The Savvy Sauce

https://feed.podbean.com/thesavvysauce/feed.xml

494.4K

Downloads

353

Episodes

Practical Chats for Intentional Living

Episodes

Monday Sep 23, 2024

Special Patreon Re-Release: Lead with Questions in Parenting with Stacy Bellward

Monday Sep 23, 2024

Special Patreon Re-Release: Lead with Questions in Parenting with Stacy Bellward

**Transcription Below**

Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV) "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Stacy Bellward has walked thousands of parents through all of Connected Families online courses - encouraging them, asking thoughtful questions and nudging them toward new thinking. Her favorite is finding and celebrating the small wins with parents. A speaker, Stacy is real and brings stories of her own: raising 2 high schoolers, 20 year multicultural marriage, adoption, and learning in ever increasing ways to trust God with it all. Stacy is a certified leadership coach, Bible Study teacher, award winning author, Connected Families podcast host, and soccer mom.

Connected Families Website

Online Courses Through Connected Families (20% off when you use the code SAVVY at checkout!)

Connected Families Podcast

Thank You to Our Sponsor: Magic Mind (Get up to 56% off your subscription or save 20% off your one time purchase when you use the code SavvySauce20 at checkout.)

Connect with The Savvy Sauce through Our Website

Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!

Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)

Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”

Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”

Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”

Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“

Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“

Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

**Transcription**

[00:00:00] <music>

Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.

[00:00:17] <music>

Laura Dugger: Slumber Sleepwear invites you to experience what true rest feels like. What you wear to bed and how you feel in your pajamas is a critical part of your evening wellness routine, so sleep well, live brilliantly. Slumber Sleepwear is available online at slumbersleepwear.com.

If this is your first time here, welcome! You may be wondering what it means to have a special Patreon release. So here's the scoop. Patreon was a platform we used to generate financial support for The Savvy Sauce, and we expressed our thanks to those paying patrons by giving them a bonus episode every month.

But in 2024, we transitioned away from Patreon when we became a non-profit called The Savvy Sauce Charities. [00:01:18] The podcast is part of this non-profit, which exists to resource loved ones to inspire growth and intimacy with God and others.

So people used to pay to support us through Patreon, but now they can just donate directly to our non-profit. We spend thousands of dollars each year to record and produce these episodes, and we do pray that they're beneficial and that God sees fit to use them to be transformational in your life.

If that is the case, if you have ever benefited from an episode of The Savvy Sauce, would you consider showing your gratitude through your financial generosity? Any amount is greatly appreciated. In fact, if every listener gave only $1 per month, it would completely offset our costs.

We have all the details on our website, thesavvysauce.com, but feel free to also reach out to our team anytime if you want to partner together. Our email address is info@thesavvysauce.com. [00:02:23]

My guest is the founder of Reclaimed Hope Initiative, Bettina Stevens.

Here's our chat.

Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Bettina.

Bettina Stevens: Hi, Laura. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Laura Dugger: Well, let's just begin here. How did you originally come to faith in Christ?

Bettina Stevens: I grew up in the church. My father has been a pastor for as long as I can remember, and probably about 25 years even before I was born. So I've always had God in my life in some way, shape, or form.

But honestly, it wasn't really until I went to college that I really found my own relationship with God that didn't feel like it was something that I was taught growing up, or part of just an expectation of my life in my upbringing. It was just a really beautiful time for me to really connect with Him in a different way and really kind of, you know, reconstruct and deconstruct some of the things I've learned and really create that into my own faith relationship with Him. [00:03:32]

Laura Dugger: Well, when you think back to that pivotal time in college when you're making that relationship your own with Christ, how did you anticipate your life playing out at that point?

Bettina Stevens: My husband and I were high school sweethearts, so we have been together for a very long time and were together all through college. So we kind of always planned on getting married soon after college. We always said we'd have four kids, two biological, two adopted. That was always part of the plan.

Then I had always wanted to become a physical therapist. So after college, I had planned to apply to physical therapy school, get my doctorate, and then really just kind of start our life together. You know, we talked about traveling and regular time away and really just diving into being a young married couple and just growing our family. [00:04:30]

So, yeah, even in college, this was something we kind of actively talked about and played through in our lives, and we were just excited to get that started.

Laura Dugger: So you two are in college and you're dreaming about the future, but you already had mentioned that adoption was in the plan. So do you remember how old you were when God first laid the idea of adoption on your heart?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah. I never grew up with adoption in my life, except through the story of my birth. My parents actually had planned to adopt a child between my brother, who's older than me, and my birth. Actually, that little girl was stolen from them before they were even able to bring her home. It was a very heartbreaking story for them, but something that God really laid on their hearts of adoption and how that would play out.

And so it was just a really beautiful story of redemption for them in terms of this little girl was stolen from them on January 15th, 1985. Both of my parents really still felt like they were supposed to have another baby. [00:05:42]

I was actually born January 15th, 1987, like two years to the day, to the hour that that little girl was stolen from my parents. So that was always a part of my story, always told to me in different ways. And so, I don't know, I always feel like I had that adoption seed within me from a very young age. It was just something I was always open to and curious about.

Then as I got older, honestly, I've never really felt compelled to have biological children. It was never really something that I dreamed of or longed for. I talked to so many other women who were like, Oh, I just always wanted to be a mom or I always wanted to be pregnant. And that was just never my story.

I was actually really nervous about being a mom and I was really nervous about kind of what that would look like. It was just never something I felt compelled to do. We talked about biological kids because I felt like that's what you do. You get married and you have biological children. [00:06:44]

But adoption was always a part of my plan, really just in feeling like there's so many children in the world who need a family. And why couldn't we do that for them?

So whenever Paul and I were talking about it, even early on in our marriage, I would say for me, that seed was really planted towards the end of high school, beginning of college, where I really felt like, yes, I want to be an adoptive mother, whatever that may look like. I don't know. But that seed was really planted deep.

Then I remember being very nervous to bring it up with Paul and talk with him through that. He was totally on board when we finally had the conversation and felt very similar. So that was just really confirming for me in our marriage and in our relationship. And it was just always part of our plan after that. So, you know, we didn't ever really know what that would look like but we were both very much on the same page from the beginning.

