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Tuesday Feb 11, 2020
Tuesday Feb 11, 2020
*DISCLAIMER* This message is not intended for little ears.
89. Passion Pursuit with Clinical Psychologist, Author, and Speaker, Dr. Juli Slattery
Proverbs 5:19b (NIV) “may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”
Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker and the president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy. Juli earned her college degree at Wheaton College, an MA in psychology from Biola University, an MS and a Doctorate degree in Clinical Psychology from Florida Institute of Technology.
From 2008-2012, Dr. Slattery served at Focus on the Family writing, teaching, and co-hosting the Focus on the Family Broadcast. In 2012, she left Focus on the Family to start Authentic Intimacy, a ministry devoted to reclaiming God’s design for sexuality.
Juli is the author of ten books and host of the weekly podcast “Java with Juli.” Juli and her husband Mike are the parents of 3 sons; they live in Akron, Ohio.
“I love my job at Authentic Intimacy because it is God’s call on my life for this season. Everywhere I look, I see lives ruined by unfulfilled promises of love and sexual brokenness. God is able to redeem our pain and restore us to wholeness when we seek His truth and healing. It all begins with authentically knowing and trusting God. Through this ministry, God is redeeming women’s lives and marriages with His truth. What could be more exciting than that?” - Juli
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Dr. Juli Slattery’s Website, Authentic Intimacy
Books by Dr. Juli Slattery:
25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Equip for Health
Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Tuesday Feb 04, 2020
Tuesday Feb 04, 2020
88. Applying Business Strategies to Your Home Management with Susan Seay
Luke 2:52 (NIV) “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men."
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Connect with Susan Seay on socials: @susanlseay
Harvard Business Review Recommended Reading Lists
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management
Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Tuesday Jan 28, 2020
Tuesday Jan 28, 2020
87. Visionary Parenting and Grand-Parenting with Dr. Rob Rienow
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (NIV) “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
Dr. Rob Rienow married Amy in 1994 and they have been blessed with 7 children. His most important ministry is loving his wife and leading his children to know God and love Him. Rob’s mom came to Christ shortly after he was born so he was blessed to be introduced to Jesus at an early age. His parents divorced when he was in high school and God used that painful time in his life to give him a heart for young people and families going through dark times. He attended Wheaton College, then completed an MA in theology at Wheaton College Graduate School, an MDiv from Trinity International Divinity School, and a Doctor of Ministry in Christian Leadership from Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary.
Rob’s life dramatically changed in 2004. God brought him to a place of deep repentance over the fact that he was disciplining other people’s children, but not his own. He was a spiritual leader at church, but passive with his family. Through that time of repentance, God turned his heart to the ministry of his children and his wife. God then led He and Amy to launch Visionary Family Ministries, a ministry designed to inspire parents and grandparents to disciple their children, to help couples create mission driven-marriages, and equip churches to build Bible-driven ministries. Their mission is to build the church through a global reformation of family discipleship.
He shares the biblical message of family discipleship at national and international conferences for parents, couples, and church leaders. He partners and consults with numerous churches, encouraging them to accelerate evangelism and discipleship through families.
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
A Sample of Books by Dr. Rob Rienow
God’s Grand Vision for the Home
Bible Studies with Dr. Rob Rienow
Not So Perfect Mom by Amy Rienow
The Heart of Your Teen by Lissy Rienow
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Peoria Christian School
Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Tuesday Jan 21, 2020
Tuesday Jan 21, 2020
86. Four Personality Types with Dale Wilsher
“But earnestly desire and strive for the greater gifts [if acquiring them is going to be your goal]. And yet I will show you a still more excellent way [one of the choicest graces and the highest of them all: unselfish love].”
1 Corinthians 12:31 (Amp)
Dale Wilsher is a professional life and strength coach, a DISC personality trainer, and the author of What’s Your Mom Type? Discovering God’s Design for You. She’s the parent of four daughters, ranging in age from 16-23, and newly married to her husband, Jeff. You can find her at www.DaleWilsher.com , www.YourAuthenticPersonality.com , and www.DaleWilsherConsulting.com
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
What’s Your Mom Type? by Dale Wilsher
Previous Podcast Episodes with Jeff Henderson:
How 2 Questions Can Grow Your Business and Change Your Life with Author, Pastor, and Podcaster, Jeff Henderson
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Sam Leman Eureka
Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Tuesday Jan 14, 2020
Tuesday Jan 14, 2020
85. Five Love Languages with Dr. Gary Chapman
**Transcription Below**
1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV) “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Gary Chapman, Ph.D.—author, speaker, pastor, and counselor—has a passion for people, and for helping them form lasting relationships. Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor and director of marriage seminars. The 5 Love Languages® is one of Chapman’s most popular titles, topping various bestseller charts for years, selling over twelve million copies and has been on the the NewYork Times best-sellers list continuously since 2007. Chapman has been directly involved in real-life family counseling since the beginning of his ministry years, and his nationally-syndicated radio programs air nationally on Moody Radio Network and over 400 affiliate stations.
For more information visit www.5lovelanguages.com
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages Website
The 5 Love Languages of Children
Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
**Transcription**
[00:00:00] <music>
Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.
[00:00:17] <music>
Laura Dugger: Leman Property Management Company has the apartment you will be able to call home with over 1,600 apartment units available in Central Illinois. Visit them today at MidwestShelters.com or visit them on Facebook.
Well, this is an extra special episode because I've hoped for an opportunity to chat with this guest for decades now. Dr. Gary Chapman is the New York Times bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages, in addition to so many other wonderful books.
