorate, and then really just kind of start our life together. You know, we talked about traveling and regular time away and really just diving into being a young married couple and just growing our family. [00:04:30]
So, yeah, even in college, this was something we kind of actively talked about and played through in our lives, and we were just excited to get that started.
Laura Dugger: So you two are in college and you're dreaming about the future, but you already had mentioned that adoption was in the plan. So do you remember how old you were when God first laid the idea of adoption on your heart?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah. I never grew up with adoption in my life, except through the story of my birth. My parents actually had planned to adopt a child between my brother, who's older than me, and my birth. Actually, that little girl was stolen from them before they were even able to bring her home. It was a very heartbreaking story for them, but something that God really laid on their hearts of adoption and how that would play out.
And so it was just a really beautiful story of redemption for them in terms of this little girl was stolen from them on January 15th, 1985. Both of my parents really still felt like they were supposed to have another baby. [00:05:42]
I was actually born January 15th, 1987, like two years to the day, to the hour that that little girl was stolen from my parents. So that was always a part of my story, always told to me in different ways. And so, I don't know, I always feel like I had that adoption seed within me from a very young age. It was just something I was always open to and curious about.
Then as I got older, honestly, I've never really felt compelled to have biological children. It was never really something that I dreamed of or longed for. I talked to so many other women who were like, Oh, I just always wanted to be a mom or I always wanted to be pregnant. And that was just never my story.
I was actually really nervous about being a mom and I was really nervous about kind of what that would look like. It was just never something I felt compelled to do. We talked about biological kids because I felt like that's what you do. You get married and you have biological children. [00:06:44]
But adoption was always a part of my plan, really just in feeling like there's so many children in the world who need a family. And why couldn't we do that for them?
So whenever Paul and I were talking about it, even early on in our marriage, I would say for me, that seed was really planted towards the end of high school, beginning of college, where I really felt like, yes, I want to be an adoptive mother, whatever that may look like. I don't know. But that seed was really planted deep.
Then I remember being very nervous to bring it up with Paul and talk with him through that. He was totally on board when we finally had the conversation and felt very similar. So that was just really confirming for me in our marriage and in our relationship. And it was just always part of our plan after that. So, you know, we didn't ever really know what that would look like but we were both very much on the same page from the beginning.
And it really wasn't until our first mission trip to Uganda in 2014 that we both felt like God was telling us that it was time to pursue our first adoption. [00:07:46]
Laura Dugger: Okay. There are a few parts that I want to elaborate on here. So with you and Paul discussing this, you said he was on board right away. Was it something that he just was at peace with through conversation with you or was it something that he also had felt called to before you even talked about it?
Bettina Stevens: I really feel like it was something he felt called to before we even talked about it. I'm not sure that he had really put words to it until we had the conversation. But he very much has felt that same calling of just, you know, I don't feel like we have to have biological children.
I don't know, I remember our first conversation and feeling so much relief in that of just like, wow, we both really feel like we are on the same page. And really realizing how unique that is, because the majority of families that we talk to, it's really the wife who kind of is more on board in terms of adoption, and the husband kind of comes around eventually. [00:08:47] Obviously that's not everyone's story, but the majority it is.
For us to just feel like we were on the same page and ready to take that step together was very reassuring and just a clear calling from God for us, knowing that we were both already there together.
Laura Dugger: If this is too intrusive, you don't have to answer. But I'm also curious, when you say that this daughter born the same day, two years prior to your birth, when you say she was stolen from your parents, can you share that story?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah, of course. So I have two older brothers before me, and then my parents both really felt called to adopt as well. And so they had done all the paperwork, gone through the entire process, and they flew to Mexico to pick up their daughter, who they had already prayed for, like created a family around.
She was being cared for by the village doctor and his wife. [00:09:49] And at the time, the village doctor's wife really felt like she was her daughter. So my parents flew in, they met with the doctor, they saw their daughter, and then the next day, when they were supposed to come back and sign the paperwork to be able to officially make her theirs and bring her back home, the doctor's wife had fled with her.
And so they spent the next few days really just trying to find their baby and figure out what happened. And it was just so heartbreaking because unfortunately it didn't happen and they couldn't find her.
So they flew home kind of not really knowing what to do and feeling, I guess, a balance of anger and being so heartbroken at the same time. My mom said it really took her a year before she felt like she was able to even begin the journey of forgiveness for this woman and never realizing that they would find their baby again. [00:10:50] So it was just a crazy story of heartbreak for them.
During that time, my mom still really felt led to have another baby. The funny part is she had asked my dad, "I really feel led to continue growing our family," and my dad was like, no, we're good. I think we're good. We have two boys like this awful thing just happened. Why would we put ourselves through something more?"
And so my mom just said, "Can you go away for the weekend and pray? And if God tells you we're not supposed to have another baby, then I will just let that go. But if He tells you we are, then let's continue this journey of parenthood."
And so my dad went away. And he's told me so many times that he went away thinking he was just going to spend three days relaxing, you know? He said he spent about 48 hours just sleeping and hanging out and then had this really huge conviction from God and so started praying. [00:11:49] God did very much confirm that they were supposed to have another baby but He also confirmed that it would be a girl.
My dad wrote down the day I would be born, the time, my height, my weight, my gender in a journal that he felt like God really shared with him. And I was born to those exact specifications two years to the day that little baby was stolen from them. So just a really beautiful story of heartbreak and redemption on the other side for them.
Laura Dugger: Oh, my goodness, I've got tears in my eyes just thinking of that up-and-down journey for them. When we get to hear this years later and we get to see even little bits of God working all of these things together for good, it's so encouraging to see that. But yet I'm sure living in the moment when your daughter is stolen from you and you're going through the process of forgiveness, there's just so much at that time I can see where it would have been a really difficult season. [00:12:53] And I'm sure you were such a joy.
Bettina Stevens: Yeah, absolutely. You know, my mom says she didn't find out if it was a boy or girl intentionally because she didn't want to be sad. And my dad didn't tell her that he had all that information until after I was born. So it was kind of this, you know, like God secret that my dad had that he just said, "We'll just wait and see." And then after the fact, so confirming for both of them.
Laura Dugger: Wow. Well, then for you specifically, has there been any scripture that God's used to provide you with comfort along the way as well?
Bettina Stevens: Oh, definitely. You know, it's funny, Paul and I say all the time that we felt very prepared for adoption going into it. We read all the books, we did all the training. And really, once we got into it, we realized how naive we were to actually understanding what it would look like. But also really just trusting God in a way that we hadn't before. [00:13:57]
I remember just waiting for the adoption was so hard because you get paired with these children and you're praying over them and you're looking at their pictures and you're just imagining what life with them will look like and never really knowing when you'll get to meet them.
So much of that is out of your control and in the control of the United States government, but also whatever country you may potentially be adopting from if you're doing an international adoption. So for me, I remember just reading the Psalms over and over and over again in the waiting and just really asking God to bring me that comfort, and that that dichotomy of lament and praise in the Psalms that David does so clearly, I just remember reading them over and over and over again during the year and a half we waited to bring our boys home for the first time.
And then so many scriptures since then, since bringing our boys home. I remember the first time I read Hagar's story and realizing it's the only time in the Bible that God is called El Roi, the God who sees. [00:15:00] And I remember being so encouraged by that of just He is seeing everything and knowing everything, even in the midst of so much despair or heartbreak or difficulty. And that is something I've held on to for a really long time.
Laura Dugger: And now this just makes me want to hear even more of your own adoption story with your children. So can you give us some more details about how long you and Paul were married before you got to bring home your first children and catch us up on growing your family to this point?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah. So Paul and I were married in 2009 and we didn't bring our boys home until 2015. So leading up to that point, we really were set on just having a good five or six years just being married and getting to know each other as husband and wife and really just solidifying our relationship in a more tangible way that really felt like we were connected and kind of ready to bring children into the world and parents. [00:16:03]
We really thought we would have two biological children first, mainly just because that's what you do once you're married, and then we would adopt later. So that was something that was always kind of part of our planning and thought process.
But we had a really beautiful time in Uganda when we went on our first mission trip there. We worked at a school and just went with a small team to just kind of bring resources. And we did vacation Bible school and a bunch of other things.
And we were just totally rocked by this trip. It was just the most tangible encounter with God that both of us had ever had and just such a beautiful, confirming feeling of kind of all these things that we felt like we were desiring in terms of our family.
We both had this experience. We come home, and I just remember the first week home, we both kind of looked at each other and said, like, "I feel like we're supposed to adopt now." And we are both on the same page, 100 percent. [00:17:04] And just a really confirming feeling.
So then from there, we both really felt led to adopt in Uganda, obviously having this beautiful experience. But we had really been connected with this school since 2011. And so just really feeling like we love the people of Uganda, we love the country of Uganda. You know, we've had such beautiful times there with Jesus and we really felt led to that.
So we started the adoption process in July of 2014 and we traveled to Uganda in August of 2015. But we actually didn't bring our boys home until November of 2015. So Paul and I lived in Uganda for almost four months to complete the adoption process there before we could bring them home.
Laura Dugger: And then the Lord continued growing your family even after getting to have your two boys come home with you. Is that right?
Bettina Stevens: Correct. Yeah. So after our boys had been home about a year, Paul and I just really felt like we were supposed to continue growing our family. [00:18:05] We saw a picture of this little girl on a waiting child list from China. I just remember looking at the picture and I said to Paul, "This is our daughter. I know that this feels so soon. We just brought the boys home. We're still adjusting to being a family of four, but I really feel like she's our daughter." Paul was like, "Okay, I'm in. Let's go figure this out together."
It was just the most peaceful process from the start, because we really just asked God very boldly if she's supposed to be our daughter, let someone donate all the money for her application, and then that would happen.
Or I would say, Lord, if she's supposed to be our daughter, we're supposed to bring her home into our family, let all of these doctors that I called that I'm waiting to call me back, let them call me back. Let one call me back today before noon. [00:19:05] And then like all six called me back that morning.
It was just the whole process was that way with her of just this total and complete peace and just God really reaffirming that decision time and time again, even when the majority of our friends and family thought we were kind of crazy for pursuing another adoption.
Specifically, her file was very much special needs in terms of her cognitive abilities and what that would look like. We really didn't know the severity of her needs. So we were kind of taking a leap of faith in what her file said compared to what we felt like God was asking us to do.
Laura Dugger: But it seems so evident that God was very eager to confirm that decision and just to be gracious to you and let you know this is your daughter indeed.
Bettina Stevens: Absolutely. Yes. After bringing her home, I've never been more sure of anything. She is just such a joy and has brought so much love and peace and just healing to our family in so many ways. [00:20:08] So it's only been confirmed over and over again since we brought her home.
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Laura Dugger: And you mentioned that there were some special needs. Do you want to share anything about your children and what's unique to them?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah. So with any adoption, there is a lot of trauma that comes with that. So all of these kiddos have had such a difficult upbringing, depending on how many years they've been in an institution or what experiences they've had, even pre-institution. [00:22:17] And so that was something that we felt like we had prepared for, but was much more severe when we adopted our children than what we anticipated.
Even with our boys, we had checked that we wanted no intellectual disabilities. We were not even actually approved for a special needs adoption at the time and we were told we were adopting two 4-year-old boys who were, quote-unquote, healthy. And in the adoption world, you take that as a grain of salt because you don't actually know what that all looks like or how that has played out in their lives.
But when we flew to Uganda, we realized very quickly that our oldest son had pretty significant needs. So at four, he was nonverbal and we weren't sure if it was autism or something more of a genetic disorder or what was going on. It really wasn't until we brought him home that we kind of got all that confirmed.
But he does have fairly significant autism and severe PTSD. In addition to ADHD, he has an autoimmune disorder called PANS, and he also has sensory processing disorder. [00:23:29] So quite a handful of needs that we were definitely not prepared for.
Really, we laughed because we checked all those boxes of no and that's exactly what we got in our son. And so we just felt like, "Okay, God, you're asking us to do this. We checked all those no boxes, but apparently you had different plans." So it has really been a leap of faith for us to just trust God in that process because we felt totally unequipped and unprepared.
Then our other son is more neurotypical, but still has quite a bit of sensory needs and trauma needs. He has also fairly significant ADHD. And so that plays out very differently than our son with autism. But both, you know, very high needs in general.
Then our daughter has two very rare medical syndromes. So she has Sturge-Weber syndrome and then PPV, which stands for Phakomatosis Pigmentovascularis, which is highly rare. [00:24:34] There's only 500 documented cases internationally ever.
Her diagnoses were territory that even the most specialized physicians were still really unsure of. And so we had a range of ideas after we talked to the doctor of her cognitive ability and what that would look like. And it was extreme. It was all the way to she could be fairly normal, all the way to she could have daily seizures and we may have to remove half of her brain. It was just this huge spectrum of medical needs that they were like, You're just going to have to wait and see.
And I just remember at that moment, Paul and I looking at each other and we both just said, like, "She's already our daughter. And if God has confirmed it, He will make a way." And we really just felt peace even in the midst of that diagnosis.
And then, you know, it's so funny, we always say we tried to adopt another child with special needs and it didn't happen because she got home and she is brilliantly smart and no cognitive disability at all. [00:25:43] She's speaking, talking, walking, running, jumping. She's such a joy to have in our lives.
And while she does have some medical diagnoses that we regularly have to get treated, cognitively, she's perfectly intact and no seizures to date or anything like that. So we've really been blessed by God's just fruition in her life.
Laura Dugger: Just hearing everything that maybe was shocking at first to get different diagnoses, how has this adoption journey impacted your marriage?
Bettina Stevens: Paul and I laugh because pre-adoption, we always said, "Oh, we're going to be really flexible parents, you know, the ones that let the kids nap in the car. When we go on vacation, they can sleep on the beach and just we're going to travel with them." And we laugh now because our son's needs, my son with autism, he has to have such a structured and routine day. [00:26:48] And so, you know, we laugh that it's been very opposite of what we intended our parenting to look like.
But in terms of our marriage, it's really come down to a lot less quality time, a lot more stress and a lot of sacrificing kind of our wants and desires and even friendships to parent our children well. We really just didn't expect the amount of trauma our children would come home with. And really, it has been a constant battle for Paul and I to stay connected and motivated to care for each other after all the care we give to our children in the day.
So, yeah, it's been something that we have to be incredibly intentional about in order to keep our marriage healthy.
Laura Dugger: I appreciate that real response, because how do you even find the capacity to be intentional? And then what do you and Paul do to stay connected?
Bettina Stevens: So lots of conversation. I will say Paul and I had a long-distance relationship for about four years before we were married as we navigated college. [00:27:55] And as hard as that was, I realized what a blessing it was for us to have to communicate everything we needed over the phone because we couldn't be physically present with each other.
There's so much body language that you get from just seeing somebody with your eyes, and we were not able to do that. So much communication had to happen over the phone. And that has been such a blessing for a foundation for our marriage, because now I feel like we can actually converse really well.
We do daily, weekly check-ins around our days, logistics, schedules, emotions, routines, like we're very structured in terms of setting aside time to just check in with each other. Then there's a ton of vulnerability and just willingness to share the dark moments no matter where we are.
So we never sugarcoat things with each other. We never try to just feel optimistic because we should be optimistic. We're really honest, even if it's really difficult to hear. [00:28:52] And I think that that has been just definitely a root for the foundation of our healthy marriage.
The other thing that we do is a lot of tag teaming and gap parenting is what we call it. We kind of say together we need to be 100% for our kids, but there's days where maybe I'm 25% and so I need him to be the 75% and vice versa. So we communicate that a lot of like, "Hey, I woke up at 50% today and I'm not sure I'm going to make it to 100%.
So really just being willing to pick up the slack for one another in really intentional ways. And then, oh, my gosh, so much grace for each other. We are very intentional about praying together and just spending time together with Christ.
Laura Dugger: Just hearing that level of teamwork, I'm sure it's something that many marriages have never experienced before. So it's beautiful to hear how you both can help fill in with each other and encourage each other. I'd also just love for you to educate us with some of the struggles that are specific to families raising children with special needs or trauma in their backgrounds. [00:30:01]
Bettina Stevens: Yeah, so adoption is unique in the fact that I tell people all the time the foundation of adoption is loss and grief and abandonment. And those three things are ingrained in our children's cellular memory before they even come home to us. So even if you adopt a child at birth, they know if they've had a connection with their birth mom or not, or they know the trauma that has happened to their birth mom in utero. And that doesn't just go away because now that they have a family.