And it really wasn't until our first mission trip to Uganda in 2014 that we both felt like God was telling us that it was time to pursue our first adoption. [00:07:46]

Laura Dugger: Okay. There are a few parts that I want to elaborate on here. So with you and Paul discussing this, you said he was on board right away. Was it something that he just was at peace with through conversation with you or was it something that he also had felt called to before you even talked about it?

Bettina Stevens: I really feel like it was something he felt called to before we even talked about it. I'm not sure that he had really put words to it until we had the conversation. But he very much has felt that same calling of just, you know, I don't feel like we have to have biological children.

I don't know, I remember our first conversation and feeling so much relief in that of just like, wow, we both really feel like we are on the same page. And really realizing how unique that is, because the majority of families that we talk to, it's really the wife who kind of is more on board in terms of adoption, and the husband kind of comes around eventually. [00:08:47] Obviously that's not everyone's story, but the majority it is.

For us to just feel like we were on the same page and ready to take that step together was very reassuring and just a clear calling from God for us, knowing that we were both already there together.

Laura Dugger: If this is too intrusive, you don't have to answer. But I'm also curious, when you say that this daughter born the same day, two years prior to your birth, when you say she was stolen from your parents, can you share that story?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah, of course. So I have two older brothers before me, and then my parents both really felt called to adopt as well. And so they had done all the paperwork, gone through the entire process, and they flew to Mexico to pick up their daughter, who they had already prayed for, like created a family around.

She was being cared for by the village doctor and his wife. [00:09:49] And at the time, the village doctor's wife really felt like she was her daughter. So my parents flew in, they met with the doctor, they saw their daughter, and then the next day, when they were supposed to come back and sign the paperwork to be able to officially make her theirs and bring her back home, the doctor's wife had fled with her.

And so they spent the next few days really just trying to find their baby and figure out what happened. And it was just so heartbreaking because unfortunately it didn't happen and they couldn't find her.

So they flew home kind of not really knowing what to do and feeling, I guess, a balance of anger and being so heartbroken at the same time. My mom said it really took her a year before she felt like she was able to even begin the journey of forgiveness for this woman and never realizing that they would find their baby again. [00:10:50] So it was just a crazy story of heartbreak for them.

During that time, my mom still really felt led to have another baby. The funny part is she had asked my dad, "I really feel led to continue growing our family," and my dad was like, no, we're good. I think we're good. We have two boys like this awful thing just happened. Why would we put ourselves through something more?"

And so my mom just said, "Can you go away for the weekend and pray? And if God tells you we're not supposed to have another baby, then I will just let that go. But if He tells you we are, then let's continue this journey of parenthood."

And so my dad went away. And he's told me so many times that he went away thinking he was just going to spend three days relaxing, you know? He said he spent about 48 hours just sleeping and hanging out and then had this really huge conviction from God and so started praying. [00:11:49] God did very much confirm that they were supposed to have another baby but He also confirmed that it would be a girl.

My dad wrote down the day I would be born, the time, my height, my weight, my gender in a journal that he felt like God really shared with him. And I was born to those exact specifications two years to the day that little baby was stolen from them. So just a really beautiful story of heartbreak and redemption on the other side for them.

Laura Dugger: Oh, my goodness, I've got tears in my eyes just thinking of that up-and-down journey for them. When we get to hear this years later and we get to see even little bits of God working all of these things together for good, it's so encouraging to see that. But yet I'm sure living in the moment when your daughter is stolen from you and you're going through the process of forgiveness, there's just so much at that time I can see where it would have been a really difficult season. [00:12:53] And I'm sure you were such a joy.

Bettina Stevens: Yeah, absolutely. You know, my mom says she didn't find out if it was a boy or girl intentionally because she didn't want to be sad. And my dad didn't tell her that he had all that information until after I was born. So it was kind of this, you know, like God secret that my dad had that he just said, "We'll just wait and see." And then after the fact, so confirming for both of them.

Laura Dugger: Wow. Well, then for you specifically, has there been any scripture that God's used to provide you with comfort along the way as well?

Bettina Stevens: Oh, definitely. You know, it's funny, Paul and I say all the time that we felt very prepared for adoption going into it. We read all the books, we did all the training. And really, once we got into it, we realized how naive we were to actually understanding what it would look like. But also really just trusting God in a way that we hadn't before. [00:13:57]

I remember just waiting for the adoption was so hard because you get paired with these children and you're praying over them and you're looking at their pictures and you're just imagining what life with them will look like and never really knowing when you'll get to meet them.

So much of that is out of your control and in the control of the United States government, but also whatever country you may potentially be adopting from if you're doing an international adoption. So for me, I remember just reading the Psalms over and over and over again in the waiting and just really asking God to bring me that comfort, and that that dichotomy of lament and praise in the Psalms that David does so clearly, I just remember reading them over and over and over again during the year and a half we waited to bring our boys home for the first time.

And then so many scriptures since then, since bringing our boys home. I remember the first time I read Hagar's story and realizing it's the only time in the Bible that God is called El Roi, the God who sees. [00:15:00] And I remember being so encouraged by that of just He is seeing everything and knowing everything, even in the midst of so much despair or heartbreak or difficulty. And that is something I've held on to for a really long time.

Laura Dugger: And now this just makes me want to hear even more of your own adoption story with your children. So can you give us some more details about how long you and Paul were married before you got to bring home your first children and catch us up on growing your family to this point?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah. So Paul and I were married in 2009 and we didn't bring our boys home until 2015. So leading up to that point, we really were set on just having a good five or six years just being married and getting to know each other as husband and wife and really just solidifying our relationship in a more tangible way that really felt like we were connected and kind of ready to bring children into the world and parents. [00:16:03]

We really thought we would have two biological children first, mainly just because that's what you do once you're married, and then we would adopt later. So that was something that was always kind of part of our planning and thought process.

But we had a really beautiful time in Uganda when we went on our first mission trip there. We worked at a school and just went with a small team to just kind of bring resources. And we did vacation Bible school and a bunch of other things.

And we were just totally rocked by this trip. It was just the most tangible encounter with God that both of us had ever had and just such a beautiful, confirming feeling of kind of all these things that we felt like we were desiring in terms of our family.

We both had this experience. We come home, and I just remember the first week home, we both kind of looked at each other and said, like, "I feel like we're supposed to adopt now." And we are both on the same page, 100 percent. [00:17:04] And just a really confirming feeling.