Today we're going to discuss what a marriage can look like for couples who actually speak each other's primary love language and how we can do that.
Here's our chat.
Welcome to the Savvy Sauce, Dr. Chapman.
Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, it's great to be with you.
Laura Dugger: Your work has impacted millions of people, and I would love to just start by having you take us back to where this idea originated for the 5 love languages. [00:01:23] So will you just share that journey with us?
Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, that goes way back. I remember, I don't know how many years ago it was, but pretty early in my counseling, a couple came in and she said, "I just feel like he doesn't love me." And he said, "I don't understand that. I do everything I can to show her that I love her. I don't understand why she wouldn't feel loved."
So after that, I heard similar stories over and over again, where one of them didn't feel love and the other thought, Well, I'm loving you. Why wouldn't you feel loved? It was 12 years I heard these kind of stories and I knew there was a pattern to it but I didn't know what it was.
Eventually, I took time to sit down and read several years of notes that I made when I was counseling people and asked myself the question: when someone sat in my office and said, I feel like my spouse doesn't love me, what did they want? [00:02:24] What were they complaining about? And their answers fell into five categories, and I later called them the 5 love languages.
So I started using that concept in marriage counseling that if you want her to feel love, you've got to speak love in her love language. And if you want him to feel love, you've got to speak love in his love language. So I would help them discover their language and then challenge them to go home and try it. And sometimes, Laura, they would come back in three weeks and say, Gary, this is changing everything. The whole climate's different.
Then I started using the same concept in small groups of couples and the same thing would happen. And probably five years later, I thought, you know, if I could put this concept in a book, and write it in the language of the common person so people could understand it, maybe I could help a lot of couples I would never have time to see in my office.
Of course, little did I know the book would sell now over 13 million copies in English and be translated in over 50 languages around the world. So that's where it came from, out of my counseling over a number of years. [00:03:27]
Laura Dugger: That's incredible. And yeah, I believe the book came out in 1992 and last I checked, it is still on the New York Times bestselling list.
Dr. Gary Chapman: Yes, it has been for a number of years now. You're right.
Laura Dugger: Taking it back even further, is it right that you studied anthropological studies?
Dr. Gary Chapman: I did. I did an undergrad and a master's degree in anthropology, the study of cultures. That really surprised me when other cultures wanted to translate this because I was very sensitive to cultural differences. I think the Spanish was the first ones. And I said to my publisher, I said, "I don't know, does this work in Spanish?" And they say, "Well, they've read it and they want to publish it." So we gave them the rights. Last I heard, they'd sold over three million copies in Spanish.
Laura Dugger: One of the many things I appreciate about your book is that it is full of God's timeless truth. Whether this is a new concept or someone just needs a reminder, what are the five love languages and how can we identify which is our main one? [00:04:32]
Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, let me just go through them quickly. Number one is, in no particular order, but number one is words of affirmation — using words to affirm the other person. You look nice in that outfit. I appreciate what you did. There's an ancient Hebrew proverb that says life and death is in the power of the tongue. So words of affirmation bring life to people.
Another love language is gifts. It's universal to give gifts as an expression of love. My anthropology studies have found that we've never discovered a culture anywhere in the world where gift-giving is not an expression of love. It's universal to give gifts.
Then there's quality time — giving the person your undivided attention. I do not mean husband and wife sitting on the couch watching television. Someone else has your attention. I'm talking about sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other, talking to each other, or taking a walk down the road and talking to each other. [00:05:30]
Then there's acts of service —doing something for the other person that you know they would like for you to do. In a marriage, that would be such things as cooking meals, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, washing cars, mowing grass, walking the dog, changing the baby's diaper, anything that you know the other person would like for you to do. You remember the old saying, Actions speak louder than words. It's true for these people. If this is your love language, actions will speak louder than words.
Then number five is physical touch. We've long known the emotional power of physical touch. That's why we pick up babies and hold them and kiss them and cuddle them. Long before the baby understands the meaning of the word love, the baby feels love by physical touch. So the basic idea is that out of those five, each of us has a primary love language. One of them speaks more deeply to us emotionally than the other four. And if you don't speak the person's primary language, they won't feel loved, even though you may be speaking some of the other languages. [00:06:35]
So how do you discover your primary love language? Well, you can go online and take a free quiz at 5lovelanguages.com. You answer 30 questions. It will tell you what your primary love language is, your secondary, and right down the line. So that's one option.
But here are three informal ways to discover a person's love language. First of all, observe their behavior. How do they typically respond to other people? If they're always giving people pats on the back or high-fives, physical touch is probably their language. They're touching others because they want to be touched. Or if they're always giving gifts, then that's a clue. That's probably what they want.
A second question is, what do they complain about most often? If your spouse continues to say periodically, "I just wish we had more time together," they're telling you, they're complaining that we don't have enough time. They're complaining about quality time. [00:07:31] Or if you go on a business trip and you come home and they say, "You didn't bring me anything?" they're telling you gifts is their language. So what do they complain about?
And the third question, what do they request most often? If they're saying periodically, honey, can we take a walk after dinner? They're asking you for quality time. Or if they say before you go on the business trip, be sure and bring me a surprise, they're telling you that gifts is their language. Or if they say, Honey, could you give me a back rub? They're asking you for physical touch. You put those three together and you can pretty well figure out a person's primary love language and your own love language by asking those same three questions about yourself.