That was something that I'm not sure I quite understood until we had our children in front of us and just saw the amount of turmoil they were in in trying to understand who we were, understand what a family even was, and then how to really let some of their walls down to be able to trust us.
Unlike a biological child where most of the time they're feeling the love from their mom, from the dad, from siblings, from extended family, from a child who knows they're wanted from the beginning, that is very much lost in adoption. [00:31:09]
Then on top of that, a lot of these children do have special needs due to potentially harmful things that happened in utero or just a lack of development, depending on what country they're from or where they were birthed. So all of those things you don't really know until the child is in front of you. And I always say it's like a thousand-piece puzzle you only have 250 pieces to, and you're just trying to fill in the gaps as you go.
But for us in particular, with our son with PTSD, he is very terrified of a lot of things and has very specific triggers. So community access is so difficult for us. Even going to church is very difficult for us. You know, he can't attend a regular camp and we don't do playdates. Even going to a public park or something like that is very challenging in terms of him feeling safe and knowing that something is not going to hurt him. [00:32:08]
And so it's really just taken consistent love and grace and understanding and empathy and really just showing up for them over and over and over again before they even begin to let their walls down.
So many of these kids, they've been forced to be survivors. Chronologically, they're 10 potentially, but emotionally and developmentally, typically they're about half their age, so 5. But they have the street smarts of a 35-year-old because they've learned how to cope and how to make sure that their needs are met, however that needs to happen.
Once they're brought into a family, all of those behaviors are ingrained in them and it takes such a long time and really so much intentionality for them to even let you take care of them.
And so, yeah, that was something that we just never quite realized in terms of trauma and how that would play out in our home and just all the behaviors that would come from that.
You really, as a parent, you have to push past the behavior to realize that these kids are simply trying to communicate something to you. [00:33:14] For us, we've dealt with physical aggression and verbal aggression, lots and lots of really mean things said to us. Then our other son he dissociates. So they talk about fight, flight, or freeze, and we have one of each in our home, which makes me laugh. But you have to parent them drastically differently as a result because their survival instinct kicks in and what works for one doesn't work for another.
So I have one son who fights when he's angry or scared. I have another son who freezes when he's angry or scared. And then my daughter runs. She's our flight. She's nervous, scared whenever she is running away from us, from somebody as fast as possible, trying to protect herself.
And so, you know, we thought like, oh, we'll do X, Y and Z as parents and that will work for our children. And realizing very quickly that there's a very different concoction for each child that we have to utilize in order to meet the needs of their heart. So that was just something that was very unexpected for us and has taken just a lot of education on our part to figure that out. [00:34:26]
Laura Dugger: I'd love to hear you unpack that a little bit further. So could you give a few helpful examples of how you parent well for someone who does retreat to fight, flight, or freeze?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah, of course. So for my son who fights, typically when I see him escalating, we have to get to a safe place fairly quickly for us as parents, for his siblings, and for himself. A lot of adopted children who have physical aggression as part of their behaviors, they will often do self-harm as well in addition to harming others.
For us, that's we've created a very safe, what we call our safe room in our home. And so when we see him starting to escalate, we get to the safe room and I just stay present with him. I don't talk to him. I don't try to prompt him to do anything until he's calm. We use the zones of regulation for that. [00:35:24]
So I don't know how familiar your listeners are, but essentially it's colors where kids don't necessarily have to say I'm angry or I'm sad. They can just say what zone they're in. So the green zone is happy and calm, ready to learn. They feel safe. The yellow zone is silly, goofy, maybe a little anxious, or scared. The blue zone is sad or tired. You know, maybe just feeling lethargic for the day. And then the red zone is unsafe, angry, mad, yelling, hitting.
So a lot of times I will just note, you know, we've made a rule in our home that if either of us are in the yellow zone or red zone, we're not going to talk about it until we're both calm. A lot of that for my son with physical aggression is just being present with him in the room and letting himself cope as long as he's not self-harming to make sure that he stays safe and we stay safe.
And then once he's calm, then we debrief what happened and problem solve together how we could do that differently the next time. [00:36:26] You know, sometimes that's 20 minutes and sometimes it's three hours. And it just totally depends on the day and his ability to regulate that day. That's something that we have set in place very quickly and are able to kind of manage as he gets older and larger.
And then we do use the zones of regulation for all three, because I think that's incredibly helpful. Our other son who freezes, who dissociates, he kind of goes into his own world when he's feeling scared or anxious or upset. A lot of times for us, that's just sitting with him. He typically tries to retreat, like he'll hide it under his bed or in a different space.
We have created what we call break spaces in our home that are okay for him to sit in when he needs a break. That way we're not hiding. There's so much shame from these kids. And so that need to hide comes from that internal shame.
And so we've really tried to deconstruct that with him of there's no shame in feeling emotion. And we really are here with you no matter what you're feeling or thinking. [00:37:33]
We have kind of three or four break spaces in the house that he can go sit in that has all sorts of sensory things he can fidget with or read or play with or draw just to kind of get himself back to being present. And then again, we sit with him and talk through what happened and how we could do that differently or potentially what was a trigger for him in that moment. So very different in terms of the aggression versus the disassociation.
Then my daughter is a fighter. When she starts to get dysregulated or upset, again, we prompt her to a break space. But a lot of times we have to prompt her to her room.
And then we just sit in there with her so that she can't run away from the problem, that she can't just ignore what's happening, that again, we help her regulate and calm down and then we talk through what happened and figure out what we could do differently.
But it is just so different for each of them and how you can get to the root of their heart and their triggers is very different. [00:38:38] We just have to play that by ear a lot and lots of what we call practicing outside the moment. So for all of our kids, we practice these coping strategies when they're calm, when they're in the green zone, when we're all feeling good so that when they get to maybe the yellow or red zone, there's more muscle memory there for them to know what to do and how to do that better.
Laura Dugger: Bettina, your intentionality in parenting is just astonishing.
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I appreciate you had given us a few things to consider that we may not be aware of if we're not parenting a child who's had trauma in their past or has unique special needs. But then coming more to you and Paul's story, what are some of the unexpected challenges that have come from parenting?
Bettina Stevens: Honestly, I didn't quite expect the amount of loneliness and isolation that would come in parenting children from trauma and parenting children with special needs. It's just a unique balance in trying to care for your children and trying to find time to feel like yourself again. [00:40:37]
Often in the seasons that we've had pretty intense mental health crises with our children, I've often felt like their needs always trump my own needs, which isn't healthy at the time. But I feel like that's kind of what we need to do to survive.
The things that I just never expected were little to no sleep. We've had seasons where my boys haven't slept for 60 straight nights and not even a wink. So we're just up with them all day, all night managing their triggers or their emotions.
The physical aggression and verbal aggression, of course, was not something I played out in my head as a parent. And having to, you know, keep a child safe who's your baby and you care for them while also trying to protect yourself, that was something that I just never envisioned as a parent.
Then a lot of it is just that feeling hopeless in the moments of like, God, you called us here and now we're here, and what do we do with all this difficulty in front of us? [00:41:43] And really, I never questioned my faith as much as I have in the last six years since we brought our boys home of just that hopeless feeling and feeling so isolated and alone and just really craving just relationship with people and relationship with God, you know.
Then the other thing is so many friendships lost. We've realized very quickly that the mess in our home, quote-unquote, is just a lot for people to walk into. And while some people are willing to show up in very surface-level ways, the majority of people are unwilling to really come in and see what's happening in front of us.
So we have lost a lot of friendships because unfortunately we can't go to parties or we can't go to playdates or we can't have people over like we used to as much because really we have to prioritize the needs of our children and the safety of their hearts. That has come very, very slow and steady with their ability to trust us and know that we are going to keep their interests in the forefront. [00:42:44]
Then I would say the biggest thing for me is I've had so many changes to my personality, a lot from the secondary trauma and compassion fatigue that comes from being a caregiver to children from trauma and also a caregiver for children with special needs.
So compassion fatigue is that emotional and physical exhaustion that really just diminishes your ability to empathize or feel compassion for others. Often people call it the negative cost of caring that happens over time as the intensity of your need to care-give is happening without reprieve.
So I feel like from the day we met our boys, you know, we have had to really jump in head first and really empathize and understand things that we never thought we could comprehend. And that hasn't gotten easier as they've gotten older. It's just gotten more intense in different ways. [00:43:45] So that compassion fatigue.
Then the secondary trauma is something that I never quite envisioned. And that is like the sudden development of our own PTSD symptoms that happen as a result of the trauma that you walk through with a child.
For me, that's become significant sensitivity to sound. So really hard for me to be in groups of people or louder areas. Even in the day, I often wear noise-canceling headphones in the day just to kind of drown out the world a little bit.
Hypervigilance and anxiety in situations outside our home with our children. So really having to feel like I am the giver of their safety, no matter where we are and outside our home, my hypervigilance and anxiety can be even more heightened just to make sure that obviously my kids are safe, but that other people are safe as well. And so, yeah, I've become a lot more introverted. I crave quiet more than ever.
Then really just figuring out having to regulate myself very differently than I did pre-parenting. [00:44:52] And just really allowing myself to be okay with letting a lot of things go in order to feel like our family is cared for well.
Laura Dugger: Just to lean into a few of those, do you feel like you have any support in this season to help stabilize some of those isolating feelings and all that you're facing?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah, little by little. The support group that I founded and the organization that I founded has just been a wonderful just breath of fresh air for me in that regard. Because unless you're parenting children like this, a lot of people just don't understand the depth of challenge and the depth of difficulty that comes in every day.
The families that we are in community with now since founding our organization has just been such a beautiful reprieve for our hearts to just feel seen in those moments and just for them to understand the nature of what it's like to have so much trauma in your home constantly, while also feeling like there's this expectation from the outside world to be a certain type of parent. [00:46:08] That dichotomy is really challenging to balance without somebody else anchoring you to the truth. Our community has just been a really beautiful balance for us in that moment.
Laura Dugger: It is amazing to think of the power of community.
Bettina Stevens: Yes, for sure.
Laura Dugger: What about... are there counseling resources available?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I would say I tell parents in particular all the time that there's no right way to do this. Every person is so different and every child is so different.
For me, I never envisioned myself needing a therapist. I felt like I was very well-versed in my emotions and my ability to have coping strategies in place. And oh, my goodness, realizing so quickly that having somebody objective to anchor you, to give you truth when it's really difficult to see who's also not in the trenches with you is really valuable. [00:47:14]
And so I highly recommend counseling for obviously for marriages, for couples, but also just for parents individually to work through your own trauma, your own insecurities, your own difficulties so that you can actually be a better parent for your kids.
I think that's different for every person, but really important to find a therapist who can understand adoption and foster care, trauma, special needs, so that when you're sharing things about your children or you're sharing emotions about yourself in terms of a reaction to your child's behavior, that there's an empathy and an understanding there that doesn't come from every therapist who maybe doesn't have experience with those types of situations.
So very encouraging to find someone that way. But I think that has been a beautiful part of my story just in terms of really anchoring myself to truth weekly in the midst of feeling so much overwhelm at times.
Laura Dugger: I think that is so wise. It's always helpful to hear both sides. [00:48:16] So now will you share what have been some of the greatest gifts and rewards of parenting?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah, absolutely. You know, I say all the time that adoption is equal parts brokenness and beauty, and that's so true. So having so much intentionality in our parenting and having to really change the way we think about our lives.
It has just been so beautiful to see my kids begin to understand their worth, to realize that they don't need to feel shame for everything that they do or say, for them to verbalize safety in our home. And when that happens, subsequently, they're able to share their hearts.
I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Hook, but the part where he kind of grabs his face and he's like, "There you are, Peter." That's how I feel with my kids all the time of just these glimpses of the tenderness of their hearts and just the beautiful pieces and gifts and talents that God placed in them in their mother's wombs. [00:49:22] You know, that those come out little by little by little as you peel away all of these layers of the onion.
So just those pieces of them where you get to see their true personality and their true selves has just been worth just every minute of heartache for us, because I always want them to just be their best selves and whatever that looks like. And just seeing them create their own relationship with Jesus has been so beautiful. So that is for sure the icing on the cake.
On my end of things, I think challenging myself to have really hard conversations around mental health, around race, around trauma and self-care has been such a great gift for me because it's something that I never really thought about. And now I'm really having to dive deep since I have two Black children and one Chinese daughter.
That is something that I have to constantly think about and put myself into and make myself feel uncomfortable so that I can make them have more safety around their identity and who they are on the outside, just as much as who they are on the inside. [00:50:29]
I say all the time that anything we do for God will more than likely never be comfortable. And that is something that I've really embraced in the parenting of my children. But just really being able to see their little hearts shine.
Laura Dugger: That is such a mature way to live. I want to go back. You had mentioned how powerful community has been. So can you think of what you would say is the most helpful thing that your community has done to support you and Paul and your family?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah. I would say the biggest thing that we've ever wanted that we still want to date is really just having people sit with us. I think there's something so powerful about just being physically present with somebody in some of their darkest moments and not trying to fix it or not trying to problem-solve, but really just saying, "Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. And I'm here for you." That has been the most powerful times of our lives where we've really felt seen. [00:51:31]
And obviously, in terms of seasons of crisis, people bringing food or doing some tangible things are wonderful. But really the thing that we need the most as a family is people just bearing witness to what's happening, even if it feels dark and heavy.
We've lost a lot of friends because we've had to hibernate with our kids as they heal and as we really allow them to feel safety. And so I think just people being willing to enter into that with you and really just sit with you has been the most powerful thing for our lives.
Laura Dugger: I'm more hesitant to ask the flip side, but I do think it's important for us to learn. Is there anything that's been the most harmful that your community maybe unintentionally did?
Bettina Stevens: I don't know that I realized how difficult it would be for people to want to empathize with what we were going through. And really that's what it's come down to is people having kind of the same expectations of us post-kids as they did pre-kids. [00:52:38] I think that's probably been the hardest thing.
The majority of people, you know, for them, the story was in bringing our kids home. And then once we brought our kids home, it was like, Oh, well, they're home and everything should be normal. You know, they should just be able to jump in. These kids are so blessed to have a family.
And really realizing how convoluted that was, because as soon as our kids came home, it was like we started over again. You know, that was when the real work started. And that's when we really had to change kind of everything we did in terms of our lives previously to acclimate that child to our family, but also attach to them and bond with them since we've missed four years of their lives.
I think that was probably the most hurtful thing was just people really ostracizing us often for not being able to show up to a party or or come over for dinner or just little things that I took so for granted before bringing our kids home that are just really challenging now as a family. [00:53:45]
I think a lot of that judgment and almost a little bit of condemnation came from people just being unwilling to understand our circumstances and why we couldn't do those things anymore, versus really trying to see what was happening inside the walls of our home and sitting with us in those moments. I think that has been the hardest part.
We really have lost a lot of friends in the process of this, just people who are, you know, not willing to sit in the mess. That was really hard to swallow but also, I think just really confirming for us of who are those people who are willing to see us like Jesus sees us.
Laura Dugger: Well, first, I'm so sorry just to hear the depths of the friendships being lost and people not being able to sit and be present what you feel like your soul is longing for, crying out for. I just think here you and Paul are doing what you know you were called to do and yet it came with all of this sacrifice. [00:54:50]
I'm sure you would have loved to attend those dinner parties. So it was such a selfless act. And so then to heap condemnation on top of that, that's just hard.
Bettina Stevens: Yeah, it was for sure. And something that we still work through regularly and are much more cautious of who we bring in to get to know our family, because it's heartbreaking for our kids, too, you know.
So, yeah, it's been a struggle. But also, like you said, we know that this is what we've been called to do and we know that this is what God created us for. So I think we've really had to rest in Him during those moments, for sure.
Laura Dugger: Well, if you did have to narrow it down to a few of the most powerful lessons God's taught you through your parenting journey, what would you share?