So then from there, we both really felt led to adopt in Uganda, obviously having this beautiful experience. But we had really been connected with this school since 2011. And so just really feeling like we love the people of Uganda, we love the country of Uganda. You know, we've had such beautiful times there with Jesus and we really felt led to that.

So we started the adoption process in July of 2014 and we traveled to Uganda in August of 2015. But we actually didn't bring our boys home until November of 2015. So Paul and I lived in Uganda for almost four months to complete the adoption process there before we could bring them home.

Laura Dugger: And then the Lord continued growing your family even after getting to have your two boys come home with you. Is that right?

Bettina Stevens: Correct. Yeah. So after our boys had been home about a year, Paul and I just really felt like we were supposed to continue growing our family. [00:18:05] We saw a picture of this little girl on a waiting child list from China. I just remember looking at the picture and I said to Paul, "This is our daughter. I know that this feels so soon. We just brought the boys home. We're still adjusting to being a family of four, but I really feel like she's our daughter." Paul was like, "Okay, I'm in. Let's go figure this out together."

It was just the most peaceful process from the start, because we really just asked God very boldly if she's supposed to be our daughter, let someone donate all the money for her application, and then that would happen.

Or I would say, Lord, if she's supposed to be our daughter, we're supposed to bring her home into our family, let all of these doctors that I called that I'm waiting to call me back, let them call me back. Let one call me back today before noon. [00:19:05] And then like all six called me back that morning.

It was just the whole process was that way with her of just this total and complete peace and just God really reaffirming that decision time and time again, even when the majority of our friends and family thought we were kind of crazy for pursuing another adoption.

Specifically, her file was very much special needs in terms of her cognitive abilities and what that would look like. We really didn't know the severity of her needs. So we were kind of taking a leap of faith in what her file said compared to what we felt like God was asking us to do.

Laura Dugger: But it seems so evident that God was very eager to confirm that decision and just to be gracious to you and let you know this is your daughter indeed.

Bettina Stevens: Absolutely. Yes. After bringing her home, I've never been more sure of anything. She is just such a joy and has brought so much love and peace and just healing to our family in so many ways. [00:20:08] So it's only been confirmed over and over again since we brought her home.

Laura Dugger: And now a brief message from our sponsor.

Sponsor: Ladies, it's easy over time to start looking a little frumpy in what we sleep because it's comfy. But what if I told you that you could look cute for your hubby and be super comfy for yourself?

Slumber Sleepwear is your answer. It allows you to fight the frump and look great late. And guys, this makes an amazing gift for the lady you love, whether it's her birthday or your anniversary or you're celebrating Christmas. Slumber Sleepwear is a treat for you and for her.

These are truly my favorite pair of sleepwear, and I love how this set holds up after many washes. And the fabric feels like butter. It is so smooth. Slumber Sleepwear invites you to experience what true rest feels like. [00:21:07]

What you wear to bed and how you feel in your pajamas is a critical part of your evening wellness routine. So slip into Slumber's repose collection and immediately feel luxurious in the cooling comfort of a breathable fabric made in the USA.

I think it's also awesome that Slumber Sleepwear is owned and designed by women for women to fit gently in all the right places so that you can see for yourself what it feels like to rest in your best, sleep well, live brilliantly. Slumber Sleepwear is available online at SlumberSleepwear.com.

Laura Dugger: And you mentioned that there were some special needs. Do you want to share anything about your children and what's unique to them?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah. So with any adoption, there is a lot of trauma that comes with that. So all of these kiddos have had such a difficult upbringing, depending on how many years they've been in an institution or what experiences they've had, even pre-institution. [00:22:17] And so that was something that we felt like we had prepared for, but was much more severe when we adopted our children than what we anticipated.

Even with our boys, we had checked that we wanted no intellectual disabilities. We were not even actually approved for a special needs adoption at the time and we were told we were adopting two 4-year-old boys who were, quote-unquote, healthy. And in the adoption world, you take that as a grain of salt because you don't actually know what that all looks like or how that has played out in their lives.

But when we flew to Uganda, we realized very quickly that our oldest son had pretty significant needs. So at four, he was nonverbal and we weren't sure if it was autism or something more of a genetic disorder or what was going on. It really wasn't until we brought him home that we kind of got all that confirmed.

But he does have fairly significant autism and severe PTSD. In addition to ADHD, he has an autoimmune disorder called PANS, and he also has sensory processing disorder. [00:23:29] So quite a handful of needs that we were definitely not prepared for.

Really, we laughed because we checked all those boxes of no and that's exactly what we got in our son. And so we just felt like, "Okay, God, you're asking us to do this. We checked all those no boxes, but apparently you had different plans." So it has really been a leap of faith for us to just trust God in that process because we felt totally unequipped and unprepared.

Then our other son is more neurotypical, but still has quite a bit of sensory needs and trauma needs. He has also fairly significant ADHD. And so that plays out very differently than our son with autism. But both, you know, very high needs in general.

Then our daughter has two very rare medical syndromes. So she has Sturge-Weber syndrome and then PPV, which stands for Phakomatosis Pigmentovascularis, which is highly rare. [00:24:34] There's only 500 documented cases internationally ever.

Her diagnoses were territory that even the most specialized physicians were still really unsure of. And so we had a range of ideas after we talked to the doctor of her cognitive ability and what that would look like. And it was extreme. It was all the way to she could be fairly normal, all the way to she could have daily seizures and we may have to remove half of her brain. It was just this huge spectrum of medical needs that they were like, You're just going to have to wait and see.

And I just remember at that moment, Paul and I looking at each other and we both just said, like, "She's already our daughter. And if God has confirmed it, He will make a way." And we really just felt peace even in the midst of that diagnosis.

And then, you know, it's so funny, we always say we tried to adopt another child with special needs and it didn't happen because she got home and she is brilliantly smart and no cognitive disability at all. [00:25:43] She's speaking, talking, walking, running, jumping. She's such a joy to have in our lives.

And while she does have some medical diagnoses that we regularly have to get treated, cognitively, she's perfectly intact and no seizures to date or anything like that. So we've really been blessed by God's just fruition in her life.

Laura Dugger: Just hearing everything that maybe was shocking at first to get different diagnoses, how has this adoption journey impacted your marriage?