Laura Dugger: You teach this with such clarity. But I know I've met people who have asked what their love language is. So how do you answer people who can't identify their main language, especially if they think that they're all of them? [00:08:29]
Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, first of all, I ask them, have you taken the quiz? Sometimes they have, sometimes they haven't. And I say it's free, okay? 5lovelanguages.com, go take the quiz. But if they take the quiz and say they all came out even, there's two kinds of people that have difficulty discovering their primary love language and all of them are just about even to them.
One is the individual who grew up in a home where they always felt loved. From childhood, they felt loved. Their parents spoke all five of these languages. And then later on, they got to be adults, they got married, and their spouse spoke all these languages. So they've just always felt loved. And they don't know which one is more important than the other, because they feel loved.
To those people, I say, don't worry about it. As long as you feel love, don't worry about it. If you ever begin to feel like, no, they don't really love me like I wish they did, now you need to discover what is it that's missing, okay? [00:09:28]
But then the other extreme is the person who never felt loved. They didn't feel love growing up. They went through a lot of emotional struggles as teenagers. As adults, they don't feel loved in any of their relationships. And they're not even quite sure what it means to feel love, because they've never felt love.
This is more difficult, of course, because it's an emotional scar coming from their past. Can they come to feel love? Yes, I think they can, if they will open their hearts. And if someone chooses to genuinely love them, even though their love might be rejected from time to time, that person can be healed from that. And especially the healing of God can bring healing to the person who's never felt love. But for most people, they can pretty well figure out what their primary language is.
Now, some people do tell me that two of those are equal for them. And my response to that is, fine, we'll give you two love languages. We'll call you bilingual, okay? [00:10:28] Either one of those is gonna speak deeply to you. So whatever your... if it's marriage, whatever your spouse does, which of those two, you're gonna feel loved.
Laura Dugger: Which might be great, because then their spouse has two different ways that they could show them their love.
Dr. Gary Chapman: That's right.
Laura Dugger: I'm curious, have people ever told you that their love language changes in different seasons, or does it stay the same throughout life, typically?
Dr. Gary Chapman: Once in a while, people do tell me that they think their love language has changed. I think that the love language tends to stay with us for a lifetime. Now, having said that, I do agree that there are certain seasons of life and maybe certain circumstances where another love language may jump to the top momentarily.
For example, a mother that has two preschool children, acts of service may not be her primary language, but during those years, it may well jump to the top because she's overwhelmed with all the work that she has to do. And so I think there may be seasons in which another love language may become more predominant. [00:11:31] But once that season is over, it'll flip back to your primary.
I think another time, if you're getting enough of your number one and number two is very close to number one, and often that's the case, you get enough of number one, you may begin to think, Oh, I don't know, I think number two has become number one. But if they stop doing number one, you'll quickly know, oh, no, no, no, no, no, that's still my primary. So I think those are occasions, and I would say this too, maybe situations.
For example, let's say your spouse gets word that some family member has died. Physical touch may not be their language, but at that point, you're holding them, and letting them cry in your arms is probably the most powerful thing you can do to communicate to them "I love you and I'm with you in this". So I think there may be situations where, you know, just momentarily a love language may change.
Laura Dugger: That's fascinating. But that also makes sense because you're not saying to only love your spouse or your children or your friends with one love language. [00:12:37] You can still do all five. There's just one that's most meaningful. Is that right?
Dr. Gary Chapman: That's right. And what I say especially to parents, because you can discover a child's love language by the time they're four years old, just observe their behavior. If my son was that age, I'd come home in the afternoon, he'd run to the door, would grab my legs and climb all over me. He's touching me because he wants to be touched.
Our daughter never did that. At that age, she would say, "Daddy, come to my room. I want to show you something." Her love language was quality time. They're grown. It's still their love language. So it develops very early and I think tends to stay with us throughout a lifetime.
But I say to parents, please don't hear me saying that you only speak the primary love language. No, you give them heavy doses of the primary. You sprinkle in the other four because we want the child to learn how to receive love and give love in all five languages. That's the healthiest adult. Most of us did not receive all five, so we have to learn some of these as adults. [00:13:39] But no, you give heavy doses of the primary, sprinkle in the others, and you get extra credit for that as an adult.
Laura Dugger: That is such wise counsel. And from your experience, Dr. Chapman, do couples often marry someone who is the same or different from them when it relates to their love languages?
Dr. Gary Chapman: Very seldom does a couple have the same love language. It can happen, but it doesn't happen very often. And even if they have the same language, they will often have different dialects within that language. For example, one wife said to me recently, she said, "My husband and I have the same love language." And I said, "Great, what is it?" She said, "The acts of service." She said, "But the things I want him to do for me that make me feel alive are different from the things he wants me to do for him to make him feel alive." Same language, just different dialects within the language. So seldom does a husband and wife have the same love language. [00:14:38]
Laura Dugger: And so can you help debunk the myth then that we're off the hook if our spouse does have a different primary love language from us? It doesn't excuse us from giving them love in that way.
Dr. Gary Chapman: You know, I think there's no question about it. If their number one is your number five, it's a learning curve, okay? Let's say their language is words of affirmation, but you never received words growing up. It's not natural for you to give words.
But here's the good news. You can learn to speak any of these languages after you get to be an adult. So I said to the man who told me, he said, "Dr. Chapman, my wife's love language is words. I never receive words. I don't know how to do it." I said, "Here's my advice. You get your little notebook, you write down statements you hear other men say to their wives or something you read in a book or a magazine. Write them down. Stand in front of the mirror, read them out loud to yourself. [00:15:41] Read them often enough that you get some of them down and then you move into the room where your wife is. Maybe she's looking in the other direction and you just say one of them and run." Okay, you broke the barrier. And it's easier the second time and the third time.