Bettina Stevens: He's always with us. Even when we feel he's the farthest away, He's right there with us. I think that was something that in the beginning was so difficult for me to see. [00:55:52] Then really realizing, like, we are the closest to the river when we're in the valley. It became more of a lament for me and just a sacred time with Him where I realized he's not surprised by my anger and He's not surprised by my heartache.
And it's okay to not have words. There's been so many nights where I've just played worship music and just wept because I felt like I couldn't utter one more word in prayer. I just felt like I'd prayed everything, there was nothing left to pray. And just realizing, like, in those moments, He is there to comfort us and be with us.
I really had to learn to trust Him day after day, even with no evidence of hope. I think those are the lessons that I hold on to, that even when I feel isolated and lonely from relationships in my community, that He is always there and He is never leaving us.
Laura Dugger: Wow, I've never heard that imagery before. And just thinking when we're on the mountaintop, we can gain perspective and we can see the river, we can see Him at work and see a little bit more of the picture. But absolutely being in the valley and being so near to him. That's powerful. [00:57:09]
Bettina Stevens: Yeah.
Laura Dugger: Bettina, what is something that you're passionate to communicate to everyone, specifically as it relates to adoption or foster care?
Bettina Stevens: I would say I have two really big points. First, to people who may know someone who's fostering or adopting or even has children with special needs. And that would just be that families need support. So much support.
You know, we as parents spend so much time investing hope, safety, healing into our children, and really, no one is doing that for the parents. So I would say the parents need just as much care as the children they're caring for. And really they just need people to bear witness to the beauty and the brokenness, as I mentioned earlier. You know, friendships and relationships are what keep families afloat.
I really believe that while not everyone is called to foster or adopt, everyone is called to support that mission. [00:58:09] I think one way to do that is to simply show up for these families and get to know them, get to know every member of the family, get to know what their needs are, what their fears are, you know, what makes them tick and really just allow each member of the family to feel cared for and supported in those times of crisis.
I would say that's one thing. Then the other side for foster adopted special needs families, I say all the time that it's okay to ask for help. It's so needed to ask for help. And it doesn't mean you're a failure.
I think for the first few years that we had our boys, I felt like a terrible mom. I felt like I was failing at everything and that even choosing something like a medicinal intervention would be me failing as a parent. And just realizing quickly that I am not meant to be their savior. I am not meant to be their healer. I'm meant to be their mom. I think that I can love them unconditionally, but their healing and their ability to find who they are is going to come from God. [00:59:16] Letting a lot of those expectations go is so important.
And then really just asking for help, constantly asking for help for the little things, for the big things. And I say that could be help from people or it could be help from doctors. Before I really felt like putting my children on medication would be me failing because I couldn't meet their needs. And really, it's just that their brains and bodies are wired differently and maybe that's exactly what they need in order to be able to access who they are.
I just really encourage families to let those expectations go of you feeling like you need to heal every part of your kids. Really let that go and really hand it over to Jesus and then really just ask for help.
Laura Dugger: I just want to spend a few more minutes really focusing on those parents who are in the trenches right now. I think your specificity is maybe going to help stir some ideas for them as well. [01:00:16] So for you, what keeps you encouraged and renewed or ready to face each day?
Bettina Stevens: For me, that's always time with Jesus. I am not a morning person. I used to sleep in till 10, 10:30 before I had kids when I could. I just really, really crave just a slow morning. But with kiddos and even my own symptoms of secondary traumatic stress, I really needed alone time to feel like I'm ready for the day.
I get up every morning at 4:15, 4:30. I spend time with Jesus. That could be prayer. That could be worship. That could be just listening to a Dwell Bible app or something where I can just listen to the word. That could be journaling.
But really, it's just a quiet, reverent time for me to feel like I can regroup, get my head on for the day, and really just kind of give all of my insecurities, my fears, my feelings of overwhelm for the day over to Jesus. [01:01:19] So that's something I do Monday through Friday every morning just to kind of get myself ready for the day.
Exercise is huge for me. I exercise six days a week religiously. And that's something that keeps me feeling like I can function and kind of, again, feel prepared for the day.
Quality time with Paul is so, so important to me. And it doesn't come very often, but we are very intentional about that time. That's something that keeps us connected and keeps me renewed and just feeling like I can be a wife just as much as I can be a mom, which I think is few and far between for those of us who have littles at home.
Then really support groups with other families who understand. So we run a support group, but we also just spend time with other families who have other adopted children or special needs children and just really have some solidarity and just communication around the struggles, but also the beauties of that. So those are all ways I keep myself encouraged and renewed. [01:02:19]
Then truthfully, I see a therapist every week and I'm on an anti-anxiety medication, which both of which I was so reluctant to do because, again, I really felt like I was failing as a human being. I think really just that stigma around mental health was something I never really discussed growing up. And now I'm such a huge advocate for because I really do feel like for me to be my best self, I really do need a little bit more assistance right now in these times of struggle.
I think that that has been something that I've been so grateful to just feel freedom to do and not be judged or feel shamed about, but just really embrace that as part of my healing journey.
Laura Dugger: Just want to encourage you that I think it's even more courageous to not only recognize that but then to follow up and do something about it. So I admire you so much. I appreciate that answer. [01:03:17]
Just thinking of that parent now, if they're feeling desperate and they just want another handle to grab on to, I think you've given some great ideas. Dwell is amazing. Obviously, time with the Lord is just necessity. Are there any other resources or practical applications that you would encourage them to try?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah. I think some of that comes from the point that they're feeling overwhelmed. So sometimes for me, it's really just a gauge. Like I have a zero to ten gauge. I talk about this a lot in our support groups with our families. But just where are you in that realm of overwhelm or stress or compassion fatigue and knowing kind of your early warning signs of where you are in that process so that you can ask for help or take a break?
So for me, I love to cook and I love to bake, and that's something that just fills me up. And so I know when I get to the point where I'm really having trouble meal planning for the week, like that just feels so overwhelming to me, I know that I'm really not in a great space and I'm headed towards an even worse space. [01:04:27] That's like an early warning sign for me of something I know that I need to regroup on and figure out a way to do that.
For a lot of parents, I would say, really figure out where you are in that spectrum and write down your early warning signs and then write down the things that you know help. Like for me, I take a shower, a hot shower every evening after I put my kids down, because sometimes it just helps me wash the day away.
It was actually something that my son's trauma therapist recommended to me years ago, and I was like, "Oh, that sounds awful." And now it's something I do every single night. It really helps me regroup. I really do feel like it's a reset for the evening so that I can actually be present for time with my husband or present for just other things I want to get done in the evening.
So that's something that has been hugely helpful for me to just feel like I'm kind of starting fresh once the kids are in bed and can just regroup for myself. [01:05:26]
Then, you know, a few other things that come with that are just little pieces of the day. Like for me, I love lighting candles in the evening or in the morning. That could be taking breaks in the day. I regularly set breaks in the day for the kids and for myself so that I can just come in my room and regroup for a few minutes so that I can stay recharged and refreshed.
But I think if you as a parent are feeling overwhelmed in your confidence or ability to parent your children, there's so many books and resources. You know, the Karen Purvis Institute is huge. The Connected Child, The Connected Parent, just other really beautiful resources that you can go to to figure out ways to better understand the needs of your children and really feel like you can be confident in parenting them moving forward.
Laura Dugger: Thank you for giving such practical applications. And now, will you just tell us a little bit more about your nonprofit and direct us where we can find you online? [01:06:25]
Bettina Stevens: Yeah, of course. In 2018, we launched Reclaimed Hope Initiative, and the name came just from, as I mentioned before, just walking with so many families who just kept saying, "I feel so hopeless. I feel so hopeless. I feel so hopeless." And we have been there as well and just really feeling that lack of hope in our parenting journey.
So we decided, like, how can we help people reclaim their hope? And so we launched Reclaimed Hope Initiative really as just a support group for families. We started with about six and in nine months, we had more than quadrupled in size. And families just kept bringing more families.
Since then, we've launched all sorts of programming. But essentially we walk families through IEPs, navigation for schools, specifically for trauma-competent care in schools, and how to really advocate for your child's needs. We help families navigate Medicaid waivers. So if you have a child with special needs, how to get your child on the waiver, how to fill out the paperwork. [01:07:27]
We do meal deliveries, therapeutic counseling for parents. We do a trauma camp for children called Camp Hope. So any youth with a traumatic past who can't access a regular summer camp is able to come to our camp with some trauma-competent caregivers in place and just the ability for them to feel like they can be a kid.
We also do respite care and then we train and hire caregivers to pair with families who are able to manage a range of trauma needs all the way to special needs. And it's just been something that was very unexpected. I say all the time I very selfishly started our support groups because Paul and I needed support. And it has just been a beautiful fruition of God's calling of our adoption, of our ability to parent.
Paul and I are also licensed foster parents. And so just the foster care journey and just supporting families through those periods of time, it has been so beautiful and something that I'm now doing full-time in addition to caring for my kids. [01:08:29] So I'm just so grateful that a) God planted the seed so long ago, but b) that He's really given me the capacity to care for others like I needed to be cared for in those moments of darkness.
Laura Dugger: This nonprofit just sounds absolutely amazing, and I think it's a great first place for people to go and learn a little bit more, see if it can be helpful for their journey. Could you give us the website one more time and we'll link to it in the show notes?
Bettina Stevens: Yeah, of course. It's just reclaimedhopeinitiative.org. Then you can also find us on Instagram or Facebook at Reclaimed Hope Initiative.
Laura Dugger: Wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. You know that we're called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so as my final question for you today, Bettina, what is your savvy sauce?
Bettina Stevens: I would say for me it's to never stop being intentional about your dreams. [01:09:29] I think that there is such a beauty around the gifts and talents that God gave us in our mother's womb as you were a little, as you got older. And I know for me, the weekends that I can get away either by myself or with Paul and just spend time dreaming about the gifts God has given me and how I want to utilize them or for our organization or for my family, those are the times that I feel most like myself, that I feel the most refreshed, that I feel so close to God.
I think even in really difficult seasons, it's so important to never stop dreaming. So I would say be intentional about your dreams, set aside time and really just trust that God has a beautiful story that he's writing even in the midst of hardship.
Laura Dugger: Your faithful obedience to God just radiates from you and you worship Him by the way you live your life. So thank you for letting us in on your journey today and thank you for being my guest. [01:10:31]
Bettina Stevens: Yeah. Thank you for having me, Laura. I appreciate it.
Laura Dugger: One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves.
This means there is absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a Savior.
But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news.
Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. [01:11:33] This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us.
Romans 10.9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
So would you pray with me now? Heavenly Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him. You get the opportunity to live your life for Him. [01:12:33] And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you ready to get started?
First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes & Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible, and I love it. You can start by reading the Book of John.
Also, get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps, such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.
We want to celebrate with you too, so feel free to leave a comment for us here if you did make a decision to follow Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.
Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." [01:13:38] The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.
If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.
Monday Aug 19, 2024
Monday Aug 19, 2024
237. Stories Series: Prodigal and Redemption with Renee Endress
**Transcription Below**
Isaiah 61:1-3 (KJV) "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."
Questions and Topics We Cover:
1. Will you tell us a bit about your experience of surrendering your life to Christ?
2. Will you share your journey with your prodigal daughter, Andrea?
3. Will you tell us about Grace Catering and your cookbooks?
Renée Endress is blessed to be the mother of seven children ranging from 16-32 years old, all of whom she homeschooled. Four of the seven are married and her six precious grandchildren bring her much joy and laughter! She is also part of a church family she loves and her dear parents passed on to her a love of sunsets, flowers, and the beauty of God's creation.
Cooking has been a passion for much of her life and she's written three cookbooks, which were later combined into one large book. For the past ten years, she enjoyed catering, which kept growing and eventually blossomed into an almost full-time job. A couple years ago, she refurbished a building in Peoria, Illinois, which is now her catering kitchen where they make homemade take and bake meals for people to purchase. Through it all, God has been so good!
Renée says, "I could share just the pretty parts of my life, but I've come to realize that something special can happen when people are real with each other -- when we share the muddy parts of our lives as well as the lovely parts. This can be used to encourage each other on the journey, and most of all, to point to the faithfulness of our amazing Savior, who loves to redeem our mud stories.
My story looks much different than my idealistic hopes for my future as a young woman, but through it all, God has been faithful every single step of the way. He was faithful in teaching me as an immature newlywed struggling through some very difficult relationship situations. He was faithful as I walked, tripped, and floundered with a daughter through some very dark teenage years, deep rebellion, ten months at a residential facility for troubled teens, and a teenage pregnancy. He was oh, so faithful when my difficult marriage of twenty-four years turned more and more destructive and led to an ongoing separation. He was faithful two years later when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent two surgeries and radiation treatments. He has been faithful through ten years of "single" motherhood. He was faithful as He opened doors for me to start a thriving catering business at the perfect time. He was faithful when He allowed me to be a part of starting "Beauty for Ashes," a group for women from my national church who have come from painful marriages. As I look back on my life, I see plainly His footprints all the way through.
These verses have been so meaningful in my life: "...He hath sent me (Jesus) to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound... to comfort all that mourn... to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified." Isaiah 61:1-3"
Visit Renée's Business or Order Her Popular Cookbook at Grace Catering
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Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
**Transcription**
[00:00:00] <music>
Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.
[00:00:18] <music>
Laura Dugger: Leman Property Management Company has the apartment you will be able to call home, with over 1,700 apartment units available in Central Illinois. Visit them today at LemanProperties.com or connect with them on Facebook.
My guest today is Renee Endress, entrepreneur, mother to seven, and my dear aunt. Renee has walked through some extremely dark and difficult times, which does make the light of Christ shine that much brighter.
She's going to share one particular season as she parented her prodigal daughter.
Here's our chat.
Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Renee.
Renee Endress: Thank you so much, Laura. It is an honor and a privilege to be here with you today.
Laura Dugger: Well, will you just begin by telling us a bit more about your experience of surrendering your life to Christ? [00:01:21]
Renee Endress: Absolutely. My testimony of faith isn't necessarily one of those exciting, edge-of-your-seat thrillers, but I still feel it's relatable to others. I also think no matter how the Lord works in each of our hearts to draw us to Him, each story is a miracle. I feel beyond blessed to have grown up in an amazing Christian family.
My childhood wasn't perfect, but it really was very idyllic. And my parents, as you know, lived out their deep faith in a very real way every single day. They were always looking for opportunities to love and serve others and bless the lives of those around them.
Even though you're already aware of this, I can't begin to tell others of the countless thousands of notes of encouragement that Mom sent to others, or the number of times that they visited and gave gifts or food to widows, widowers, sick people, people with special needs, and the list could go on and on. [00:02:21]
They truly modeled how to be the hands and feet of Jesus. They also modeled a beautiful, godly marriage. They loved each other so deeply and were also best friends. Way up to the very end, Dad would gaze at Mom with love in his eyes and call her his vivacious bride.
Family mealtime, Bible reading, and prayer around the table was sacred to them. Mom almost constantly had tapes of sermons or hymns playing while she worked. And I know that ages me there with the tapes.
She was also a prayer warrior. It was a common sight to walk by their bedroom door and find her on her knees praying at their bedside. So, because of all of this, my five siblings and I were immersed in the Word from little on up. I had a love for Jesus, and I feel like I had a real level of innocence until I was a young teen.
Recently, we came across a book of poems I had written when I was about 11 or 12 years old. Many of them were poems about Jesus and heaven. [00:03:22]
When I was about 14, I started feeling a deep conviction about my sin and knowing I needed to make the faith I'd grown up with my own. But during my high school years, I did my very best to ignore Jesus and the conviction that I was feeling. I convinced myself that I needed to experience all the fun of this world. For three years, I followed this elusive path of fun, but it was always so empty.
Satan is so good at planning excuses and reasons for procrastination, and he loves to make it look so difficult to surrender to Jesus. And it seems like he holds out all the things that we must give up as larger than life.
Finally, after months of misery, it all came to a head one day while I was hanging out with a group of wild kids. There was reckless driving and heavy metal music and inappropriate activities. And I realized the depths of my misery, and I finally surrendered my life to Jesus. I'm so thankful every day now. [00:04:21] But I'm ashamed as I look back to see my spiritual immaturity at the time.