Bettina Stevens: Paul and I laugh because pre-adoption, we always said, "Oh, we're going to be really flexible parents, you know, the ones that let the kids nap in the car. When we go on vacation, they can sleep on the beach and just we're going to travel with them." And we laugh now because our son's needs, my son with autism, he has to have such a structured and routine day. [00:26:48] And so, you know, we laugh that it's been very opposite of what we intended our parenting to look like.

But in terms of our marriage, it's really come down to a lot less quality time, a lot more stress and a lot of sacrificing kind of our wants and desires and even friendships to parent our children well. We really just didn't expect the amount of trauma our children would come home with. And really, it has been a constant battle for Paul and I to stay connected and motivated to care for each other after all the care we give to our children in the day.

So, yeah, it's been something that we have to be incredibly intentional about in order to keep our marriage healthy.

Laura Dugger: I appreciate that real response, because how do you even find the capacity to be intentional? And then what do you and Paul do to stay connected?

Bettina Stevens: So lots of conversation. I will say Paul and I had a long-distance relationship for about four years before we were married as we navigated college. [00:27:55] And as hard as that was, I realized what a blessing it was for us to have to communicate everything we needed over the phone because we couldn't be physically present with each other.

There's so much body language that you get from just seeing somebody with your eyes, and we were not able to do that. So much communication had to happen over the phone. And that has been such a blessing for a foundation for our marriage, because now I feel like we can actually converse really well.

We do daily, weekly check-ins around our days, logistics, schedules, emotions, routines, like we're very structured in terms of setting aside time to just check in with each other. Then there's a ton of vulnerability and just willingness to share the dark moments no matter where we are.

So we never sugarcoat things with each other. We never try to just feel optimistic because we should be optimistic. We're really honest, even if it's really difficult to hear. [00:28:52] And I think that that has been just definitely a root for the foundation of our healthy marriage.

The other thing that we do is a lot of tag teaming and gap parenting is what we call it. We kind of say together we need to be 100% for our kids, but there's days where maybe I'm 25% and so I need him to be the 75% and vice versa. So we communicate that a lot of like, "Hey, I woke up at 50% today and I'm not sure I'm going to make it to 100%.

So really just being willing to pick up the slack for one another in really intentional ways. And then, oh, my gosh, so much grace for each other. We are very intentional about praying together and just spending time together with Christ.

Laura Dugger: Just hearing that level of teamwork, I'm sure it's something that many marriages have never experienced before. So it's beautiful to hear how you both can help fill in with each other and encourage each other. I'd also just love for you to educate us with some of the struggles that are specific to families raising children with special needs or trauma in their backgrounds. [00:30:01]

Bettina Stevens: Yeah, so adoption is unique in the fact that I tell people all the time the foundation of adoption is loss and grief and abandonment. And those three things are ingrained in our children's cellular memory before they even come home to us. So even if you adopt a child at birth, they know if they've had a connection with their birth mom or not, or they know the trauma that has happened to their birth mom in utero. And that doesn't just go away because now that they have a family.

That was something that I'm not sure I quite understood until we had our children in front of us and just saw the amount of turmoil they were in in trying to understand who we were, understand what a family even was, and then how to really let some of their walls down to be able to trust us.

Unlike a biological child where most of the time they're feeling the love from their mom, from the dad, from siblings, from extended family, from a child who knows they're wanted from the beginning, that is very much lost in adoption. [00:31:09]

Then on top of that, a lot of these children do have special needs due to potentially harmful things that happened in utero or just a lack of development, depending on what country they're from or where they were birthed. So all of those things you don't really know until the child is in front of you. And I always say it's like a thousand-piece puzzle you only have 250 pieces to, and you're just trying to fill in the gaps as you go.

But for us in particular, with our son with PTSD, he is very terrified of a lot of things and has very specific triggers. So community access is so difficult for us. Even going to church is very difficult for us. You know, he can't attend a regular camp and we don't do playdates. Even going to a public park or something like that is very challenging in terms of him feeling safe and knowing that something is not going to hurt him. [00:32:08]

And so it's really just taken consistent love and grace and understanding and empathy and really just showing up for them over and over and over again before they even begin to let their walls down.

So many of these kids, they've been forced to be survivors. Chronologically, they're 10 potentially, but emotionally and developmentally, typically they're about half their age, so 5. But they have the street smarts of a 35-year-old because they've learned how to cope and how to make sure that their needs are met, however that needs to happen.

Once they're brought into a family, all of those behaviors are ingrained in them and it takes such a long time and really so much intentionality for them to even let you take care of them.

And so, yeah, that was something that we just never quite realized in terms of trauma and how that would play out in our home and just all the behaviors that would come from that.

You really, as a parent, you have to push past the behavior to realize that these kids are simply trying to communicate something to you. [00:33:14] For us, we've dealt with physical aggression and verbal aggression, lots and lots of really mean things said to us. Then our other son he dissociates. So they talk about fight, flight, or freeze, and we have one of each in our home, which makes me laugh. But you have to parent them drastically differently as a result because their survival instinct kicks in and what works for one doesn't work for another.

So I have one son who fights when he's angry or scared. I have another son who freezes when he's angry or scared. And then my daughter runs. She's our flight. She's nervous, scared whenever she is running away from us, from somebody as fast as possible, trying to protect herself.

And so, you know, we thought like, oh, we'll do X, Y and Z as parents and that will work for our children. And realizing very quickly that there's a very different concoction for each child that we have to utilize in order to meet the needs of their heart. So that was just something that was very unexpected for us and has taken just a lot of education on our part to figure that out. [00:34:26]

Laura Dugger: I'd love to hear you unpack that a little bit further. So could you give a few helpful examples of how you parent well for someone who does retreat to fight, flight, or freeze?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah, of course. So for my son who fights, typically when I see him escalating, we have to get to a safe place fairly quickly for us as parents, for his siblings, and for himself. A lot of adopted children who have physical aggression as part of their behaviors, they will often do self-harm as well in addition to harming others.

For us, that's we've created a very safe, what we call our safe room in our home. And so when we see him starting to escalate, we get to the safe room and I just stay present with him. I don't talk to him. I don't try to prompt him to do anything until he's calm. We use the zones of regulation for that. [00:35:24]

So I don't know how familiar your listeners are, but essentially it's colors where kids don't necessarily have to say I'm angry or I'm sad. They can just say what zone they're in. So the green zone is happy and calm, ready to learn. They feel safe. The yellow zone is silly, goofy, maybe a little anxious, or scared. The blue zone is sad or tired. You know, maybe just feeling lethargic for the day. And then the red zone is unsafe, angry, mad, yelling, hitting.