You can learn any of these languages. And if you want your spouse to feel loved, you've got to give the effort to learn to speak these languages. I had a man who said to me once, he said, "Dr. Chapman, I read your book. I took the quiz and my wife took the quiz. She tells me that her love language is act of service. But I'm just going to tell you and her, if it's going to mean my washing dishes and my vacuuming floors for her to feel loved, she can forget that." Wow.
I said to him, "That is your choice. If you want to live with a wife who feels unloved, that's your choice." I said, "I much prefer to live with a wife who feels loved." I said, "I've lived with both. Early years of my marriage, my wife didn't feel loved. Later years of my marriage, she has felt loved. Same woman, okay? Just unloved for years and then loved when I finally learned her love language." I said, "I much prefer to live with a woman who feels loved." [00:17:02]
So love is a choice. Once we have the information as to what the primary love language is, we have a choice to speak it or not to speak it. Now, Christians have outside help because the Bible says the love of God is poured in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. So if you're having a hard time learning the language of your spouse, you just open your heart to God and say, "Lord, I know you love her. I know you love him. Pour it into me. Give me the ability. Put it on the front burner of my heart and teach me how to express love to them in a meaningful way." You will learn to speak their love language.
Laura Dugger: That is great advice because He really does have the most creative ideas, if you ask God.
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Laura Dugger: Even if we are sincere in our love for our spouse, you write in your book why being sincere is just not enough. So will you give us some applicable examples for how to love someone well in each of those languages?
Dr. Gary Chapman: Most couples are sincere, and certainly in the early years of the marriage, they're sincere, and they typically are expressing love. They're just expressing it in the way that would make them feel love, and they're not connecting with each other. So that's why we have to learn a different language. We learn the one that connects with them.
Let's say words of affirmation. I just talked about that one and how you learn it. You know, just simple things. "Honey, I really appreciate dinner tonight. It was really good." Or, "Yeah, I just appreciate the fact that you keep our car clean or that you got the bugs off the windshield of the car I drive. I appreciate that." [00:20:20] It's just looking for things you can affirm about the other person.
I did have a lady who said, "Well, you know, Dr. Chairman, I'd like to give him some words of affirmation, but to be honest, I can't think of anything good to say about the man." I said, "Well, does he ever take a shower?" And she said, "Well, yes." I said, "Well, how often?" She said, "Well, every day." I said, "If I were you, I'd start there." "Honey, I appreciate you taking a shower." I mean, there are men who don't. So, words of affirmation.
And then gifts. Here's the way you learn to give meaningful gifts. You listen to your spouse when they say, you know, I'd like to have one of those someday. Or maybe you're watching television and they say, you know, I'd like to try that. Or you're flipping through a magazine and they say, you know, someday I'd like to have one of those. Make a list of all those things and then go out and buy them periodically.
Also, gifts do not have to be expensive. You can go out in the backyard and pick a flower and give it to your wife. You know, if you don't have any flowers in your backyard, check your neighbor's backyard, you know, ask them, they'll give you a flower. [00:21:25]
Or you could pick up a feather when you're walking and take it home and say to your spouse, you know, "Honey, I found this today and I wanted to give it to you because you are the wind beneath my sails. And this feather reminded me of that." Wow, didn't cost you a thing.
So a third love language, of course, is acts of service, doing things for them. Here you can just simply ask, "Honey, what could I do that would make your life easier?" And they'll tell you what you could do. If this is their love language, they will tell you what you could do. It may be taking out the trash before they ask you. It may be washing dishes. It may be vacuuming floors. It may be taking care of the baby while I take a walk. Just something that was meaningful to them. And if you ask, they'll be happy to tell you because that's their language.
And then quality time. This can be, as I said earlier, just sitting on the couch 15 minutes and talking to each other. [00:22:27] Or it could be taking a walk and talking or going out to eat, assuming that you talk. You probably have noticed in a restaurant, you can almost always tell the difference between dating couples and married couples. Dating couples look at each other and talk. Married couples often sit there and eat or pull out their phone and start texting somebody. Ah, undivided attention, quality time.
And then number five is physical touch. In a marriage, that would be such things as holding hands, kissing, embracing, the whole sexual part of marriage, arm around the shoulder, driving down the road, you put your hand on their leg. These are the kind of things that communicate love to the person for whom physical touch is their language.
Laura Dugger: I think you've given everybody a great starting point. Can you just now vision-cast what a marriage could look like for couples who willingly and consistently choose to speak their spouse's love language? [00:23:27]
Dr. Gary Chapman: You know, I think when we get married, all of us want to have a loving, supportive, caring marriage. And when you're in love, you think you're going to have that kind of marriage. Because when you're in love, they're the most wonderful person you've ever met. You know, your mother can see their flaws, but you can't see their flaws when you're in love. It's a super, super high emotion.
But it only has an average lifespan of two years. We come down off the high. And nobody told me that. My wife and I dated two years before we got married, and I could hardly wait to be as happy as I was going to be when we got married. I came down pretty soon after the honeymoon and I began to realize, "Man, there's some things... I'm not real... I don't like that about her.