My focus often seemed to be on the things I was giving up instead of on the goodness of God and Jesus and their tremendous sacrifice for me and my new life in Christ. As I look back now, though, I also see how my whole life's journey, and especially the deeply painful parts, have shaped me and deepened my faith and my love for the Lord.
His word has been my absolute lifeline through the darkest days, and without His grace and peace to carry me, I know I'd just be a huddled heap of defeat and brokenness. His goodness and mercy never cease to amaze me. I'm so eternally grateful I can say, along with a songwriter, I'm thankful for the scars, for without them I wouldn't truly know His heart. I don't even want to imagine my life without Him.
Laura Dugger: Thank you for sharing your testimony with us. And just going back, you were the fifth child of six children total, and so a pretty large family to grow up in. [00:05:24] Did you envision having your own big family as well?
Renee Endress: So, I really did always have a desire to be a wife and mom. If I'm remembering right, I was asked in high school how many kids I'd like to have, and my answer was four or five. So, seven was definitely above and beyond what I'd envisioned, but I had always wanted to have a decent number of kids, and I certainly can't imagine my life without any of them.
Laura Dugger: Let's then just jump ahead to when you did have all seven kids and you were homeschooling. So, what was the age range of your children when they were all living under the same roof?
Renee Endress: So I started homeschooling when Andrea, my oldest, was 5 years old, so that was almost 27 years ago. My youngest will be a senior this fall, so I'm coming to the end of an era, and that is a lot of years of homeschooling.
Andrea is 16 years older than Cambria, the youngest, so they were never all in their school-age years at the same time. But there were definitely years I was homeschooling four or five of them, from teens all the way down to the young grade school years. [00:06:34] And there were always at least a couple toddlers playing slash destroying things right beside us.
Laura Dugger: Renee, it runs in our family not to have very easy pregnancies, so going through that seven times in 16 years and homeschooling on top of that and living on a farm, there was so much on your plate. So, how did motherhood look different than you expected?
Renee Endress: Yes. For one thing, I have to say I'm thankful that my pregnancies weren't as hard as some of the other ones in our family. I definitely always had morning sickness in the beginning, but I feel like I got off easier than a lot of people as far as really hard pregnancies.
But it's kind of crazy how much I've already forgotten about what day-to-day life looked like back then. Mainly, I just remember being extremely busy. I'd hit the floor running in the morning, and I wouldn't stop until late at night. I definitely had a lot more energy back then. [00:07:33]
So, we usually all had breakfast together, and I'd do a few chores, like get some laundry started and a few things like that, and then we'd jump into our school day. I usually like to start off by doing some things together, like our scripture memorization and some sort of character enrichment story. And then the older kids would work on their assignments while I worked with the younger ones.
I'd maybe leave the school room long enough to go start a load of laundry or change a diaper, and then I'd keep taking turns with whichever one needed help at the time until lunchtime. We usually had a very simple lunch, and then afterwards the little ones would go down for naps, and I'd read history or a good historical fiction book to the others while they did some chores like folding laundry, or sometimes it was more like throwing laundry all around the room.
Whoever hadn't finished their schoolwork would head back to the schoolroom with me, and we'd plug away until all their assignments were done. Then the kids usually had some free time while I graded papers and did some housework.
I was pretty scheduled with the chores. [00:08:32] We had a chart up in the kitchen with a rotation of which one was assigned to each job after a meal. They also had their weekly cleaning schedule, and as they got older, they had their outdoor chores as well.
We had a big lawn on our farm and a big garden, and we also had some animals like calves and goats off and on as well, so they each had their part to do to keep up with everything.
As they got older, they loved to go out and help run the tractors and the combine on our farm. As much as they didn't always love doing their chores, some of them did them more willingly than others, but it was well worth it because they're all hard workers now, so I'm so thankful for that. It was worth the training.
They also spent a lot of time playing and using their imaginations in the days before cell phones and social media took over. They enjoyed having me read books to them at night. We loved having other families over for meals and game nights. Another activity we loved was camping, so we did a lot of that in the summers. [00:09:31]
So those were busy and exhausting days, and definitely not without their problems and stresses, but there were also a lot of good times and a lot of good memories made.
Laura Dugger: I agree, that is something that marks all of your children. They are such hard workers. It's very admirable.
Renee Endress: Thank you.
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Laura Dugger: And we have a pretty large extended family, and like we mentioned before, we're related because you and my mom are sisters. I was sadly her prodigal child before I came to Christ. But then at that time, all of our family was praying for your first daughter, Andrea, who was also choosing to go down a difficult path. And mercifully, she's given us permission to share her story.
In fact, one morning in my quiet time with the Lord, I had been praying for a while about reaching out to others to do a series on God's stories. And there was this one specific Monday morning He led me with a sense of urgency and I journaled about how I thought He was asking me to begin, in all caps, TODAY. [00:12:38]
So that very day, I reached out to inquire about an interview with you and you said it was that exact morning that Andrea told you she was praying for ways to use her life to bless others. God's timing was such an encouragement to proceed. So now, will you share your journey with Andrea?
Renee Endress: Absolutely. Yes. So Andrea had always been a strong-willed child. She's our oldest, like we've mentioned, and so she was stuck being our guinea pig for our parenting journey. I always feel like somehow looking back, my parents made parenting look so easy. And then I remember thinking, when I was 16 years old, I thought I had all the answers on how to be a perfect parent. But I quickly found out, number one, parenting is not easy, and number two, I had absolutely no idea how to be a perfect parent.
In looking back, I realized that in many ways I was too hard on Andrea, and I expected too much out of her. I expected her to fit my mold, and I made a lot of things into battles with her that really weren't worth it. [00:13:46] If I had it to do over, I'd make a lot of changes there.
As Andrea became a teen, she began to go through some very dark years. She went into deep rebellion. She became involved with a scary group of friends who had prison records, and they smoked and drank and used drugs.
Her friends even stole from us on multiple occasions. One time we found out that they had stolen gas, and another time we found a bunch of coins that had been given to us by Grandpa that were missing.
The more we tried to set boundaries and keep her away from these people and the bad choices she was making, the angrier and sneakier she became. She got so good at lying, it was almost impossible to try to discern the truth. I often said her stories had more holes than Swiss cheese, but yet it was always hard, if not impossible, to prove that she was lying.
There were so many terrifying nights that I woke up to find her missing, completely clueless where she was. And then we got some phone calls once that she had been caught stealing from a grocery store and one time from a gas station. [00:14:51]
We were gone the day she got caught stealing alcohol at the grocery store, and since it was in the days before we had cell phones, we didn't find out till we got home that night that she'd been taken to a jail cell at the police station. I can't remember if a friend had bailed her out by the time we found out or what. I just remember the giant gut punch when we got the news. She would have probably been about 15 at the time.
The time she got caught stealing gas from the gas station, which I later found out was certainly not the first time she had done it, I got a phone call from the station manager. She ordered me to bring Andrea to the station as soon as possible.
She was kind enough to want to give Andrea another chance instead of calling the police. So when we got to the gas station, she pulled us back into the broom closet and unleashed on Andrea. She let her know in no uncertain terms where her life was headed if she kept making these bad choices, and she assured her that if there was a next time, she would be heading to jail. [00:15:51] I stood there and sobbed while Andrea stood there stone-faced and seemingly completely unfazed.
During this time, her anger was completely out of control, and it was often aimed at me. It was terrifying, too, when she and her dad went into rages, and I felt totally smashed between them.
My marriage had also become more and more destructive. I sometimes just wanted to pray a bomb would fall on me during the night to end this ongoing stress, terror, anguish, and chaos, but I knew I needed to be there and emotionally healthy for the sake of the five other children we had at the time.
It was during this time in my life that God and His Word became my absolute lifeline. I had Bible verses on Post-it notes plastered all over my mirror. I memorized comforting hymns that I tried to sing through my tears. He was my anchor, and His Word gave me hope and courage when nothing else could.
I realized what a powerful thing hope is. [00:16:53] I hung that word up in different places throughout my house to remind me never to give up hope. I also started noticing how often hope is mentioned in Scripture, and I realized that it's a powerful gift from God. I underlined all the scriptures that I could find about hope. It was very interesting to me. It's a good study.
It was also during this time that God gave me an amazing sign to show me how much He cared about me and that He was right there with me no matter how deep and dark the pit that I was in.
It had been a particularly bad day. The wind had been roaring in an unnerving way all day. As I got ready for bed, I cried out to God, "My life feels just like that wind. It's so chaotic and out of control. I just long for some peace and stillness."
The words had just left my mouth, and instantly, the wind stopped blowing. For about ten minutes, it was totally calm. And then the wind resumed its raging. But I will never, ever forget the night God stopped the wind for me. [00:17:57]
Some verses that were very comforting to me during this time, and I had literally hundreds, but these are just a few I'll share. "They are at their wits' end. Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and He bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still." And that comes from Psalm 107.
"Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me, for my soul trusteth in thee. Yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpassed." And during that time, I just felt like my life was going from one calamity to the next.
But after a time, God opened the doors for Andrea to move to a residential facility for troubled teens for about ten months. I was so thankful to know that she was in a safe place, and it was a blessing to be able to have some respite from the constant stress of her rebellion, as well as to be able to focus more on the other children.
At the same time, all was not smooth sailing at home. Our marriage was in shambles, and I was pregnant with our seventh child. [00:18:59] So I was questioning God, Why? Why give us another child when our marriage was collapsing? Why when it seemed we were obviously doing a terrible job with the ones we already had? Just why? These were some very dark days.
Then after ten months, Andrea moved home, and she quickly started making very bad choices again. And then came the darkest days of my life so far.
Our marriage was pretty much a total disaster. Things had progressively gotten uglier and uglier, and some very hard new things had just come to light. And then one Wednesday night, we went to our bedroom after church. There on my pillow was laying an envelope with our 18-year-old daughter's writing on the front, for Dad and Mom only. My heart started pounding as I began to fear the worst. With shaking hands, I opened the envelope, and there were the words, "I'm pregnant."
God had prepared me for this day years before when I had read the story of a lady and her loving response when she received those words from her unmarried daughter. [00:20:06] I had tucked it into the back of my mind, hoping it was a lesson I'd never have the need for, but knowing it was how I wanted to handle the situation if I was ever faced with it.
Because of God's grace, I was able to go to her bedroom that night, wrap my arms around her, tell her I loved her always and no matter what, and tell her I was so thankful she had chosen life, and let her know I would love this child with all my heart.
She was a high school dropout working at Burger King. The father was fresh out of prison, but God gave me hope to cling to that this might be the very thing she needed to turn her life around.
We've been challenged in our church in sermons to notice how many verses there are in the Bible that start with the words, "but God", and see how those two words just change everything. This was the uncontested, very worst time in my life with so many hard things hitting at once, BUT God gave me peace and joy in a way that I've never felt before. [00:21:09]
My life was in absolute shambles, but I was filled with God's peace and joy in a way that I can't even begin to describe.
I kept thinking about the Bible account of Jesus walking across wind-whipped waves toward his disciples in their boat. When Peter saw him, he got out of the boat and began walking toward Jesus. But when he took his eyes off Jesus and focused on the wind, he was afraid, and he started to sink.
I saw the parallels with my own life. When I focus on the size of the storm that's swirling around me, I begin to sink in fear. But when I can stay focused on Jesus and the size of my God, he fills me with his peace.
So often during this time, I reminded myself of the words of Isaiah 26:3, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee." I also realized that when our eyes are open, searching for what I like to call hugs from God, they're there, even in the very hardest times. [00:22:09]
Two examples of this come from the day my grandson was born. I was a 38-year-old woman watching my teenage daughter bring my first grandchild into the world. Labor was long and hard. The father and his brother were in and out of the hospital room between smoking breaks. Other friends of theirs were in and out. They were people I would have never chosen to be in my grandchild's life.
And then the little man was born. And as I held him for the first time and prayed over him, and wondered what his life would hold, my heart was filled with so much love, but also fear and sorrow.
When it was time to fill out his birth certificate, after all the questionable gangster-type names that they'd been contemplating, they named him Isaiah. That's one of my favorite books of the Bible. It's a book that has sustained me through waters that felt like they were going to overflow me, and through fires that felt like they were going to absolutely incinerate me. [00:23:15] Isaiah, the prophet who wrote the words, Fear not, for I have redeemed thee. I have called thee by thy name. Thou art mine. And Isaiah, the prophet who wrote the words of my peace verse.
And then Andrea snapped some pictures of me holding the precious little bundle in front of the hospital curtain, which was covered with random words. I went home and pulled that picture up on my computer. I noticed the hospital curtain behind us with all its jumble of words. Some of them were barely legible, but one, and only one word was lit up like it was glowing. It was just above my shoulder. The word "Peace". And God's peace just washed over me.
It was during this time that I could first truly say along with Job, "I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear, but now mine eye seeth me." That comes from Job 42:5. There was just so much evidence of Him working in my life. [00:24:13]
Things were still super discouraging. Andrea and Isaiah moved in and out of our house. She moved from one broken relationship to another. Some of them were abusive. And for a while they lived in a trailer with holes in the floor large enough for animals to get in. It was painful to watch her continue to make poor decisions, but one thing I will say, she always worked hard to support herself and Isaiah.
I prayed for change for her. I prayed for change in my marriage, but neither change came. I silently screamed, why? Where was my Romans 8:28 miracle? Aren't all things supposed to work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose?
And then one day it hit me. These things might not look like they were working any earthly good, but God didn't promise that it would always work out for good on this earth. What if this was all for my utmost good? What if God was using all of this to shape me and refine me in ways nothing else could to conform me to be more like Jesus? [00:25:18]
Over time, there were gradual changes for the better with Andrea. Isaiah has always been such a kind and loving boy with a very soft heart. We're so thankful he's a part of our family, and I love being his Grammy.
Andrea also loved him from the very beginning and always had a desire to give him a good life. He really was the beginning of gradual changes for the better in her life. She got her GED before he was born, and eventually with much determination and hard work she went to college and then to nursing school.
It was no small feat for her to commute to nursing school, raise Isaiah, and support them both through the process. I had always said if she could use that strong will for something good, it would take her places, and it has.
After a lot of broken relationships, she reconnected with Jordan. He was someone she had met at her cousin's wedding when she was in 8th grade. That day she went home and wrote in her journal that it was the best day of her life and she loved him. [00:26:19]
They had lost touch quite a few years ago, but then they reconnected a few years ago when he moved back to our area from out of state, and they've been together almost ever since.
For many years, she hadn't been attending any church. Also, after so many hard relationships over the years, she said she never wanted to get married, but my many, many prayers that God would relentlessly pursue her and the prayers of many others were finally answered a little over a year ago.
God was working overtime in her heart. She always had a very close and special relationship with my mom. Isaiah coined the name Little Grandma for her, and it's stuck with our whole family ever since. Of course, you know that since she's your little grandma too, Laura.
Little Grandma, who was one of Andrea's biggest prayer warriors, went to be with Jesus in October of 2021. She had left letters behind for her family telling them that she wanted to see them all again in heaven someday. [00:27:19] That made a huge impact on Andrea, and she knew she'd never see her precious little grandma again if she didn't surrender her heart to Jesus.
She and Jordan began attending a local church after going there for the baptism of her cousin. Jordan was so ready to surrender, but she kept dragging her feet, although she told him she wouldn't hold him back. Sunday after Sunday, Jordan encouraged her to go to church with him, but then their pastor began a very convicting series of sermons on 1 Corinthians.
They realized again that they were living in sin, and they weren't sure that they were fully ready to commit. They justified. They were talking over all the good things they did, and the fact that they attended church every Sunday, and they prayed, and they gave to people in need, but deep down, they still knew that just being good people wasn't going to earn them eternity in heaven.
Then, one Sunday of last year, they read in their church from Acts 2. Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. [00:28:24] They looked at each other and they knew it was time to quit running.
First, they decided that they needed to commit to quit living in sin by living together unmarried, so they got engaged. That, in and of itself, was a huge miracle, since Andrea had always been adamant that she wasn't going to get married.