So a lot of times I will just note, you know, we've made a rule in our home that if either of us are in the yellow zone or red zone, we're not going to talk about it until we're both calm. A lot of that for my son with physical aggression is just being present with him in the room and letting himself cope as long as he's not self-harming to make sure that he stays safe and we stay safe.

And then once he's calm, then we debrief what happened and problem solve together how we could do that differently the next time. [00:36:26] You know, sometimes that's 20 minutes and sometimes it's three hours. And it just totally depends on the day and his ability to regulate that day. That's something that we have set in place very quickly and are able to kind of manage as he gets older and larger.

And then we do use the zones of regulation for all three, because I think that's incredibly helpful. Our other son who freezes, who dissociates, he kind of goes into his own world when he's feeling scared or anxious or upset. A lot of times for us, that's just sitting with him. He typically tries to retreat, like he'll hide it under his bed or in a different space.

We have created what we call break spaces in our home that are okay for him to sit in when he needs a break. That way we're not hiding. There's so much shame from these kids. And so that need to hide comes from that internal shame.

And so we've really tried to deconstruct that with him of there's no shame in feeling emotion. And we really are here with you no matter what you're feeling or thinking. [00:37:33]

We have kind of three or four break spaces in the house that he can go sit in that has all sorts of sensory things he can fidget with or read or play with or draw just to kind of get himself back to being present. And then again, we sit with him and talk through what happened and how we could do that differently or potentially what was a trigger for him in that moment. So very different in terms of the aggression versus the disassociation.

Then my daughter is a fighter. When she starts to get dysregulated or upset, again, we prompt her to a break space. But a lot of times we have to prompt her to her room.

And then we just sit in there with her so that she can't run away from the problem, that she can't just ignore what's happening, that again, we help her regulate and calm down and then we talk through what happened and figure out what we could do differently.

But it is just so different for each of them and how you can get to the root of their heart and their triggers is very different. [00:38:38] We just have to play that by ear a lot and lots of what we call practicing outside the moment. So for all of our kids, we practice these coping strategies when they're calm, when they're in the green zone, when we're all feeling good so that when they get to maybe the yellow or red zone, there's more muscle memory there for them to know what to do and how to do that better.

Laura Dugger: Bettina, your intentionality in parenting is just astonishing.

Have you checked out our library of articles available at TheSavvySauce.com? New posts are added multiple times a month related to parenting, intimacy and marriage, personal development, habits, and other topics connected to what we discuss here on The Savvy Sauce.

If you sign up to join our email list, you're also going to enjoy little extras delivered straight to your inbox. Our hope is to encourage you to have your own practical chats for intentional living. [00:39:34] So these freebies will include things like questions that you can ask on your next date night, safe resources to read to promote enjoyment in your intimacy and marriage, or questions to ask your kids to connect at a more relational level. We hope you check out all the available reads at TheSavvySauce.com under the articles tab.

I appreciate you had given us a few things to consider that we may not be aware of if we're not parenting a child who's had trauma in their past or has unique special needs. But then coming more to you and Paul's story, what are some of the unexpected challenges that have come from parenting?

Bettina Stevens: Honestly, I didn't quite expect the amount of loneliness and isolation that would come in parenting children from trauma and parenting children with special needs. It's just a unique balance in trying to care for your children and trying to find time to feel like yourself again. [00:40:37]

Often in the seasons that we've had pretty intense mental health crises with our children, I've often felt like their needs always trump my own needs, which isn't healthy at the time. But I feel like that's kind of what we need to do to survive.

The things that I just never expected were little to no sleep. We've had seasons where my boys haven't slept for 60 straight nights and not even a wink. So we're just up with them all day, all night managing their triggers or their emotions.

The physical aggression and verbal aggression, of course, was not something I played out in my head as a parent. And having to, you know, keep a child safe who's your baby and you care for them while also trying to protect yourself, that was something that I just never envisioned as a parent.

Then a lot of it is just that feeling hopeless in the moments of like, God, you called us here and now we're here, and what do we do with all this difficulty in front of us? [00:41:43] And really, I never questioned my faith as much as I have in the last six years since we brought our boys home of just that hopeless feeling and feeling so isolated and alone and just really craving just relationship with people and relationship with God, you know.

Then the other thing is so many friendships lost. We've realized very quickly that the mess in our home, quote-unquote, is just a lot for people to walk into. And while some people are willing to show up in very surface-level ways, the majority of people are unwilling to really come in and see what's happening in front of us.

So we have lost a lot of friendships because unfortunately we can't go to parties or we can't go to playdates or we can't have people over like we used to as much because really we have to prioritize the needs of our children and the safety of their hearts. That has come very, very slow and steady with their ability to trust us and know that we are going to keep their interests in the forefront. [00:42:44]

Then I would say the biggest thing for me is I've had so many changes to my personality, a lot from the secondary trauma and compassion fatigue that comes from being a caregiver to children from trauma and also a caregiver for children with special needs.

So compassion fatigue is that emotional and physical exhaustion that really just diminishes your ability to empathize or feel compassion for others. Often people call it the negative cost of caring that happens over time as the intensity of your need to care-give is happening without reprieve.

So I feel like from the day we met our boys, you know, we have had to really jump in head first and really empathize and understand things that we never thought we could comprehend. And that hasn't gotten easier as they've gotten older. It's just gotten more intense in different ways. [00:43:45] So that compassion fatigue.

Then the secondary trauma is something that I never quite envisioned. And that is like the sudden development of our own PTSD symptoms that happen as a result of the trauma that you walk through with a child.

For me, that's become significant sensitivity to sound. So really hard for me to be in groups of people or louder areas. Even in the day, I often wear noise-canceling headphones in the day just to kind of drown out the world a little bit.

Hypervigilance and anxiety in situations outside our home with our children. So really having to feel like I am the giver of their safety, no matter where we are and outside our home, my hypervigilance and anxiety can be even more heightened just to make sure that obviously my kids are safe, but that other people are safe as well. And so, yeah, I've become a lot more introverted. I crave quiet more than ever.