And before long, within six months, I was feeling like I'd made a mistake. I mean, this is just not what I thought it was going to be. And many couples go through that because they don't know that you come down off that high. They think if you've got the real thing it's going to last forever. [00:24:31]
If you come down off the high, this is when the love language becomes extremely important. And if you choose to speak each other's love language on a regular basis, you hardly miss the high because you still feel loved. But now it's much more intentional and it takes much more effort if you have to learn a new language. But when you do, I say the emotional love tank fills up. And when your love tank is full, you genuinely feel loved by your spouse. Life is beautiful. When the love tank is empty, you feel like they don't love you. You're thinking they wish they weren't married to me. Life begins to look pretty dark.
So it's extremely important that we learn this concept of how to express love in a meaningful way to the other person so that we meet that deep need. Everyone agrees our deepest emotional need on the human level is to feel loved by the significant people in your life. [00:25:30] And if you're married, the person you would most like to love you is your spouse. So this can revolutionize the emotional climate in a home, and then everything else is much easier when you feel love.
Solving conflicts, for example, is much easier when you feel loved by your spouse. If you don't feel love, the differences look bigger and it's harder to solve them. When you feel love, you can hear each other, you can listen, you can affirm each other and you can say, "Okay, honey, I think we understand each other. We disagree on it. How can we solve the problem?" You spend your energy solving the problem rather than trying to win an argument with your spouse. So it makes a huge difference when you're speaking each other's love language.
Laura Dugger: Just to summarize, it sounds like physiologically there is something, usually I think is it between 18 and 24 months, you're talking about that high that you feel that in love experience. And when that does go away, because it will for everyone, there's an option for a more mature, deeper love. [00:26:36]
Dr. Gary Chapman: Absolutely. Because now it's intentional. You know, you didn't do anything to fall in love. It just happens. Certain people you're attracted to and you spend time with them and it just feels wonderful and the more you know them, the more you like them. But when you do come down off the high, now love becomes intentional. Love now is a choice. And then we have to learn how to express love.
This is why the Bible can command a husband to love his wife. Husbands, love your wives. It's a command. And this is why, you know, the scriptures say the older women are to teach the young women to love their husbands. What? You have to have a class in it? Yes, you do. You have to learn.
So it's much more intentional now. If you can command a man to love his wife, then he's capable of doing that. You don't choose your emotions, but you do choose your attitude and your behavior. And love is an attitude which says, "I'm here to enrich your life. How can I help you? How can I help you become the person that you believe God wants you to be?" [00:27:45]
Two people who have that attitude will find behaviors to enhance each other's lives. And that's what God intended, that we each reach out to love each other and help each other. And when that's happening, man, you find deep satisfaction in marriage. And that's what God intended.
Laura Dugger: How did you find out about The Savvy Sauce? Did someone share this podcast with you? Hopefully, you've been blessed through the content. And now we would love to invite each of you to share these episodes with friends and help us spread the word about The Savvy Sauce. You can share today's episode or go back and choose any one of your other previous favorites to share. Thanks for helping us out!
I could just ask you questions all day about marriage, but let's just go back briefly. You talked about one other important relationship. So how can an understanding of the five love languages elevate our relationships with our children?
Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, I think it's extremely important that parents learn this concept. [00:28:44] And that's why I wrote the book, The 5 Love Languages of Children. I wrote it with Dr. Ross Campbell, who is a Christian psychiatrist. He's in heaven now, but we wrote that book together. He'd had 30 years' experience with children.
I say to parents, the question is not, do you love your children? Most parents love their children. The question is, do your children feel loved? And I can tell you, though most parents love their children, there are children that don't feel loved.
I remember the young man sitting in my office. He was 13. He had run away from home. He said to me, "My parents don't love me. They love my brother. They don't love me." I knew his parents. I knew they loved him. But you see, he didn't feel loved. They had never learned to speak his love language. So consequently, he grew up, in their minds, they loved him. In his mind, they didn't love him.
So it's extremely important to learn a child's primary love language. As I said earlier, you can learn that by the time they're four years old. [00:29:45] And then you give heavy doses of the primary, sprinkle in the other four, and that child feels loved, they grow up emotionally healthy. But if they don't feel loved in the teenage years, they will go looking for love, typically in all the wrong places.
So, it really enhances not only the relationship between the parent and the child, it enhances the child's emotional health when the parent learns how to express love to the child in their love language.
Laura Dugger: That's so encouraging and something we can apply today. I'm so grateful that you have so many books available that people can follow up with and learn more about these topics. But also, where can listeners find you online?
Dr. Gary Chapman: You know, if they go, Laura, to 5lovelanguages.com, the number five, 5lovelanguages.com, they will get a little blurb on all of my books. And we have books on many, many different topics. And they will be able to download a radio program that I do every week called Building Relationships. [00:30:51] They can find out where I'm going to be doing marriage conferences around the country. So 5lovelanguages.com, you can learn maybe more than you want to know about me, but hopefully find a lot of practical help.
And as I mentioned earlier, there's a free online profile, it's a quiz that you take that's free, that will tell you your primary love language, your secondary love language. There's one for couples, married couples. There's one for single adults. There's one for teenagers and one for children. And there's a special one for military couples, helping them discover their love language. So all of that is at 5lovelanguages.com.
Laura Dugger: That's so helpful. We will certainly link to that in our show notes and also put the access to that on our resources page. One final question for you today, Dr. Chapman. We are called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge or discernment. And so we would love to hear, what is your savvy sauce? [00:31:52]
Dr. Gary Chapman: You know, if I had to pick one, I would say a daily sharing time with my wife, a sit-down time, just like I have a daily time with God in which I sit down and read the scripture and tell God I'm listening and I want to know what he wants to say to me and I talk back to God and we have a conversation. I have a daily sit-down time with my wife.