And then they met with their pastor for premarital counseling. I will never forget receiving that amazing, miraculous text as I sat in Sam's Club parking lot. I wept tears of joy and thankfulness when I read those words that I'd sometimes thought I would never hear. They had made the decision to surrender their hearts and lives to Jesus. Thousands and thousands of prayers were answered that day. They were baptized last spring and then married in June on Andrea's 32nd birthday.
I'm so grateful every day for the miracles in their lives, and for the miracle 14 years ago of our precious Isaiah. [00:29:28] Andrea has said many times that he saved her life. She is sure that without him, she would have continued down the path she was on and may have ended up in prison or a drug addict or something even worse. God is so good.
Laura Dugger: Wow. Renee, thank you so much. What an incredible story of redemption. It just points to our good, loving Father. And the story continues, even with Isaiah. There is just something special about him that he has been marked since birth. How has he adjusted now to Jordan coming into the picture and Jordan and Andrea marrying?
Renee Endress: Yes. I'm so thankful. He and Jordan have a wonderful relationship. He does still have a relationship with his biological dad, which I'm glad that he does have that. But he and Jordan have also developed a very special relationship.
Yeah, recently I thought it was so cute. He told me that the day that his mom and Jordan got married was the second-best day of his life. [00:30:34] So, of course, I had to ask what the very best day of his life was, and he said, "Well, the day I was born, of course."
Laura Dugger: I love that so much. That just illustrates more of the redemption and the warmth in their family. That is so encouraging. I hope that that resonates with someone right now who has hope, but they're not seeing the fruit of it yet on the other side.
Renee Endress: Yes, don't give up. There were so many times I was so close. It just felt like... I don't even know how to describe it, but to keep hoping and hoping and never seeing the change. And then all of those years later, you know, when I think back, it was like 18 years, really, of the running. It did gradually, gradually keep getting better but it was a long road.
Laura Dugger: Well, and that reminds me of a scripture. Proverbs is my favorite book of the Bible. In Proverbs 13:12, one translation says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life."
Renee Endress: Yes.
Laura Dugger: And praise God that those desires, those prayers were fulfilled. And I just envision little grandma and grandpa celebrating in heaven the day Andrea came to know the Lord as well.
Renee Endress: Yes. I had to picture that in my mind, too. [00:32:02]
Laura Dugger: You have been through so many trials and even more difficult that multiple things were happening at the same time where your marriage wasn't what you imagined or hoped it to be. You're struggling with a prodigal child. How did you combat the bitterness and resentment that can build from something like that?
Renee Endress: Yes. Well, I always remember that one of our ministers, he was actually an uncle of mine, and he preached quite often about how trials could make us bitter or better. I don't remember if it was him or if it was someone else, but definitely I've heard the story different places in sermons and maybe read it in books.
There's the story of an egg, a potato, and coffee grounds. So if you put each of those things into a pan of boiling water, the egg becomes hard, the potato becomes soft and sometimes mushy, but the coffee flavors the water and it turns it into something new and better. [00:33:07] And so I thought about that often.
I knew I didn't want these things to make me bitter. I didn't want to become hardened like that egg through my hard times, nor did I want to become soft and weak like the potato. So I just longed and prayed to be like the coffee, one who became better through the trials. So I just prayed my way through that, that God could help use those trials to make me better.
Laura Dugger: And it seems He certainly has.
One reoccurring scripture that comes up for The Savvy Sauce is James 1:22. It says, "Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." And because our tagline here is "Practical chats for intentional living," we want to hear how you are applying these messages to your own life. What action steps have you taken after hearing one of these podcasts that has improved your life a little bit? We would love to hear it. [00:34:05] Please email us at info@thesavvysauce.com.
Well, we've covered a lot about parenting, and yet we haven't talked much about your work. You have created a business that I can't recommend highly enough. So I want you to let us all in on the goodness. Will you tell us about Grace Catering and your cookbooks?
Renee Endress: Sure. Okay, so the story kind of starts I started writing little mini cookbooks by hand when my younger sister and a few of my close friends got married.
So I wrote these little like 50 to 100 recipes of favorites of mine and little books handwritten for each of them. And after a while, I was like, "Okay, this is enough handwriting this. I'm going to send this to the publisher. I'm going to publish these recipes, and then I'll just give them for wedding gifts for the rest of my life."
So my first cookbook, I think I had around 200 recipes in it, and I sent it to the publisher and printed, I think, 200 copies. [00:35:09] And I thought that'll last me seriously the rest of my life for wedding gifts.
And all of a sudden, people started finding out about these, and they liked these recipes because they were made with common ingredients that most of us have in our pantries at home. And they just tasted like good home cooking, I guess. So they started selling, and they sold, and they sold. So I had to keep reprinting and reprinting.
And after a while, I made a second cookbook and then a third cookbook. And then I combined all three of those into one cookbook and added some more recipes. So that one has about 1,000 recipes in it.
So now I think I've sold about 16,000, roughly, cookbooks altogether. So, yeah, that little idea back when Tammy got married kind of changed my life.
And because of this, then people started asking me to cater about 10 years ago. I guess they assumed if I wrote cookbooks, I must be an okay cook. So it was definitely a God thing, though, because it was right at the time that my marriage ended in separation, and I needed to start providing some income. [00:36:15]
So God knew that, of course, and He opened the doors, and jobs just started falling into my lap. And by word of mouth... At first it was just friends and family asking me to cater wedding receptions for them. And then business just grew and grew by word of mouth, and it became almost full-time.
So, like I said, that was about 10 years ago. And then, let me see, it was in the fall of 2019. It was earlier that year, I had started thinking, "I really need to make the decision whether I want to keep building this business and find a place that I can make a licensed kitchen." Because up until then, I was just totally doing it from my kitchen at home.
So I needed to, if I wanted to keep going, come up with a commercial kitchen somehow. Otherwise, it was like, okay, it's kind of the go big or go home, but I didn't know what else I was going to do. [00:37:14]
So, I started praying about finding a building that I could use for a commercial kitchen. One day, I drove by this cute little building on the north edge of Peoria, and it was just such a great location. As soon as I saw it... it was a building I had noticed before. It was always just kind of an iconic little building at this weird little five-way stop sign there. And it just needed a lot of TLC, but I thought it would be the perfect location for what I was wanting to do.
And so, God opened the doors for me to buy that building. And so, fall of 2019, I bought this little building and started coming up with plans to turn it into my commercial kitchen. Then I was tossing around different ideas too, how I could supplement my catering income just to help make that building pay for itself. I thought of different ideas of, I didn't want to do a restaurant because that was too full-time. I thought about a tea room or, you know, different things like that. [00:38:15]
But I landed on the idea of doing Take N' Bake meals for your refrigerators and freezers. So, that's what I decided I was going to do with that little shop, make it into a commercial kitchen with a storefront where people could come in and buy Take N' Bake meals.
Then, as we were planning and working on the blueprints, COVID hit, and everything came to a screeching halt. So, that taught me a lot of patience because it was the very day that I was supposed to meet with the health department to get my permits for going ahead with this kitchen. The health department got closed down by COVID that day. And they couldn't do anything, even by email or anything, the entire time. I think they were shut down for at least three months, and we couldn't work on anything.
Then, they were so backed up when they opened back up. So, it just required a lot of patience. But I just had to keep believing that if this was all God's will, it was in His timing, and for some reason, the timing was right. [00:39:20] And I am glad it helped me to be able to really do a lot of organizational things and, during COVID, spend some special time with my kids before I got so busy with this new business.
So then, in July of 2021, we were finally able to open our doors. Business has taken off from day one just much more than I ever expected. So, from the beginning, almost within a few weeks, we had to shut our doors early different times and close down for a day or two because we just couldn't keep up for the demand for these meals. So, it was kind of crazy.
I knew there was a need for it out there, but I just didn't know quite how much. So, I hired more workers. In the beginning, I thought, Mm, maybe three people would probably be enough employees for me. And now, I'm up to somewhere around 15 right now, I believe.
And then, we just put more efficient systems in place over time. So, yeah, it's going great now, and I am just so thankful that God opened those doors. [00:40:21]
So, we have our meals are on a six-week rotation right now for the Take N' Bake meals. So, most things just come around once every six weeks, so people don't have a chance to get bored of them. But then, some of our most popular items we make either weekly or every other week.
Then, besides that, I cater something just about every weekend. This last weekend, I catered two weddings, which was a little extra crazy. But I just love to see the way that others use Grace Catering Company to bless other people's lives, too.
It's so fun to hear people's stories as they come in the door and tell me that they're taking these meals to bless the lives of someone who has cancer or someone who had a new baby. Or there's a sweet older couple who comes in there a lot, and they buy meals to take to young widows and their families. So, it does my heart good to be able to see these meals going to bless other people's lives. [00:41:20]
Laura Dugger: I just have to follow up with a few things. It's so neat to hear the whole story laid out. I didn't know the origins with Tammy's wedding, but it is our family's favorite cookbook, and we have used this for so many years. We've shared it with many people. It is just the best.
So when you said some of your meals you keep on a weekly rotation, what would you say are some of the most popular at Grace Catering?
Renee Endress: One of the things we do almost every single week are our breakfast burritos. People just love those because they're so convenient to just grab one or two out of the freezer and pop them in the microwave or the oven. So, we make those almost every single week.
Then we make lasagna really often because lasagna is just a good standby. Chicken enchiladas come around pretty often. People love that. But we have a lot of them... The popularity of different things just kind of grows over time. So, in the wintertime, one of my managers makes chicken pot pies, and they're so popular, especially in the wintertime. And so, she makes those about every other week. [00:42:26]
Recently, one that has just started gaining more and more popularity is spasagna, which is kind of funny. People are just discovering that. Just in the last couple weeks, we had so many orders for spasagna.
And then another favorite in there is grandma's spaghetti, which is kind of a fun story because that was my mother-in-law's trademark recipe. So, that's one that I got from her. She never wrote it down, but she let me watch her make her spaghetti. So, I tried to kind of figure it out. She never knew exactly amounts. She just threw in this and that. So, I tried to figure it out from there, and that one's been very popular. So, lots of popular things.
Laura Dugger: They're so delicious. I see why they're popular. Is this something that you've always enjoyed, tinkering in the kitchen? You had a large family, so you had a lot of opinions to feed, especially working on the farm all day, they'd come in hungry.
Renee Endress: Yes, exactly. So, I look back, and I always think, when did my love of cooking start? I think definitely it was there when I was a little girl, and I just never even really picked up on it. [00:43:30] So, I would do these meals. I would rope Tammy into doing these meals with me. I'd just boss her around in the kitchen. And we'd do a special, like, five- or six-course meal for Grandpa and Grandma's anniversary or things like that. And I had so much fun with that.
And then Mom, as much as she was a very good cook, but it was kind of the same basic things over and over that she liked to make. She didn't experiment a lot, and she wasn't a baker. I just loved homemade baked goods. So, I wanted to learn to bake.
So, I got out the Betty Crocker cookbook and learned how to bake crescent rolls by myself from the Betty Crocker cookbook. And I also look back... Back in those days, I don't know if you remember, we had a Bookmobile that came to our neighborhood.
Laura Dugger: Loved the Bookmobile.
Renee Endress: Yes, it was so much fun. Every week, we would climb up the hill to go to the bookmobile, and I oftentimes would check out kids' cookbooks. And I would plan these elaborate parties for all the kids in our neighborhood. And then they never came to fruition. [00:44:31] But I had fun planning them and looking through the cookbooks and seeing what I could make.
So, it was there. God had put it there in me from the time I was little, but I just didn't really realize it. But then, as my kids came along, and thankfully, the older kids were not picky eaters at all... And so, I loved. It was one of my most cherished things to do as a housewife was to cook meals and come up with fun things to put on the table. And I loved seeing them just enjoy what I set on the table in front of them.
Laura Dugger: Well, many people have enjoyed what you've set on the table for them. And like you said, you had two weddings this past weekend. You told me before we pressed record, you've had over 1,000 people this weekend, which just sounds miraculous.
Then I'm just thinking of your obedience where God was dropping those little seeds, even as a child, when you were drawn to cooking and how that has blessed so many other people. I think of us for tonight, because this is my workday. I get to record. [00:45:31] And so, we already have dinner that's tucked away in the refrigerator. I just have to put it in the oven.
But this weekend, Selah, Shiloh, Aila, and Kessler all helped me use your cookbook and we made chicken enchiladas, number three. And they were all learning how to do that. And we get to enjoy that for dinner tonight. So, I think your obedience is even inspirational to others that you may have no idea what kind of inspiration you've provided to them.
Renee Endress: Aw. I love seeing that, that you and your girls are cooking together in the kitchen. And it's even fun that it's out of my cookbook. So, thank you. Thank you for saying that.
Laura Dugger: Well, you know that we are called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge. So, as my final question for you today, Renee, what is your savvy sauce?
Renee Endress: Okay. So, this is especially for the parents of prodigals. But it goes for so many other things in life, too. So many hard situations. I know there are so many. Everybody has their own hard situation at some point in their life. [00:46:33]
So, my savvy sauce is never give up. Never lose hope. Never stop praying. And always remember, God loves to redeem our muddiest stories and create beauty from ashes. He is the God of miracles.
Laura Dugger: Amen. Well, Renee, you are just such an endearing person. So lovable, not just because you're my aunt, but I love you. And you are talented and kind. You also have a wonderful sense of humor and a deep, abiding faith. So, I adore you, and I just want to say thank you for being my guest.
Renee Endress: Thank you. And I adore you, too, Laura.
Laura Dugger: One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. [00:47:37]
This means there is absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a Savior.
But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news.
Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us.
Romans 10.9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. [00:48:41]
So would you pray with me now? Heavenly Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him. You get the opportunity to live your life for Him. And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you ready to get started?
First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes & Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible, and I love it. You can start by reading the Book of John. [00:49:39]
Also, get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps, such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.
We want to celebrate with you too, so feel free to leave a comment for us here if you did make a decision to follow Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.
Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.
If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.
Monday Aug 12, 2024
Monday Aug 12, 2024
236. Stories Series: God's Power and Light with Jaime Farrell
**Transcription Below**
John 3:30 (NIV) " He must become greater; I must become less.”
Jaime Farrell is first of all, a beloved of her Lord. She is also wife to Jonathan, and mother to Jorja, Jolie, Jemma, and Job. She can be reached through Instagram or Facebook and she would also love to invite you to sit with her at church! Find out more about the church where her family attends and her husband serves as Lead Pastor at gracemorton.org.
Questions we discuss:
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As an adult now, when you reflect back on your childhood, what was it that specifically made the most significant impact on you and your faith journey?
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Now as a wife and mom of four, what values and traditions and rhythms have you carried forward in your family?
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Since becoming a Jesus-follower, what ways have you continued to see God at work, in ways both big and small?
Other Episodes mentioned from The Savvy Sauce:
#2 From 2022: Fresh Take on Hospitality with Jaime Farrell
Patreon 48 Conversations with Your Teen About Sex, Puberty, and Identity with Janelle Rupp (Interview with Jaime's Sister)
Patreon 43 Better Together with Jon and Jolene Rocke (Interview with Jaime's Parents)
Recommended Books and Series for Tween/Teens:
This Changes Everything: How the Gospel Transforms The Teen Years by Jaquelle Crowe
Choosing Love by Heidi Johnston
God's Great Story Devotional by Jon Nielson
10 Questions Every Teen Should Ask (and Answer) About Christianity by Rebecca McLaughlin
Truth Matters by Andreas J. Kosstenberger
The Case for Christianity by C.S. Lewis
The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Timothy Keller
Fiction:
Mark of the Lion Series by Francine Rivers
The Rendigo Tales J.A. Meyer
The Epic Order of the Seven Series
Allegories:
The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan
Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard
Other Book Mentioned:
When People are Big and God is Small by Edward T. Welch
Little Pilgrim's Progress by Erik M. Peterson
Food Recommendations and Recipes for Hosting:
*Reach out to Jaime for Rocke's "Essential" Seasoning through Instagram or Facebook.*
Pretzel Cereal Crunch from Taste of Home (Optional: add MnMs)
Ranch Snack Mix from Taste of Home (Optional: replace cashews with Cheese-itz and Rice Chex)
Cookies and Creme Puppy Chow from Sally's Baking Addiction
Red Velvet Oreo Brownies from Sally Baking Addiction
Cookie Dough Bars from The Recipe Critic
Salted Caramel Cookie Bars from Brown-Eyed Baker
Frosted Sugar Cookie Bars from Brown-Eyed Baker
Recipes:
Joy's Dip:
Mix together:
1 block Velveeta
2 cans Hormel Chili No Beans
Several Dashes of Worcestershire Sauce
Honey Mix:
⅔ cup butter
1 ½ cup brown sugar
½ cup honey
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Combine in a sauce pan. Do not stir! Boil 2 ½ minutes. Add 1 tsp of vanilla.