Then really just figuring out having to regulate myself very differently than I did pre-parenting. [00:44:52] And just really allowing myself to be okay with letting a lot of things go in order to feel like our family is cared for well.

Laura Dugger: Just to lean into a few of those, do you feel like you have any support in this season to help stabilize some of those isolating feelings and all that you're facing?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah, little by little. The support group that I founded and the organization that I founded has just been a wonderful just breath of fresh air for me in that regard. Because unless you're parenting children like this, a lot of people just don't understand the depth of challenge and the depth of difficulty that comes in every day.

The families that we are in community with now since founding our organization has just been such a beautiful reprieve for our hearts to just feel seen in those moments and just for them to understand the nature of what it's like to have so much trauma in your home constantly, while also feeling like there's this expectation from the outside world to be a certain type of parent. [00:46:08] That dichotomy is really challenging to balance without somebody else anchoring you to the truth. Our community has just been a really beautiful balance for us in that moment.

Laura Dugger: It is amazing to think of the power of community.

Bettina Stevens: Yes, for sure.

Laura Dugger: What about... are there counseling resources available?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I would say I tell parents in particular all the time that there's no right way to do this. Every person is so different and every child is so different.

For me, I never envisioned myself needing a therapist. I felt like I was very well-versed in my emotions and my ability to have coping strategies in place. And oh, my goodness, realizing so quickly that having somebody objective to anchor you, to give you truth when it's really difficult to see who's also not in the trenches with you is really valuable. [00:47:14]

And so I highly recommend counseling for obviously for marriages, for couples, but also just for parents individually to work through your own trauma, your own insecurities, your own difficulties so that you can actually be a better parent for your kids.

I think that's different for every person, but really important to find a therapist who can understand adoption and foster care, trauma, special needs, so that when you're sharing things about your children or you're sharing emotions about yourself in terms of a reaction to your child's behavior, that there's an empathy and an understanding there that doesn't come from every therapist who maybe doesn't have experience with those types of situations.

So very encouraging to find someone that way. But I think that has been a beautiful part of my story just in terms of really anchoring myself to truth weekly in the midst of feeling so much overwhelm at times.

Laura Dugger: I think that is so wise. It's always helpful to hear both sides. [00:48:16] So now will you share what have been some of the greatest gifts and rewards of parenting?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah, absolutely. You know, I say all the time that adoption is equal parts brokenness and beauty, and that's so true. So having so much intentionality in our parenting and having to really change the way we think about our lives.

It has just been so beautiful to see my kids begin to understand their worth, to realize that they don't need to feel shame for everything that they do or say, for them to verbalize safety in our home. And when that happens, subsequently, they're able to share their hearts.

I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Hook, but the part where he kind of grabs his face and he's like, "There you are, Peter." That's how I feel with my kids all the time of just these glimpses of the tenderness of their hearts and just the beautiful pieces and gifts and talents that God placed in them in their mother's wombs. [00:49:22] You know, that those come out little by little by little as you peel away all of these layers of the onion.

So just those pieces of them where you get to see their true personality and their true selves has just been worth just every minute of heartache for us, because I always want them to just be their best selves and whatever that looks like. And just seeing them create their own relationship with Jesus has been so beautiful. So that is for sure the icing on the cake.

On my end of things, I think challenging myself to have really hard conversations around mental health, around race, around trauma and self-care has been such a great gift for me because it's something that I never really thought about. And now I'm really having to dive deep since I have two Black children and one Chinese daughter.

That is something that I have to constantly think about and put myself into and make myself feel uncomfortable so that I can make them have more safety around their identity and who they are on the outside, just as much as who they are on the inside. [00:50:29]

I say all the time that anything we do for God will more than likely never be comfortable. And that is something that I've really embraced in the parenting of my children. But just really being able to see their little hearts shine.

Laura Dugger: That is such a mature way to live. I want to go back. You had mentioned how powerful community has been. So can you think of what you would say is the most helpful thing that your community has done to support you and Paul and your family?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah. I would say the biggest thing that we've ever wanted that we still want to date is really just having people sit with us. I think there's something so powerful about just being physically present with somebody in some of their darkest moments and not trying to fix it or not trying to problem-solve, but really just saying, "Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. And I'm here for you." That has been the most powerful times of our lives where we've really felt seen. [00:51:31]

And obviously, in terms of seasons of crisis, people bringing food or doing some tangible things are wonderful. But really the thing that we need the most as a family is people just bearing witness to what's happening, even if it feels dark and heavy.

We've lost a lot of friends because we've had to hibernate with our kids as they heal and as we really allow them to feel safety. And so I think just people being willing to enter into that with you and really just sit with you has been the most powerful thing for our lives.

Laura Dugger: I'm more hesitant to ask the flip side, but I do think it's important for us to learn. Is there anything that's been the most harmful that your community maybe unintentionally did?

Bettina Stevens: I don't know that I realized how difficult it would be for people to want to empathize with what we were going through. And really that's what it's come down to is people having kind of the same expectations of us post-kids as they did pre-kids. [00:52:38] I think that's probably been the hardest thing.

The majority of people, you know, for them, the story was in bringing our kids home. And then once we brought our kids home, it was like, Oh, well, they're home and everything should be normal. You know, they should just be able to jump in. These kids are so blessed to have a family.

And really realizing how convoluted that was, because as soon as our kids came home, it was like we started over again. You know, that was when the real work started. And that's when we really had to change kind of everything we did in terms of our lives previously to acclimate that child to our family, but also attach to them and bond with them since we've missed four years of their lives.

I think that was probably the most hurtful thing was just people really ostracizing us often for not being able to show up to a party or or come over for dinner or just little things that I took so for granted before bringing our kids home that are just really challenging now as a family. [00:53:45]

I think a lot of that judgment and almost a little bit of condemnation came from people just being unwilling to understand our circumstances and why we couldn't do those things anymore, versus really trying to see what was happening inside the walls of our home and sitting with us in those moments. I think that has been the hardest part.

We really have lost a lot of friends in the process of this, just people who are, you know, not willing to sit in the mess. That was really hard to swallow but also, I think just really confirming for us of who are those people who are willing to see us like Jesus sees us.

Laura Dugger: Well, first, I'm so sorry just to hear the depths of the friendships being lost and people not being able to sit and be present what you feel like your soul is longing for, crying out for. I just think here you and Paul are doing what you know you were called to do and yet it came with all of this sacrifice. [00:54:50]

I'm sure you would have loved to attend those dinner parties. So it was such a selfless act. And so then to heap condemnation on top of that, that's just hard.