I say to couples in my seminars, here's the daily minimum. You share with each other three things that happen in your life today and how you feel about them. They don't have to be super things, just three things that happened today and how you feel about them.
My wife and I sit down every day and share at least three things. Usually, we share a lot more than three things, but that's the minimum. And even when I'm gone on the road, and speaking in other places, I'll call her and we'll talk to each other and catch up on what happened today and how you're feeling about the whole thing. It just keeps you connected emotionally, just like the time with God daily keeps you connected with God. [00:32:58] The daily sharing time with the spouse, it's just been super, super meaningful for us through the years.
Laura Dugger: I love that savvy sauce. I actually have one last question. What is your love language?
Dr. Gary Chapman: Mine is words of affirmation and my wife is acts of service. That's why before I leave the house every morning, I take the trash out and unload the dishwasher, all while she's still in bed. And I know when she goes in there, she's going to look at that trash can and say, Man, what a wonderful guy. And she gives me words of affirmation. I wish that I learned all that early in my marriage. That's why I try to help other couples to learn it early so you don't have to go through some years like we did in the early years when you're just having a hard time getting it together.
Laura Dugger: Dr. Chapman, I've admired your work and your attitude for decades now. You're such a humble man, and I'm so very grateful for this time together. So thank you for being my guest. [00:34:01]
Dr. Gary Chapman: Well, thank you, Laura. It was good to be with you, and you keep up the good work of encouraging people.
Laura Dugger: Thank you so much.
One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners and God is perfect and holy, so He cannot be in the presence of sin. Therefore, we're separated from Him.
This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute.
This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. [00:35:07] This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus.
We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
So would you pray with me now? Heavenly, Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change their lives now for eternity. In Jesus name, we pray, amen.
If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him, you get the opportunity to live your life for Him. [00:36:06]
At this podcast, we are called Savvy for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you're ready to get started?
First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision my parents took me to Barnes and Noble to get the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. Start by reading the book of John.
Get connected locally, which basically means just tell someone who is part of the church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.
We want to celebrate with you too. So feel free to leave a comment for us if you made a decision for Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.
Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." [00:37:09] The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.
If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.
Monday Jan 06, 2020
Monday Jan 06, 2020
84. Ordering Your Priorities with Kat Lee
**Transcription Below**
“Now you [collectively] are Christ’s body, and individually [you are] members of it [each with his own special purpose and function].”
1 CORINTHIANS 12:27 AMP
Kat Lee is passionate about teaching others how to jump-start each day with a grace-filled, life-giving morning routine. She is the author of the Hello Mornings book (published by Thomas Nelson), a speaker, podcaster, and the founder of HelloMornings.org. She and her husband, Jimmy, live in Waco, Texas, with their three children.
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Kat Lee’s Website: Hello Mornings
Books by Laura Vanderkam:
What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast
What the Most Successful People Do on the Weekend
What the Most Successful People Do at Work
168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Jane
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Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
**Transcription**
[00:00:01] <music>
Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.
[00:00:17] <music>
Laura Dugger: Thank you to our sponsor, Jane, for making this episode possible. Make sure you visit jane.com/SavvySauce and save up to 65% on women's fashion, home decor, and more fun finds.
I want to share a quick announcement with you. Beginning next week, we plan to release all of our episodes on Tuesdays rather than Mondays.
Kat Lee was a popular guest our first time around, so we've invited her back today to speak on God's unique design for your life, how you can discover this plan, and how you can step into it with faith. Also, be prepared to learn what a schmoozle is.
Here's our chat.
Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Kat.
Kat Lee: Yay, I'm happy to be back, Laura.
Laura Dugger: Well, it's great to have you join us again. Just in case listeners missed our previous episode, will you catch us up on who you are and what you do? [00:01:21]
Kat Lee: Absolutely. My name is Kat Lee, and I'm over at hellomornings.org, where I have a podcast and a book and an online academy. I live in what is actually now the thriving metropolis of Waco, Texas. I used to say that and it was kind of a joke. Now it's for real. I'm with my husband and we've been married 21 years. Then we have three kids, 16, 14, and 12.
Laura Dugger: That's an awesome full life. You definitely have a gift for encouragement. I love how you explain in your book, Hello Mornings, about this term called a "schmoozle." So, can you tell listeners what this word means and why it's so fascinating?
Kat Lee: Absolutely. It comes from my lack of mathematics knowledge. I actually was in a book club with some friends and we did the StrengthsFinders book. I don't know if you're familiar with that. But it's like a personality... It's not really a personality assessment. It's like a strengths assessment.
So it's done by the folks at Gallup. [00:02:22] They've done literally millions of surveys around the world. And from all the information that they've gathered, they've determined that there are 34 different strengths that any one person can have.
When I did this book club, they brought in a StrengthsFinders coach, and he started sharing this statistic. And I'm normally not awed by statistics, but this one just made my brain explode. So he was telling us how, you know, out of all those different strengths, the odds of anyone... To clarify, the order of the strengths that you get from the test impact how you use them. So if like connectedness is your top one, and then, I don't remember all the different ones, but then if like detail is your next one, you're gonna behave differently than the person next to you, even if connectedness is their top one, and then detail is their bottom one, if that makes sense. So the order that they're in impacts things as well.
So he was saying how the odds of anybody having the same top five strengths as you is one in 275,000 people. [00:03:29] And living in Waco, Texas, that would mean to me that there's nobody in Waco, Texas that has the same top five strengths as I do. And I was like, Oh, that's pretty cool. That makes me feel super unique.