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Pour over 6 cups of Crispix, 2 cups mini pretzels 1 cup salted peanuts.
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Put into a greased baking sheet and bake at 250 for ½ hour stirring half way through. Pour onto wax paper to dry. Break apart.
Candy Bar Bars- Freeze Halloween Candy Bars/Chocolate
2 ½ sticks of butter
¾ cup sugar
¾ cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. Vanilla
1 tsp salt
2 ¼ cup flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup chocolate chips
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Cream butter and sugar together. Add eggs and vanilla.
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Add the dry ingredients and mix well. Add in chocolate chips.
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Grease a jelly roll pan and spread dough. It may be hard to do but keep patting and spreading.
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Bake at 375 for 15-20 minutes. It will be golden brown. Cool completely.
*Cut candy bars while cooling. Cut into small bits and bites. Any type of bar/chocolate works!!
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Melt 1 ½ cup chocolate chips and 1 ½ cup peanut butter in a microwave slowly. Spread over the bars and immediately sprinkle with cut candy bars- always end the top with M&Ms for color!
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Sue Neihouser
Connect with The Savvy Sauce through Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
**Transcription**
[00:00:00] <music>
Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.
[00:00:17] <music>
Laura Dugger: Thank you to the Sue Neihouser team for sponsoring this episode. If you're looking to buy or sell a home this season, make sure you reach out to Sue at (309) 229-8831. Sue would love to walk alongside you as you unlock new doors.
My friend Jaimie Farrell is my returning guest. You may remember her from the second most downloaded Episode of 2022 when we discussed her fresh take on hospitality.
Well today, Jaimie is returning to share her testimony and memorable moments of God revealing His goodness in her life. Our conversation took a few surprising turns. So the first half is really practical and revolves a lot around parenting, and then the second half is when she dives into some spiritual moments that leave us in tears and leave us in awe of God. [00:01:25]
So we hope it nudges you to also look up and recognize His goodness, kindness, and love that's evident daily in your life as well.
Here's our chat.
Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Jaimie.
Jaime Farrell: Thank you so very much. It's so fun to be here with you.
Laura Dugger: Well, if anybody didn't go back yet and listened to our first episode together, can you just start by giving us some context into your life? You can go back and even begin with your upbringing.
Jaime Farrell: Yeah. Honestly, my upbringing is such a gift of grace in my life that I love to just share about it. So I was born to two kids, in a sense. My parents were married at 18. In fact, they were married three weeks after my dad turned 18. Then nine months later, they had their first daughter, my sister.
Prior to marriage, my parents were both individually pursuing the Lord, and then together in oneness, they continued to prioritize the Word of God as their central authority. [00:02:27] This led them to leave the family business that my dad was going to supposedly take over. Instead, he went to pursue a Bible degree, with the dream of him being in ministry in some capacity. So they went to Grace Seminary in Winona Lake, Indiana, and that is where I was born.
My parents were dirt poor, and my dad was in school full-time. He worked at a grocery store as he could. My mom cleaned as she was able, but she was managing two girls. We rented a house with no air conditioning and an alley for a backyard.
Times were hard and lean, but I have just beautiful childhood memories of playing in the alley with neighborhood kids and making chocolate milk out of dirt and water, and then also feeding bread to ducks at the lake across the street.
And then graduation neared for my parents, and they found out they were expecting for the third time, which was my brother. So they kind of came to grips that the wisest financial move was to move back to Morton, Illinois, and have my dad work again at the family company to try to pay off debt, save money, get in a better financial position as their family was growing. [00:03:37]
So when I was about four, we moved back to Morton, and essentially I've been here ever since. And now, ironically, in fact, my husband is the pastor of the church that I grew up in.
Laura Dugger: That is incredible. It's been so fun to enter your story. When we were in our 30s is when we first met. And now I will have to do a lot of links because I have had your sister and your parents on the podcast as well. But you are all wonderful.
But now that you're an adult, when you do reflect back on your childhood, what would you say were some of the things that specifically made the most significant impact on you and your faith journey?
Jaime Farrell: My parents, they were a massive influence on me. The older I get, the more I realize what a gift of grace they were to me in my life. They were always set apart in their gospel living. Obviously, without the Lord loving them first, they never would have turned to Him. But His faithful pursuit of them individually and together was lived out in their faithful following of Him. [00:04:42]
They were wise beyond their years because they were saturating themselves with His word. They often said that they were growing up alongside us. So asking for forgiveness and being quick to repent was normal in our house. Truly, the gospel was lived out before my very eyes. They loved each other. Oh, how they loved each other. As a kid, it was kind of, too, like a sickening amount. And even to this day, it sometimes feels like they can't function without each other. But they never stopped being high school sweethearts.
I saw them serve in the church. My mom led the kids choir. My dad was a Sunday school teacher. They both served as coaches for a Bible quiz program. They would say that primarily my mom served in programs her kids participated in. And that was such a blessing to me as a young kid.
Both my parents are incredibly musical. My dad formed an acapella singing group of five guys called Pentella. And they did covers of songs by the group Acapella. But then my dad also wrote songs, and they produced their own album in the end. [00:05:47] My mom ran sound for that group with another one of the guys' wives. And that group was also incredibly instrumental.
The biblical truths that were set to music really did sink deep into my heart. And then the fellowship of just gathering with other families for practices and attending concerts. And then even as kids, we got to participate on a song. So that was all awesome.
So many of their choices and how they lived and the ways they served, the Lord used all that to shape me spiritually and instill a foundation of who He was as Savior and Lord to me personally. Through them, I saw unconditional love and grace and wisdom and forgiveness and joy in Jesus.
Then also my home church was instrumental. As a kid, I participated in our kids' choir, which was often over 100 kids. Still to this day, I firmly believe that singing God's truth is invaluable for our souls.
Then I got to be a teenager, and I participated in our Bible quiz program where we learned the word of God. [00:06:51] This program got me studying God's word, aiming for memorization of it, but it was also incredibly fun and totally spoke to my competitive nature. I learned biblical literacy and systematic theology, which are big words, and I had no idea I was learning those through quiz, but now looking back as an adult, I see that I did.
Both of these programs, learning to sing God's truth through song as a kid, and then directly learning His truth through Bible quiz as a 7th through 12th grader, those were mightily used by the Lord to pursue me and draw me to Himself.
But in answering this question, I also just need to make clear that our church wasn't perfect. There were things we, and I wished that we could change, as it wasn't like every single one of our preferences were being met. Youth group was not always easy for me. But my parents had demonstrated what faithfulness and longevity in a local church that's being faithful to the gospel looks like. They demonstrated what that meant, and so we, I persevered. [00:07:52]
I was grown and sanctified because of the church I grew up in, and I'm so thankful for God's pursuit of me through that body of believers. Then I also need to circle back around and say that our family, me specifically, isn't perfect. I just want to make sure I make that disclaimer clear.
I have always been an envelope pusher. I am stubborn. I am proud. I'm judgmental. I believe I'm right pretty much all of the time. I struggle with anger most definitely. I have quite the winning combination of sinfulness. And I wish I could say that all of those are past sins, but many of those are still present. I'm daily dependent on the Lord for His sanctification in my life.
As a teen tween, I especially struggled with identity. I've never been a small skinny person, and I envied those who were. I longed for people's approval, and I constantly felt like I was falling short.
As a middle child, belonging was always something I wrestled with. [00:08:53] My mom had my sister, and they were close. My dad had his one and only son. And with every turn, it felt like I was always the third wheel.
So with all of these feelings and emotions, and without the maturity to really even understand them, or even the tools to manage them, I lashed out in anger and I took liberties on the ones who loved me most. I lashed out at my siblings, and I most definitely lashed out at my mom.
But my family never gave up on me. They loved me unconditionally. And my mom has told me since, and this is just so wise and good for anyone with kids, where a relationship with them is especially challenging. She said she always knew all of my passion could be used for the Lord. And she desired not to break it, but simply bend it.
My dad repeatedly told me growing up that our greatest strength can also be our greatest weakness. So as I struggled with sin, which impacted our relationship, my parents pointed me to Jesus. [00:09:57] They refused to let me die in my sin, and they faithfully called me to repentance and heart change through hard correction. Yet they also extended grace as they were sinners themselves, and they could relate to the need for a Savior and a Lord of their own lives. They loved me fiercely and unconditionally, and never stopped pursuing a relationship with me.
My mom read The Five Love Languages during the time when her and I were really struggling, and that book was instrumental in changing how she approached me. And then I remember my dad would just so patiently listen late at night as I was spewing hateful remarks against his wife, and his verbal response would consistently be slow and wise and laced with grace and understanding.
This is what I remember of childhood. And what is so incredible is that now as I see it as an adult looking back, I see my parents and my influences fading and the Lord just being magnified. It was His faithful pursuit of me, and He used all of these things as instruments to draw my heart to love Him because He first loved me. [00:11:00]
Laura Dugger: Wow, there's so much that stands out in that. First of all, just knowing you, such a close family now that they are some of your best friends.
Jaime Farrell: Totally.
Laura Dugger: And yet looking back, I think there are so many pieces of encouragement for those who are parents alongside of us listening right now that you said when I asked what was most influential, they were not just focused on you kids. You said first that most influential was their relationship with the Lord, and then with one another in their marriage, and then the practicals too of just having conversations with you and doing life with you. We always hear more is caught than taught. But as you reflected back, you really modeled that, so that was very encouraging.
Now you are a wife and also a mom of four. So what values and traditions and rhythms have you carried forward in your own family? [00:12:01]
Jaime Farrell: Yeah, I have told this to my parents several times, but I truly just long to follow their example and really just try to repeat what they did. So growing up, vacations were important. And I've already said my parents were poor, but my grandparents who owned the family company owned a condo in Florida as well.
Each year we would get to go as a family of five and use that gift of free lodging and have time away. Now we always drove our own van. We packed ham and cheese sandwiches for the drive. We cooked all our meals there. But we had dedicated family vacation time.
And Team Ferrell is trying to replicate that ourselves. There is no more grandparents' condo we can use for free, though. But whether it's a weekend away or a full week of vacation, we strive to prioritize time together outside the walls of our home to connect and refresh relationships with each other.
Also, when we were young, my mom had a prayer group of moms who met together and would pray for each other and for their families. [00:13:01] And I did this same thing when my kids were young. And though hers is still going and mine isn't because everyone else moved away on me, just prioritizing the power of prayer was something I saw modeled and something we try to emulate as well.
So my girls are aware that I had a prayer group when they were young, but now prayer looks like prayer time in the car as we taxi drive, prayer as we have hard conversations at the start and at the finish. Prayer around meals, bedtime. Prayers as you unload the dishwasher. Prayers just sprinkled throughout the day.
Then I've already mentioned how my mom served in church in areas where her kids were involved in, and this has been valuable to replicate as well. But additionally, growing up, my parents made sure our home was a gathering place for us and our friends.
They sacrificed friendships themselves to foster friendships for us. They saved up to put a half-basketball court in our backyard and were always willing to host our friends. My mom gladly cooked and made sure there was delicious food for all who came. [00:14:01]
Team Ferrell really is just trying to replicate this hospitality too, as well as prioritizing our kids' friendships above our own at this stage in our lives.
Team Ferrell is also trying to carry forward faithfulness to a faith-filled gospel community of believers. Again, church isn't perfect for us or for our kids right now, and it never will be here on earth, but we persevere with our family of believers and stay engaged and involved because that's what family does. We will not neglect meeting together to encourage one another as long as the day approaches.
Specifically, my parents had us sitting smack in the front of church growing up, and you can find Team Ferrell sitting smack in the front of church every week. And this totally is not my nature. I'm a back-row, balcony kind of girl. In every college class, I sat as far back as possible.
But church is different. I want my kids to see and participate and feel connected. And for us, that just can't happen from the back and on the fringe. [00:15:03] So we open ourselves up to our body of believers, and we love them, and they love us in all of the good, bad, and the ugly.
And then lastly, communication. There's a couple things my parents did in regards to communication that, looking back, I see are so wise, and something we try to replicate.
First, my parents would often invite us to speak into decisions. And now, as an adult, I totally see how they did this. It wasn't that they were asking for our help in making decisions by any means, and it wasn't that their minds weren't already made up. But they allowed us to be heard and express our opinions, and I definitely felt valued because of that.
Whether it was things happening in the family business or whether it was family dynamics, we would sit down together and we would talk. For my family now, we call ourselves Team Ferrell. When Jonathan and I were in Louisville for a seminary degree, the mentor I had for parenting told me the importance of giving your family a nickname, just something to unite yourselves around and that feels special for your people. [00:16:03] We are not overly creative, so we love sports, so we just went with Team Ferrell.
So we often call team meetings when we sit down and talk something through. And so often Jonathan and I already have a plan, an idea of how things are going to go, but we still enjoy hearing perspective from our kids and for them to feel kind of like an MVP on the team. So I loved that as a kid then, and I love it now.
Then secondly, when it comes to communication, for this season of life that we are in as Team Ferrell with older kids, Jorja is 17, Jolie is 15, Jemma is 13, and Job is 10, I find myself becoming my dad and asking "why" a lot. I find it super ironic that when my kids were little, they were the ones asking why, and now as they're older, I'm the one asking them why.
Jolie just got some further ear piercings, and in that process, she expressed her considering getting her nose pierced one day. [00:17:04] And immediately it brought me back to high school when I told my dad I wanted to get a tattoo, and he simply responded calmly with "why".
It was just what they did often. They didn't argue or give a lecture immediately or give a sermon from their perspective. Whenever I would share something with them, like a thought or an idea or even a conclusion I had made, they would just ask a question, why? And it would just probe me.
Why do you want that tattoo, Jaimie? Why do you want to listen to Celine Dion and Mariah Carey? Those were the divas of my day. Why do you want to hang out with that group of people? So I find myself asking why a whole heap these days, like my parents often ask me. You know, I did eventually get that tattoo and a few others, but it wasn't until I was 40.
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Laura Dugger: You have such an abundance of great book recommendations, especially for tweens and teens. Then also, like you said, there's that theme of hospitality. That's what we talked about last time on The Savvy Sauce. And you have great ideas for food to feed a crowd.
I think this fits in well with, as we're discussing even parenting here, because we are raising our children as tech natives. The access to technology is all around. And so there's certain things that I think we're all doing to try and minimize. But we also need to replace it. [00:21:15] And I think of our RO box that is upstairs that is such a good visual prompt to put away the technology.
But then instead, to not be in a vacuum where you just take something away, but to put something good in. And I think reading and family time and hospitality are great things to put in. And they also help us naturally train character in our children.
So I'd love to hear maybe your top 10 in both of these areas. And then I can link to these book titles and recipes in the show notes. But Jaimie, what are your maybe top 10 recommendations for character-shaping tween teen books and some of your favorite snack mixes or desserts or meals for feeding a crowd?
Jaime Farrell: Yeah, it's just such a great question. One of the things we do on kids' birthdays is gift them a privilege, as you've seen them grow in fruit that past year. [00:22:17] Typically around 13, it's the gift of privilege of staying up later and working through a book. And it's been mom because it's the girls. We've had three girls and then Job. So it's been mom, but working through a book. Again, while this hasn't been perfectly, and it takes us sometimes forever to get through a book, it's still something we've tried to practice.
So I wanted to give some of the books that we either have read with our girls or are in the process of reading with our girls. And these are great for tween teen books.
First is This Changes Everything: How the Gospel Transforms the Teen Years. That's by Jaquelle Crowe.
Then secondly, Choosing Love is something we're about to start with Georgia right now, who's 17. That's by Heidi Johnston.