Bettina Stevens: Yeah, it was for sure. And something that we still work through regularly and are much more cautious of who we bring in to get to know our family, because it's heartbreaking for our kids, too, you know.

So, yeah, it's been a struggle. But also, like you said, we know that this is what we've been called to do and we know that this is what God created us for. So I think we've really had to rest in Him during those moments, for sure.

Laura Dugger: Well, if you did have to narrow it down to a few of the most powerful lessons God's taught you through your parenting journey, what would you share?

Bettina Stevens: He's always with us. Even when we feel he's the farthest away, He's right there with us. I think that was something that in the beginning was so difficult for me to see. [00:55:52] Then really realizing, like, we are the closest to the river when we're in the valley. It became more of a lament for me and just a sacred time with Him where I realized he's not surprised by my anger and He's not surprised by my heartache.

And it's okay to not have words. There's been so many nights where I've just played worship music and just wept because I felt like I couldn't utter one more word in prayer. I just felt like I'd prayed everything, there was nothing left to pray. And just realizing, like, in those moments, He is there to comfort us and be with us.

I really had to learn to trust Him day after day, even with no evidence of hope. I think those are the lessons that I hold on to, that even when I feel isolated and lonely from relationships in my community, that He is always there and He is never leaving us.

Laura Dugger: Wow, I've never heard that imagery before. And just thinking when we're on the mountaintop, we can gain perspective and we can see the river, we can see Him at work and see a little bit more of the picture. But absolutely being in the valley and being so near to him. That's powerful. [00:57:09]

Bettina Stevens: Yeah.

Laura Dugger: Bettina, what is something that you're passionate to communicate to everyone, specifically as it relates to adoption or foster care?

Bettina Stevens: I would say I have two really big points. First, to people who may know someone who's fostering or adopting or even has children with special needs. And that would just be that families need support. So much support.

You know, we as parents spend so much time investing hope, safety, healing into our children, and really, no one is doing that for the parents. So I would say the parents need just as much care as the children they're caring for. And really they just need people to bear witness to the beauty and the brokenness, as I mentioned earlier. You know, friendships and relationships are what keep families afloat.

I really believe that while not everyone is called to foster or adopt, everyone is called to support that mission. [00:58:09] I think one way to do that is to simply show up for these families and get to know them, get to know every member of the family, get to know what their needs are, what their fears are, you know, what makes them tick and really just allow each member of the family to feel cared for and supported in those times of crisis.

I would say that's one thing. Then the other side for foster adopted special needs families, I say all the time that it's okay to ask for help. It's so needed to ask for help. And it doesn't mean you're a failure.

I think for the first few years that we had our boys, I felt like a terrible mom. I felt like I was failing at everything and that even choosing something like a medicinal intervention would be me failing as a parent. And just realizing quickly that I am not meant to be their savior. I am not meant to be their healer. I'm meant to be their mom. I think that I can love them unconditionally, but their healing and their ability to find who they are is going to come from God. [00:59:16] Letting a lot of those expectations go is so important.

And then really just asking for help, constantly asking for help for the little things, for the big things. And I say that could be help from people or it could be help from doctors. Before I really felt like putting my children on medication would be me failing because I couldn't meet their needs. And really, it's just that their brains and bodies are wired differently and maybe that's exactly what they need in order to be able to access who they are.

I just really encourage families to let those expectations go of you feeling like you need to heal every part of your kids. Really let that go and really hand it over to Jesus and then really just ask for help.

Laura Dugger: I just want to spend a few more minutes really focusing on those parents who are in the trenches right now. I think your specificity is maybe going to help stir some ideas for them as well. [01:00:16] So for you, what keeps you encouraged and renewed or ready to face each day?

Bettina Stevens: For me, that's always time with Jesus. I am not a morning person. I used to sleep in till 10, 10:30 before I had kids when I could. I just really, really crave just a slow morning. But with kiddos and even my own symptoms of secondary traumatic stress, I really needed alone time to feel like I'm ready for the day.

I get up every morning at 4:15, 4:30. I spend time with Jesus. That could be prayer. That could be worship. That could be just listening to a Dwell Bible app or something where I can just listen to the word. That could be journaling.

But really, it's just a quiet, reverent time for me to feel like I can regroup, get my head on for the day, and really just kind of give all of my insecurities, my fears, my feelings of overwhelm for the day over to Jesus. [01:01:19] So that's something I do Monday through Friday every morning just to kind of get myself ready for the day.

Exercise is huge for me. I exercise six days a week religiously. And that's something that keeps me feeling like I can function and kind of, again, feel prepared for the day.

Quality time with Paul is so, so important to me. And it doesn't come very often, but we are very intentional about that time. That's something that keeps us connected and keeps me renewed and just feeling like I can be a wife just as much as I can be a mom, which I think is few and far between for those of us who have littles at home.

Then really support groups with other families who understand. So we run a support group, but we also just spend time with other families who have other adopted children or special needs children and just really have some solidarity and just communication around the struggles, but also the beauties of that. So those are all ways I keep myself encouraged and renewed. [01:02:19]

Then truthfully, I see a therapist every week and I'm on an anti-anxiety medication, which both of which I was so reluctant to do because, again, I really felt like I was failing as a human being. I think really just that stigma around mental health was something I never really discussed growing up. And now I'm such a huge advocate for because I really do feel like for me to be my best self, I really do need a little bit more assistance right now in these times of struggle.

I think that that has been something that I've been so grateful to just feel freedom to do and not be judged or feel shamed about, but just really embrace that as part of my healing journey.

Laura Dugger: Just want to encourage you that I think it's even more courageous to not only recognize that but then to follow up and do something about it. So I admire you so much. I appreciate that answer. [01:03:17]

Just thinking of that parent now, if they're feeling desperate and they just want another handle to grab on to, I think you've given some great ideas. Dwell is amazing. Obviously, time with the Lord is just necessity. Are there any other resources or practical applications that you would encourage them to try?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah. I think some of that comes from the point that they're feeling overwhelmed. So sometimes for me, it's really just a gauge. Like I have a zero to ten gauge. I talk about this a lot in our support groups with our families. But just where are you in that realm of overwhelm or stress or compassion fatigue and knowing kind of your early warning signs of where you are in that process so that you can ask for help or take a break?