Then he said the odds of anybody having the same top five strengths in the same order is one in 33.4 million. So there's probably not anybody in Texas that has the same top five strengths in the same order as me. Now the odds of anybody having all the strengths in the same order as me is one in three times ten to the 38th power.
So this is where the word schmoozle comes in because I was like, "I don't even know the name for that." So I'm just calling it a schmoozle. I have since learned, I think it's something like undecillion is the name of that number. But I was just like, that is such a huge number. 1 in 3 times 10 to the 38th power. My brain can't quite wrap itself around how big that was. [00:04:33]
I can be a little bit nerdy. So I went home and I just did a little Googling, a little researching, because I'd already established, okay, well, if nobody has the same top five strengths as me in my city or my state, what does this big number represent?
And I learned that according to the Population Research Bureau, there have only ever been maybe 100 billion people on planet earth from the beginning of time until now. That's the general estimate. Then I was researching a little bit more, and according to scientists, they generally believe that the earth is a little bit past its half-life. Now, when I say that, I just have to put in the qualifier. This isn't a statement on the return of Christ or on creation versus whatever. It's just kind of to numerically demonstrate the size of this number.
So if there have ever been 100 billion people on planet Earth and the earth is past its half-life, then there's probably not going to be another 100 billion. [00:05:32] So probably there's never going to be more than 200 billion people on planet Earth.
But just, you know, to throw in for crazy circumstances or whatever, let's say that maybe over the existence of planet Earth, there are maybe 1 trillion people ever. We're just putting in tons of buffer there. 1 trillion has 12 zeros in it. A schmoozle has 38 zeros in it. So it's like infinitely more massive.
Just the realization that I came to from all these numbers, I know some people are listening and they're like, "Stop. Stop, Kat. Stop with the numbers. My brain is exploding." Ultimately, if I could just bring this down, it's just to say that from the beginning of time until now, and really until the end of time, there never has been and there never will be anyone quite like you.
Whatever you're doing right now, whoever you're with, whatever role you have in life, however important or unimportant you feel like you are, [00:06:36] however influential or uninfluential you feel like you are, however equipped or unequipped you feel like you are, there has never, ever, and never will be anyone, even remotely, like you.
So that means out of all the people that God ever decided would be on planet Earth, He specifically chose you and the way that you're made for the people in your life and have a certain impact and imprint on the history of mankind. And we need you. And you might feel like there are other people who are more qualified or more talented or more impressive, but we need you and no one can take your place because there never has been and never will be anyone like you.
That just fires me up because I see so many people going through life feeling unworthy, feeling like they're less than. But really, no, we need you. We need you exactly like you are and exactly whatever your story is, whatever your experiences are. [00:07:41] God made you and He put you where He put you to live life in a certain way.
And it's just my heart to help people own that and to step out and start each day and say, "Okay, God, you made me like no one else in the world. I have a specific thing to do. I want to follow you. Show me what it is. Help me to live with you today."
Laura Dugger: You articulate that so well. If somebody is inspired, how can a listener take a next step to walk into the unique plans that God has for them or the next role He's designed for them to play and that He's equipped them to fulfill?
Kat Lee: You know, it's really simple, honestly. Just meet with Jesus. Connect with Him. If He made us so specifically and intricately and uniquely, then He is the only one that needs to impact how we live fundamentally.
If we can start our day connected to Him and saying, Okay, God, you made me, you put me here for a reason. What is it? I want to follow you. I want to live out the story that you've written for me." [00:08:48] And if there's any next step that anyone takes, it would just be to spend time with Him and start your day with Him. And then build that habit so that you're increasingly just walking with Him throughout the day.
Kind of like the scripture says that we abide in Him so that the words that we speak, the decisions that we make, the things that we do are all filtered through Him and for His glory and for the purposes that He made for us.
Laura Dugger: I think that's a great place to start. That it does begin with Him. I'm sure that you've heard this so many times before, but actually, you, Kat, are one of the people that God used in my own life to encourage and prompt me to launch The Savvy Sauce with our team with Natalie and Lauren.
Kat Lee: Aw.
Laura Dugger: But it's because you were the host of a podcast that I related to the most, and I witnessed all of the blessings that God even showered just on me due to your obedience to Him. [00:09:47] And I was so appreciative that you were doing that important work.
Then reading your book, on page 59, I'll just read something because there was more encouragement from it. We talked about this briefly in our last time together, but on page 59 you said, "You will find a few example in scripture of anyone waiting until they were perfect to act. In fact, most move before they were ready. People or things seems to make sense. They stepped out in faith. My challenge to you is to step out in faith too. Believe that God can handle your baby steps. That He can turn your fish and loaves into something so much greater than you could ever dream up on your own."
So I hope that that's encouraging to somebody else listening today to take the next step in faith for what God has planned for them, because they don't know what blessing it will be on the other side for somebody else.
Kat Lee: Oh, I love that. The thing about stepping out in faith is that it's not about what we can do, it's about what He can do. It's truly a step of faith. So we might not feel qualified, we might not feel like it's something we can do, but as we're abiding in Him, and we feel that prompt from Him, and we step out with Him, then He's going to equip us to do whatever it is that we're called to do. [00:11:04] And there's grace for whatever the results look like. And however easy or hard it is, He is with us. It's so fun to hear stories of how it's encouraged other people.
Laura Dugger: Yes. So really, truly, thank you for your obedience.