God's Great Story Devotional by Jon Nielson. That's one that we haven't read together, but that's a devotional book that your teen can be doing.
Lies Young Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free. That's by Nancy Wolgemuth and Dannah Gresh. That's what we're reading with Jemma right now. [00:23:25]
10 Questions Every Teen Should Ask (and Answer) about Christianity by Rebecca McLaughlin.
Truth Matters by Andreas J. Köstenberger. That was what we've just given to Jolie. We've read that with Georgia. It's such a great small but digestible book.
And then just two small books that are short. One is The Case for Christianity by C.S. Lewis. That's definitely for older teens. It's mentally deep, and that's one that you should read together with your teen just so that they can help process it, but so important.
If your kid is not a reader, sometimes you need those little, thin, but super powerful. The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Tim Keller is so good.
And then I wanted to include a couple fiction books for this stage. Francine Rivers' A Voice in the Wind series for teens is excellent.
The Rwendigo Tales by J. A. Myhre for tweens is great. [00:24:31]
And then two allegories that I think allegories in the story is so powerful. Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan and Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.
Laura Dugger: Okay, I love all of that so much. I also want to add one that was recommended. I guess maybe it's for slightly younger, but it could be for tween age group. But this book series that Shiloh right now is devouring, The Epic Order of the Seven.
Jaime Farrell: Max and Liz, they are the best. And I almost included these on here, but they are... my kids read them a little bit... I wanted to do a little bit older, but those books are so fantastic to give you the whole overarching picture of the Bible. The whole story from start to finish. It's a fantastic series. Unmissable.
Laura Dugger: And I had never heard of them, and so it has greatly benefited our family. If people are looking for even younger, Little Pilgrim's Progress is such a great read-aloud as well.
Jaime Farrell: So good. [00:25:32]
Laura Dugger: So go ahead and you can share recipes or snacks or desserts you recommend for a crowd too.
Jaime Farrell: So then when we are having people or hosting, we love to do Joy's Dip. As I talked earlier about those, that Pentella group that my dad started singing, Joy's Dip is a dip that Joy, one of the wives, brought to almost every practice. And we still make that all the time. That is a go-to recipe.
Honey Mix, my mom... that is from my mom. I had a friend from high school message me on Facebook and say, "I remember this Honey Mix that your mom used to make, and can you give me that recipe?" So my mom's Honey Mix is always something we have in our freezer.
Candy Bar Bars, this is a recipe from a friend. It uses up Halloween candy. So if you have all of your Halloween chocolate, stick it in the freezer, and then use this recipe for all of that chocolate. [00:26:38] I make those for Georgia, her basketball team, they love those so much. So Candy Bar Bars using your Halloween candy.
Pretzel Cereal Crunch, that's a Taste of Home recipe. We add M&Ms to that, just a little disclaimer. Then there's a Ranch Snack Mix that we use from Taste of Home. We do not put the cashews in, and we add things like Cheez-Its and Rice Checks to that as well. But that is a snack mix that I even throw in my freezer and bust out for when teens come over.
Cookies and Cream Puppy Chow from Sally's Baking Addiction. Red Velvet Oreo Brownies from Sally's Baking Addiction. Cookie Dough Bars from The Recipe Critic. And then Salted Caramel Cookie Bars and Frosted Sugar Cookie Bars from Brown Eyed Baker.
As you can see, I like bars because you can feed a whole heap of people with those, and cut them small, and they're great.
Laura Dugger: Okay, now I'm hungry, and that all sounds amazing. [00:27:37] But I'm just thinking, as you're talking, we're missing a huge one that I was not aware of until we were living in your parents' basement as our home had some renovations. And you sell it now nationwide.
Jaime Farrell: Oh, yes!
Laura Dugger: The Yankees Seasoning. So can you share about that? It was the best-kept Morton secret.
Jaime Farrell: Yeah, I totally would love to share about that because anybody could still get that from me. So I talked about my parents' family business, and one of the things from that family business that my dad developed was this seasoning. He had a steak seasoning and a barbecue seasoning, and we still do the steak seasoning.
Actually, I'm in the process of... I even want to change that name to not steak seasoning, but essential seasoning because it is good on everything. I don't know how to roast vegetables without it. I put it on vegetables. I put it on all my potatoes, all my meat. We do a lot of salmon and tilapia in our house, and I put it on my fish. I don't know how to season without it. [00:28:39] Whenever something says salt and pepper, I use Rocke steak seasoning.
So if you would ever like a bottle, just reach out to me. I can get you a bottle. So it is fantastic.
Laura Dugger: I'm telling you, we keep multiple bottles on hand now because you don't ever want to be out of this once you've experienced it.
Jaime Farrell: I took it over from selling it for my parents because I need it in my life. And I kept running out, and they weren't making it fast enough. So I said, I'm going to go for that.
Laura Dugger: Well, and then, truly, can you give us the best way to reach out to you if anybody does want to try this?
Jaime Farrell: Yeah. It's on Instagram, at Rocke Seasoning, but I would say that I'm just delving into it. But you can either find me on Facebook or Instagram and truly just ask for a bottle. It is $6 for a bottle, or you can get a box of six bottles for $30. I can either drop it to you. I've done that before, or people pick it up from my porch. It's that easy.
And, oh, we do ship nationally. So it's totally fine if you don't live in Illinois or near Morton. We can ship it to you. [00:29:42]
Laura Dugger: Wonderful. We'll link to that as well. But Rocke is spelled R-O-C-K-E when you're searching.
I want to take a moment to say thank you. You are the reason our team gets to delight in this work. And we appreciate each of you so very much. If you're benefiting from the lessons learned and applied from The Savvy Sauce, would you take a minute to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts?
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Well, Jaimie, let's also just start to hone in on your spiritual journey. So will you share how God drew you into a loving and personal relationship with Him?
Jaime Farrell: I love that you state the question like this, that you start that it's God who draws us into loving relationship with Him. [00:30:43] He's the one who loves us first and who pursues us, and it is His act that changes our heart.
It's not anything my parents did. I've listed a whole heap of things, but there's also kids who grew up in Pentella as well, and there's kids from Kids Choir and kids from Bible Quiz who don't walk with Jesus. So there is not a formula that draws you into loving relationship. It's God does the work in your heart. So I can't emphasize that enough.
But as I've already shared, God used my parents and God used my local church to draw me to Himself. I confessed my need of Him as a Savior around six, and I distinctly remember desiring Him as Lord of my life when I was around 13. And then I've been in the process of sanctification ever since.
Laura Dugger: Thank you so much. It is always just encouraging to hear other people's testimonies and God's creative individual work in each of our lives.
Jaime Farrell: It's a passionate pursuit. [00:31:46]
Laura Dugger: Well, since becoming a Jesus follower, what ways have you continued to see God at work in ways that are both big and small?
Jaime Farrell: So the Word tells us in Joshua 3 that as the Israelites crossed the Jordan River that the Lord had parted for them to walk through. One person from each tribe was to collect a rock that they could stack as a memorial of remembrance of the event. It literally says "so that when your children ask you in due time, what do these stones mean?, you will tell them about the waters of the Jordan being split so the Ark of the Covenant could pass."
I believe each of us have rocks that we can point to and say, Here's evidence of God at work in my life. Here's when I know He was changing me and growing me in my understanding of Him. Basically, like here's where I know He renewed my mind, right? It's where we see Him changing our thinking. I could sit here for quite a while sharing my rocks, but I want to just share a few of my past rocks. [00:32:54]
One was when I was young, it was what actually sparked my desire to even be baptized. At that point in time, I switched schools and moved from public to private school. And I've already shared the depth of my sin nature, and the importance of this decision to switch schools was monumental for me, but not in the way you might think.
Switching schools didn't solve my sin problem. It wasn't that the changing of my circumstances was going to fix my irritability or my anger or my envy or my pursuit of people's perception of me. It was deciding in my heart that I'm going to follow Jesus and love Him with all of my being, no matter what school environment I am in. Going to private school helped me see that sin is rampant no matter what environment I'm in and my need for Jesus as both Savior and Lord was the same everywhere I went.
Another rock for me was in college. I read a book, When People are Big and God is Small. And I believe beyond the Bible this should be required reading for all people. [00:34:00] I shared earlier my sin struggles of envy and people-pleasing and their perception of me and wanting to belong to groups beyond just Jesus. And the Lord really did a number on my heart in college with those struggles through the reading of this book.
I finally laid down the root of minimizing God and maximizing people. And that's really just Romans 1 right there, the worshiping and serving created things, rather than the creator who is forever praised. Amen.
Laura Dugger: That's what Romans 1 says.
Jaime Farrell: In my journey of sanctification, that was just a massive gift of grace to learn to delight in the bigness of God first and foremost.
And then I'd love to share two more recent rocks when God shifted my thinking, when He changed me that slight degree, just that one degree of glory, and grew me in my understanding of Him.
One was nearly a year into our marriage. I had gotten a job teaching fourth grade at a private school in Louisville, Kentucky. And for months, I was coming home hoarse and with no voice left. [00:35:06] And for a long time, I chalked it up to I am just a loud person. I'm projecting all day long, so I'm just straining my vocal cords.
Also, I had noticed that by the end of the day, even swallowing was starting to feel uncomfortable. But again, I chalked that up to the strain of my voice and really believed that just once my voice got used to the daily extra speaking, it would just go back to normal and be fine.
Well, at the end of one school day, a mom of one of my students pointed to my throat and said it looked like I had a baseball in my throat. And I touched my neck for the first time and sure enough, I had a huge ball protruding out.
Why I had not noticed it, I have no idea. But the moment I looked in the mirror, there was no denying it. I had a mass on my throat that was clearly visible. So we went to the doctor, and they ordered a biopsy of the lump. And mercifully, the biopsy came back clear, no cancer but the lump was significant in size. [00:36:08] The doctor was recommending surgery to remove the lump along with most of my right thyroid.
However, before surgery, he called Jonathan and I to discuss the risks. There was a high risk of damage to my vocal cords. Now, I love music. And as you've already heard, my parents instilled that in me. And singing was something I have loved since I was young.
My family was always singing. My dad taught me to match my voice to those divas I loved listening to. He taught me to aim for, quote-unquote, ear candy. I was a music minor in college and I was serving at our church in Louisville as part of our choir and worship team.
So when the doctor communicated that speaking would not be affected, but singing could be, it stopped me in my tracks. Did I really want to do this surgery and risk being able to sing?
As we prayed about it, I was wrestling with the Lord. [00:37:11] This surgery, in many ways, felt necessary. I was more than uncomfortable with this baseball in my throat. The pressure was becoming painful and it was impacting my ability to do my teaching job well.
But to do surgery and risk not being able to sing? I mean, that was like what I was known for. That's what I found notoriety and significance in. And in the wrestling with the Lord, he was teaching me that I had found my identity in what I did, not in who I was. And this is something I should have already learned.
You see, my dad had told us every single time we walked out of the door, remember who you are and whose you are. And this is something we have carried to our kids, too. And when you have a moment, just think about how that phrase, remember who you are and whose you are, truly roots your identity in truth.
It's huge, and it's vital for ourselves and our kids to hear again and again and again. [00:38:15] And I had heard that over and over growing up, and now I was needing to apply that.
Yes, the Lord had given the gift of song, but I was far more in love and attached to the gift than I was to the giver. He had revealed my Isaac, so to speak. Was I willing to sacrifice that, even that, if He asked?
So convinced that this is what he was asking me, we went ahead with surgery. And when I got out, the surgeon said, removing the lump and my thyroid went smoothly. And then I kid you not, he said it was as if there was light shining on my cords. I knew the Lord had done it.
And more importantly, I knew He had shifted my thinking, that my identity was not in my voice, but in His. As his sheep, I know his voice, and His voice is far more important than mine.
Laura Dugger: Wow, oh my goodness, that gets me every time you share that story. [00:39:17] I can just visualize God's light right on your vocal cords. And that it was such an intricate surgery. You had said if they made any wrong move, it would have damaged it, and just His protection, and He gets so much glory for that.
Jaime Farrell: Totally.
Laura Dugger: And He was so good.
Jaime Farrell: So good. So good.
Laura Dugger: Well, you also said there was one other recent spiritual rock. You can continue.
Jaime Farrell: Yeah. Another more recent, not from my childhood rock, was the following year after that surgery. And this would be a rock that I would have to experience not once, but twice. We became pregnant, and we had just shared the news with our parents.
One night I was waiting for Jonathan to get back home from picking up a to-go order of our favorite dessert from Olive Garden at the time and I went to the bathroom and saw that my underwear were soaked with blood. [00:40:16]
That night at the ER, it was confirmed that our baby was no longer with us. I spent the next week sobbing my eyes out, bleeding continually, trying to go to work every day and act as if things were okay to these dear 10-year-olds who were in my class. After another week, the baby still hadn't moved. It was still very much attached, right in the same exact spot, as if it didn't want to leave.
Honestly, tears still come when I think about how my baby had to be cut out of me because no matter how long I continued to bleed, it just remained. We unintentionally got pregnant right after, and mercifully that baby survived and is now 17 years old.
But our third pregnancy, we once again were thrilled to see a positive test, but something made me hesitant to rejoice over this life. We went to the doctor's office, and it confirmed my suspicions. Our baby would once again be one we would never hold this side of heaven. [00:41:15]
And while we waited again for that baby to release on its own, this time I barely bled. Finally, after weeks of waiting for things to move on their own, I had surgery for a second time. We would go on to have three more pregnancies after that, and those kids are now 15, 13, and 10, praise God. But each pregnancy meant a surrender for me.
There is nothing I could do to sustain or save those lives. And the Lord knew that I needed that shift in my thinking. Being in control, believing I'm capable, leaning on my own understanding, these are things I struggle with. And then when I apply those things to my kids, mercy's sakes.
And while I wish I could say I've experienced full victory or freedom from those ideas when it comes to my kids, I can't. But the Lord needed to remove those two babies from me to show me with each and every pregnancy that life is His, not mine. [00:42:15] That these are knit together by Him, not me. That their days are numbered by Him, not me.
You remember that tattoo I talked about before? It's why I did eventually get His, the word "His", tattooed on the top of my left foot, so that I can forever be reminded who I belong to and who my kids truly belong to. So these are just a few of the rocks in my life. And I love when my kids ask about them, and I love that I'm getting to share them with you today.
Laura Dugger: Well, I'm such a mixture of grateful and humbled that you were willing to share with us. So thank you. Every time we share these testimonies, it is so glorifying, I believe, to our Lord.
Jaime Farrell: Thank you.
Laura Dugger: Miscarriage is something we haven't shared in-depth on The Savvy Sauce, and it is so prevalent. Would you even have it in you to pray over those who are in the midst of that or who have gone through that? [00:43:22]
Jaime Farrell: Yeah, I would love to. Before I do that, I just want to say again, this just reminds me that in the loss of our first, when I was sobbing, my dad said, "God's going to use this, and you're going to be able to comfort others with the comfort you're being able to receive right now." So yeah.
And then I also want to give one little just encouraging thing that we have continued to practice. Somebody, when we lost our first, how they honored the life of our baby was by making a donation to an orphanage in Africa, and we have continued that practice.
And that's a great way that when you hear of somebody who's miscarried, write them a note, make a donation. We donate to Camp of Champions here. That's a local ministry for us. But make a donation in the name of that baby as a way to honor that life.
So let's pray. Father, thank you so much for the truth of Your word that says You knit and fashion us in the womb of our mother. [00:44:25] And that includes every life from the moment of conception.
We praise You for every pregnancy You have ever created as we see it as an act of the Alpha and the Omega. We trust, Lord, that whether that pregnancy comes to fruition or not, that you have planned and purposed it for Your glory and for our good.
Lord, You know the ache. You know the lament. You know the grief. We don't get to experience the joy of that baby here on earth. And for all the mamas who have experienced that or who will experience that, Father, I pray that they would find their portion and their strength in You.
Father, for the loss of those couples, Lord, we had to learn how to grieve together as a couple. [00:45:28] I pray that You would strengthen those marriages. I pray for the physical outworking of those miscarriages for those women. I pray for their bodies, that You would be that great physician.