So for me, I love to cook and I love to bake, and that's something that just fills me up. And so I know when I get to the point where I'm really having trouble meal planning for the week, like that just feels so overwhelming to me, I know that I'm really not in a great space and I'm headed towards an even worse space. [01:04:27] That's like an early warning sign for me of something I know that I need to regroup on and figure out a way to do that.

For a lot of parents, I would say, really figure out where you are in that spectrum and write down your early warning signs and then write down the things that you know help. Like for me, I take a shower, a hot shower every evening after I put my kids down, because sometimes it just helps me wash the day away.

It was actually something that my son's trauma therapist recommended to me years ago, and I was like, "Oh, that sounds awful." And now it's something I do every single night. It really helps me regroup. I really do feel like it's a reset for the evening so that I can actually be present for time with my husband or present for just other things I want to get done in the evening.

So that's something that has been hugely helpful for me to just feel like I'm kind of starting fresh once the kids are in bed and can just regroup for myself. [01:05:26]

Then, you know, a few other things that come with that are just little pieces of the day. Like for me, I love lighting candles in the evening or in the morning. That could be taking breaks in the day. I regularly set breaks in the day for the kids and for myself so that I can just come in my room and regroup for a few minutes so that I can stay recharged and refreshed.

But I think if you as a parent are feeling overwhelmed in your confidence or ability to parent your children, there's so many books and resources. You know, the Karen Purvis Institute is huge. The Connected Child, The Connected Parent, just other really beautiful resources that you can go to to figure out ways to better understand the needs of your children and really feel like you can be confident in parenting them moving forward.

Laura Dugger: Thank you for giving such practical applications. And now, will you just tell us a little bit more about your nonprofit and direct us where we can find you online? [01:06:25]

Bettina Stevens: Yeah, of course. In 2018, we launched Reclaimed Hope Initiative, and the name came just from, as I mentioned before, just walking with so many families who just kept saying, "I feel so hopeless. I feel so hopeless. I feel so hopeless." And we have been there as well and just really feeling that lack of hope in our parenting journey.

So we decided, like, how can we help people reclaim their hope? And so we launched Reclaimed Hope Initiative really as just a support group for families. We started with about six and in nine months, we had more than quadrupled in size. And families just kept bringing more families.

Since then, we've launched all sorts of programming. But essentially we walk families through IEPs, navigation for schools, specifically for trauma-competent care in schools, and how to really advocate for your child's needs. We help families navigate Medicaid waivers. So if you have a child with special needs, how to get your child on the waiver, how to fill out the paperwork. [01:07:27]

We do meal deliveries, therapeutic counseling for parents. We do a trauma camp for children called Camp Hope. So any youth with a traumatic past who can't access a regular summer camp is able to come to our camp with some trauma-competent caregivers in place and just the ability for them to feel like they can be a kid.

We also do respite care and then we train and hire caregivers to pair with families who are able to manage a range of trauma needs all the way to special needs. And it's just been something that was very unexpected. I say all the time I very selfishly started our support groups because Paul and I needed support. And it has just been a beautiful fruition of God's calling of our adoption, of our ability to parent.

Paul and I are also licensed foster parents. And so just the foster care journey and just supporting families through those periods of time, it has been so beautiful and something that I'm now doing full-time in addition to caring for my kids. [01:08:29] So I'm just so grateful that a) God planted the seed so long ago, but b) that He's really given me the capacity to care for others like I needed to be cared for in those moments of darkness.

Laura Dugger: This nonprofit just sounds absolutely amazing, and I think it's a great first place for people to go and learn a little bit more, see if it can be helpful for their journey. Could you give us the website one more time and we'll link to it in the show notes?

Bettina Stevens: Yeah, of course. It's just reclaimedhopeinitiative.org. Then you can also find us on Instagram or Facebook at Reclaimed Hope Initiative.

Laura Dugger: Wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. You know that we're called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so as my final question for you today, Bettina, what is your savvy sauce?

Bettina Stevens: I would say for me it's to never stop being intentional about your dreams. [01:09:29] I think that there is such a beauty around the gifts and talents that God gave us in our mother's womb as you were a little, as you got older. And I know for me, the weekends that I can get away either by myself or with Paul and just spend time dreaming about the gifts God has given me and how I want to utilize them or for our organization or for my family, those are the times that I feel most like myself, that I feel the most refreshed, that I feel so close to God.

I think even in really difficult seasons, it's so important to never stop dreaming. So I would say be intentional about your dreams, set aside time and really just trust that God has a beautiful story that he's writing even in the midst of hardship.

Laura Dugger: Your faithful obedience to God just radiates from you and you worship Him by the way you live your life. So thank you for letting us in on your journey today and thank you for being my guest. [01:10:31]

Bettina Stevens: Yeah. Thank you for having me, Laura. I appreciate it.

Laura Dugger: One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves.

This means there is absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a Savior.

But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news.

Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. [01:11:33] This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us.

Romans 10.9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.

So would you pray with me now? Heavenly Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him. You get the opportunity to live your life for Him. [01:12:33] And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you ready to get started?

First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes & Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible, and I love it. You can start by reading the Book of John.

Also, get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps, such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.

We want to celebrate with you too, so feel free to leave a comment for us here if you did make a decision to follow Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.

Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." [01:13:38] The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.

If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

Monday Sep 16, 2024

240 Stories Series: God's Rescue and Covering in Parenting with Brenda Dugger

Monday Sep 16, 2024

240. Stories Series: God's Protection and Covering in Parenting with Brenda Dugger

**Transcription Below**

Psalms 34:7 (NIV) "The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them."

Questions and Topics We Cover:

What was life like, growing up as an identical twin?
Will you share how He miraculously protected your sons multiple times?
Do you have any favorite stories that come to mind about Mark?

Brenda Dugger is a retired chief nursing executive and hospital administrator. She is married to Russ and they are the parents of three grown, married sons. They are also grandparents to 11 grandchildren.

Previous Episodes on The Savvy Sauce with Mark Dugger:

The Inside Scoop on Chick-fil-A with Mark Dugger

Thank You to Our Sponsor: Thank You to Our Sponsor: Dream Seller Travel, Megan Rokey

Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website