Lord, I pray for even... I want to speak to even abortions, those pregnancies that don't happen because of choice. I pray for the hurt that that causes the moms. I pray for that secrecy, and I pray, Father, that even, Lord, you would come alongside all mothers, whether miscarriage, whether abortion. God, I thank You so much that You are the rock to cling to, You are the one we can turn to. You are the foundation. You are the hope.
Thank you, Lord, that we can remember who we are and whose we are. And, Lord, that truly these babies, these pregnancies, are gifts of You in every form, whether cut short or whether ones we hold here on earth. We love You, Lord God, and we thank You and praise You that, in the end, You're going to make this right and that there will be an end to loss of pregnancy. We love you, Lord Jesus. In your name we pray. Amen. [00:46:49]
Laura Dugger: Amen. Indeed. Even as you modeled how we can just turn to the Lord in anything, it automatically makes me think of Scripture, too. And so as we're starting to bring our time to a close, do you have any favorite Scripture to impart to us for some final encouragement?
Jaime Farrell: Yeah, the first is John 3:30. I feel like that verse defined my early decades, and it's short and simple and sweet so we can all memorize it. He must become greater, I must become less. Whether it was changing schools or learning to love Him first before people and keep Him big and people small, or laying down my doing and to be more concerned with my being, He was teaching me John 3:30. He must become greater, I must become less.
Then in my late 30s, I walked through Deuteronomy and just fell in love with that book. It's basically Moses' summary to the people of all that's happened and how God has loved and pursued His people and how people can love and pursue God in response. [00:47:57]
In chapter 30, it specifically starts by recounting all that God has done for His people and all that God wants to do for His people by circumcising their hearts, by making them new. And it says that this new heart isn't too hard for us. We simply accept His free gift. Nor is it too far from us. Jesus was coming, yahoo!
And so it says in verse 15 that God has basically set before us two options, life and good or death and evil. And at the end of that chapter it says, and now I'm going to stop paraphrasing and start actually quoting, it says, "Therefore, choose life, so that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying His voice, and holding fast to Him, for He, He is your life and your length of days."
This is my deepest desire, to daily live alive in Him. And being alive will look like loving Him, obeying Him, holding fast to Him, clinging to Him, not to my kids, not to my husband, not to the people around me, not to my job, not to my gifts, because He is my life and length of days. [00:49:14] He is the one going with me to eternity. And living in such a way like this gives my kids an opportunity to follow my example as I follow Christ, the same opportunity my parents gave me.
Laura Dugger: Wow. Amen again. And just getting this special hour set aside to chat with you, I am just reminded of the abundant gift of friendship. I can't believe the Lord gave you as a friend and I'm so grateful. I learned so much from you. And you clearly have such a gift for teaching. You use that in our church through the week, leading women's Bible Study. But if anybody else wants to get to know you better, where can they also join you?
Jaime Farrell: Yeah. You can find me on Facebook or Instagram. Jonathan & Jaime Farrell. And you're always welcome to reach out there or, truth be told, you can reach out to Laura and she can connect us together as well. [00:50:15]
I just also want to invite people to join in on a couple different spaces that were instrumental in my life that I've already talked about and they're still happening today.
So first, if you're local, Kids Choir. I lead Kids Choir at Grace Church on Wednesdays, 5:45 to 6:25 p.m., starting in August around the time school starts and running through the first half of December. If your kids aren't singing truth alongside other kids, come join us.
And if you are not local, I would really strongly encourage you to start something like that in your church or look for ways that you can do that in your local area. Singing truth alongside kids, it just deeply implants the words into their hearts.
Then Bible quizzing. This is for 7th grade to 12th grade. Again, if you're local and you want to get your tween teen interacting with the Word of God, learning how to study it, learning how to memorize it, learning how to ask questions of it, learning how to apply it, all in a super fun way alongside others, this is the place to do it. [00:51:16]
They meet on Sunday nights from 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. at Grace Church and then most attend a SNAQ, S-N-A-Q, Sunday Night After Quiz, where they go to the home of someone in the church and play games and eat food and enjoy each other's company. It is fantastic.
Again, it's not a perfect program, but as our youth pastor said, show me another program that a church does that really gets the kids engaged with the Word of God. It's just a great way for students to be learning the Word of God in such a fun atmosphere.
And then if you've got any questions about either one of these, even if you're not local and you want to know how do we do that, whether it's Kids Choir or quiz, reach out to me, again, through Facebook, Instagram. I'd always be happy to give you my phone number and we can chat or meet up face-to-face.
You do not need to attend Grace Church to participate in either one of those things. Of course, that would be incredibly awesome. And again, if you reach out to me, my family would be glad to meet you at the door of Grace Church and sit with you if ever you want to visit. [00:52:17]
Laura Dugger: Wonderful. We will add the links to all of those options in the show notes. And I echo all that you said.
But Jaimie, you are already familiar, we're called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so is my final question for you today, what is your Savvy Sauce?
Jaime Farrell: So last time I shared, my dads' remember who you are and whose you are. And today, just after our chat, I would just say take a moment today and note one or two of your own rocks. Think about the ways you've seen God at work and then today, be willing to share a rock with someone.
Tell your kids. Tell your friends. Tell your neighbors. Speak often and quickly about all the ways you've seen God at work. Psalm 78:4 and 7 says, "We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and His might, and the wonders that He has done. ...so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments." Today tell a rock to someone. [00:53:24]
Laura Dugger: Wow. I love that. I have experienced the Holy Spirit over this entire conversation.
Jaime Farrell: Thank you, Lord.
Laura Dugger: And we got to even pray together before we pressed record. And you prayed, Lord, send the angels even to guard my lips. And He was faithful and good again and answered that.
And the way that your scripture and stories spoke to my heart were so encouraging. And that is my prayer that everybody listening right now. If you're feeling stirred or you are encouraged and motivated to share a rock, I believe that is the Lord speaking to you and prompting you and nudging you that way. So, Jaimie, I just love you so much. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for coming back. And thank you for being my guest today.
Jaime Farrell: Thanks so much, Laura. Love you.
Laura Dugger: Love you.
One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. [00:54:25] Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves.
This means there is absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a Savior.
But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news.
Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. [00:55:28]
Romans 10.9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
So would you pray with me now? Heavenly Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him. You get the opportunity to live your life for Him. And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you ready to get started?
First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. [00:56:25] The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes & Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible, and I love it. You can start by reading the Book of John.
Also, get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps, such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.
We want to celebrate with you too, so feel free to leave a comment for us here if you did make a decision to follow Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.
Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.
If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.
Wednesday Aug 07, 2024
Wednesday Aug 07, 2024
Special Patreon Re-Release: Purposeful and Practical with Emily Thomas
Proverbs 14:18b (AMP) “But the sensible [are thoughtful and far-sighted and] are crowned with knowledge."
Emily Thomas is the Chief of Staff at Cultivate What Matters, the home of the PowerSheets® Goal Planner and all things intentional living. With over 11 years at Cultivate, Emily loves helping women uncover what matters, set good goals, and live them out with joy. Her free time is spent with her high-school-sweetheart husband and two young kiddos, going on everyday adventures, and writing her personal blog, Em for Marvelous.
Recommended Resources for Goal Setting and Intentional Living:
Connect with Emily Thomas on Instagram: @emilyyayer and @cultivatewhatmatters
Recommended Previous Episode from The Savvy Sauce: Fruitful in 2020 with Laura Dugger
Links to Some of Emily’s Blog Posts:
Keeping things simple with kids
My practices and boundaries around work
EFM archive of personal finance posts
Monthly Relationship Prep Days
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Magic Mind (Get up to 56% off your subscription or save 20% off your one time purchase when you use the code SavvySauce20 at checkout)
Connect with The Savvy Sauce through Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Monday Aug 05, 2024
Monday Aug 05, 2024
Top Ten from 2023: #1 School Series: Benefits of Homeschooling with Jodi Mockabee
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (NIV) “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
Questions and Topics We Cover:
- How did your grandfather teach you about “kingdom economy”?
- How have you set up your life in such a way that your entire family pursues wholeness?
- Do you have any other practical tips for parenting or homeschooling you'd like to share?
Jodi Mockabee is a photographer, writer, blogger, speaker, social media influencer, and homeschooling mother of five living in the Black Hills of South Dakota. With a passion for health, wellness, parenting, and more, Jodi blogs her family's journey and shares tips for a healthy and active lifestyle. She also writes curriculum for creative and artistic learning in a homeschool environment. Find her at JodiMockabee.com.
Jodi's Book: The Whole & Healthy Family
Follow Jodi on Instagram
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Four30 Scones
Connect with The Savvy Sauce through Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Monday Jul 29, 2024
Monday Jul 29, 2024
*Disclaimer* This episode is not intended for young ears.
Top Ten from 2023: #2 Tremendous Testimony and Adding Spark into Your Marriage with David & Terri Sumlin
James 4:8 (NKJV) "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded."
Questions and Topics We Discuss:
- As it so often happens, What the enemy meant for evil, God used for your good. How did He begin to do that?
- What are some practical things we can be doing in our own relationships to prioritize and delight in our marriages?
- What specific stories can you share to encourage married couples and parents?
David and Terri Sumlin are co-founders of Marriage Life Ministries and authors of the Oneness of Marriage®, Intimacy of Marriage®, and Marriage Innovators Workshop® series designed to help couples enrich their marriages through the application of biblical principles and adventure-based learning. They both have served over the last 18 years as international marriage educators, retreat leaders, pastoral counselors, and conference speakers.
Their unique approach to marital education is built upon some of the advances found in neuroscience, psychology, physiology, and adventure-based therapy, which ultimately is tested through the lens of God’s word for validation. The result is an Activity-Based Marital Enrichment process that helps couples derive behavioral transformation and sustained learning. Couples who participate in these types of marital enrichment programs are 84% more likely to report having increased levels of marital satisfaction long after the program has ended.
David is a native Texan and earned his bachelor's degree in finance from the University of North Texas. He served as a management consultant with the American Productivity & Quality Center and later as an executive for Hewlett Packard. In 2002, after sensing God’s call to enter full-time vocational ministry, David enrolled at Dallas Theological Seminary to pursue a master’s degree in biblical counseling as well as a doctorate in marriage and family ministry. Upon graduating from DTS, he received his call to pastor a church in northwest Houston for seven years before serving as a full-time marriage educator.
Terri was born in Ashland, Kentucky. She earned her bachelor’s degree in Education from the University of North Texas. Upon graduating, Terri has been blessed with a 23-year career as an English teacher. Terri is a leader in women’s ministry and serves full-time alongside David in their combined marriage and family ministry.
David and Terri currently live in Houston, TX and will celebrate their 34th wedding anniversary this year. They have two children, a son Robin and a daughter Morgan who married the love of her life, Zach and gave the Sumlin’s their first grandson, Brooks and granddaughter Sadie.
The Types of Marital Programs that we offer are three-fold. Marriage Adventures are 7-day high adrenaline programs that include white-water rafting, challenge courses, and other high adventure activities designed to engage the emotional, cognitive, and behavioral parts of marital enrichment. Marriage Outbacks provide much of the same experiential-based learning objectives as our Adventure programs except that it is condensed into a weekend version where couples rough it in the great outdoors. The third type of program that we offer is our romantic Marriage Getaways hosted in intimate locations around the world.
Conferences, Workshops, & Pastoral Counseling. In addition to our highly successful marital enrichment programs, we also facilitate marital education for churches, small groups, and organizations in both large conference and intimate workshop venues. In addition, we offer pastoral marriage support and pre-marital counseling on a case-by-case basis.
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Dream Seller Travel, Megan Rokey
Connect with The Savvy Sauce through Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Monday Jul 22, 2024
Monday Jul 22, 2024
Top Ten from 2023: #3 Making Your Home a Place of Love and Peace With Late Author and International Speaker, Devi Titus
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” -Titus 2:3-5 (NIV)
Devi Titus was wife of Larry Titus and an international Christian conference speaker and author. She was an award winning communicator with the Washington Press Women’s Association and spoke to multiple thousands annually, both nationally and globally. She first came to the attention of women nationwide in 1978 when she founded and edited VIRTUE magazine, a successful Christian alternative to secular women’s magazines. VIRTUE magazine raised a standard of excellence for women’s lives for 22 years. She was an author and founder of The Mentoring Mansion (eventually called the TITUS HOME). Married for over 58 years, Larry and Devi had two children, six grandchildren, and eleven great grandchildren. She and her husband resided in the Dallas/Ft Worth, TX area and traveled extensively worldwide.
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Home Experience by Devi Titus and Trina Loranzo
The Table Experience by Devi Titus
When Leaders Live Together by Devi Titus
Thank You to Our Sponsor: The Sue Neihouser Team
Connect with The Savvy Sauce through Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Monday Jul 15, 2024
Monday Jul 15, 2024
Top Ten from 2023: #4 Parenting for the Relationship with Sandra Stanley
Proverbs 27:18 a “He who tends the fig tree will eat its fruit,“
Questions and Topics We Discuss:
- Will you share the story of how you and Andy arrived at your overall vision and goal for parenting?
- How does the “law of the harvest” apply to parenting?
- Will you share your family's personal "keystone habits" you chose to set in place, rather than creating a long list of rules?
Sandra Stanley received her bachelor of science degree from Georgia Tech and master of arts from Dallas Theological Seminary. Sandra has a heart for foster kids and foster families, as she and Andy have been foster parents since 2010. Her ministry passion is promoting foster care in the local church. Much of her time these days is spent working on various writing projects and continuing her involvement with Fostering Together, the foster care initiative of North Point Ministries.
North Point Community Church Resources
Thank You to Our Sponsors: For Girls Like You
Connect with The Savvy Sauce through Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Monday Jul 08, 2024
Monday Jul 08, 2024
Top Ten from 2023: #5 Planting Seeds of Faith in Our Children with Courtney DeFeo
Galatians 6:7 (NIV) Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
Questions and Topics We Discuss:
-
When you reflect back on parenting, what are you most pleased with, regarding ways you and your husband chose to invest in your family?
-
What are a few of your favorite ways to plant and cultivate seeds of faith in everyday family life with your own kids?
-
How can we disciple our children to be a friend to God?
Courtney DeFeo wants to be a resource and help to YOU, more than she want you to be impressed by HER. She believes God gifted all of us with unique talents and passions. She's had fun discovering a few of hers and using them to support her fellow moms, parents and women in this journey called life. What’s the point of great ideas if we just hoard them to ourselves? However, it’s important to note – she in a “Season of Rest” right now! Find out more on her website: www.courtneydefeo.com.
Other Episodes Mentioned:
Finding Your Purpose as a Mom with Courtney DeFeo
*Special Patreon Release* Ideas for Spreading Generosity with Courtney DeFeo
Self-Care in Motherhood with Karen Stubbs
Life is Better with the Holy Spirit with Jeannie Cunnion
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Spark Academy (Mention The Savvy Sauce to Unlock Your Special Discount!)
Connect with The Savvy Sauce through Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Monday Jul 01, 2024
Monday Jul 01, 2024
*DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults
Top Ten from 2023: #6 Secrets of Sex and Marriage: An Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma
Micah 6:8 (NIV) "He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
Questions and Topics We Cover:
-
Will you share a few practical sexual education tips with us?
-
What are the best ways spouses can practice communicating well about sex and what are the potential benefits?
-
How does "desire tend to work differently for men and women"?
Dr. Michael Sytsma is a certified sex therapist, ordained minister, and co-founder of sexual wholeness. Dr. Mike has been working with couples in a variety of capacities since 1987. He currently works with Building Intimate Marriages in Atlanta, GA as he meets with clients, teaches, and speaks at various conferences. He and Karen have been married since 1985 and have two sons, Josiah and Caleb, and one daughter-in-law.
Secrets of Sex and Marriage Website
Building Intimate Marriages Website
Previous Episodes with Dr. Mike on The Savvy Sauce podcast:
Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview with Dr. Michael Sytsma
Desire Discrepancy in Marriage with Dr. Michael Sytsma
Patreon 29 Remaining Sexually Engaged Through The Years with Dr. Michael Sytsma
Thank You to Our Sponsor: The Sue Neihouser Team
Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website
Donate to Savvy Sauce Charities here!
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”