Kat Lee: I just want to say to you, well done for taking action on what you felt like God was leading you to do. It's not always easy to do that. I'm proud of you that you did it. Especially starting a podcast. That can feel very daunting.
Laura Dugger: Yes, so much more work goes into it than you'd think, but it has been so life-giving. Thinking now of your own audience, do you have any stories from them of how somebody applied this encouragement to their own life?
Kat Lee: You know, it's been neat to see a lot of mothers, honestly, that have just really owned their role so much more and realize that, Okay, I'm not, quote-unquote, "just a mom". But really seeing the value and purpose and what they're doing in raising these men and women of the next generation. And realizing that God has this specific purpose and plan for them and for their kids. [00:12:08]
I've also heard from all kinds of people in different roles, doctors who have actually shared the three-minute morning routine with their patients or radio people sharing it with people. Honestly, more than anything, I love hearing when people own where they already are. It doesn't have to be going out and trying to be the next person to walk on the moon. It can just be realizing that where I am, however small it might feel, that God has a purpose for me there.
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Laura Dugger: Let's just go through a few of the other themes that you talk about in your book. So through your journey of establishing your morning routine of God. Plan. Move that we're referencing, you seem to have started living such a much more intentional and fulfilling life. [00:14:23]
We did a deep dive into that three-step morning habit with our previous chat, so I can encourage listeners to go back if you missed that episode. But there's also another purposeful discipline you teach, and that is how to be effective rather than simply being efficient with your time. So will you elaborate on that idea?
Kat Lee: Yeah. It's easy to get the two confused. I can open up my to-do list and just feel like I'm checking things off all day. But if I'm not actually making any progress towards my goal, then it's kind of pointless. It's kind of like if you're running a marathon and you jog in place for three hours. You're being efficient, you're getting a lot done in a really quick amount of time, but you're not getting anywhere.
And I think that's the difference between being effective is knowing your goal and moving towards that as opposed to being efficient which is just getting a bunch done really quickly. So ultimately, I think being effective is just keeping that end goal in mind. [00:15:24]
It can be so, so easy to get distracted. And honestly, a lot of times as we're trying to get stuff done throughout the day, stuff on our to-do list, it's easier to gravitate towards the simple things that make us feel like we're getting things done. But if we can keep that end goal in mind, we can be so much more effective instead of just wasting our time being efficient.
Laura Dugger: Do you have any practical steps or questions we can ask ourselves to begin tracking our time?
Kat Lee: Yeah. One thing that I do that's really important to me is I have a personal mission statement. Every morning, or at least most mornings, I open it up. I have an Evernote note where I have my mission statement divided into my faith, my family, and my fitness.
I just kind of read through those different areas and remember what my goal is in each one of those areas. And then I'm just like, okay, how's this going to apply to my day-to-day? Are the things that I have on my to-do list today, are they actually geared back towards my ultimate goal, my ultimate mission statement? [00:16:27] If they're not, then do I actually need to do them?
I think a lot of times questioning the things that come on our plate and filtering them and making sure that we really need to actually do them as opposed to feeling like they're things that we should do. And a lot of times just even asking that question can be really helpful in making us more effective rather than just efficient.
Laura Dugger: Are you comfortable sharing your personal mission statement with us?
Kat Lee: I am. I need to pull it up real quick because I don't have it memorized. My faith statement is: I live each day abiding more and more in God's presence, word, and calling. I pray throughout the day with expectation, and I'm hiding His word in my heart by memorizing scripture.
My family one is: I have very strong relationships with Jimmy, my husband, and each of the children, and each relationship is thriving. I have one-on-one conversations with each, and I'm praying constantly and specifically for them and follow up on prayer requests. [00:17:27]
Then my fitness one is: I am fit, well-nourished, and well-rested, so I'm full of energy for my calling.
Then my focus one is: I am prepared for and consistent with my work. I have clear attainable goals and work with clear focus, and I build on effective habits.
Now, I want to clarify after reading all that, I don't do all that. Every day it's not perfect. But it's important to me to write those as though I do because just reading them out loud is sort of an accountability to myself. You know, as I review it each day because it's written in a statement as though I already do them, it helps me to be like, is this ringing true? Is this authentic? If not, what needs to change? How do I work these things into my life? How am I more effective as a wife or as a mother or as a worker or as a believer or whatever?
So I have those written out and they sound maybe kind of specific or really high and mighty, but it's just really just to help me be accountable to who I want to be and not letting myself slack off thinking, Oh, that's who I'm going to be someday. [00:18:34] But instead, how can I be some level of that today?
Laura Dugger: Thank you so much for sharing that. It's so helpful to have these specific examples. Can you think back even on a time where a few options came to you and you ran it through that filter of your mission statement, and what did you say yes to, and what did you say no to?
Kat Lee: Okay, that's a good question. Honestly, the first one that comes to mind is kind of a fun one. I got invited to go to a movie premiere for a Jennifer Garner film where... I forget the name of it. It was something that I... I don't know if I would have enjoyed the movie anyway, because the main character was... it was Jennifer Garner, but then her daughter. I think the daughter's name was Anna, which is also my daughter's name.
I think she gets really sick or something in the movie, so I was like, Oh, that's going to be emotional. But I got invited to go to that and I was like, I've never been to a premiere kind of thing. That sounds fun. I was going to get to interview Jennifer Garner as well, which I thought would be really fun. [00:19:37]
But I felt like, how does this really tie in with, one, even just my work? And I was like, you know what, this is more something that I think is cool than something that I feel like really ties in with the women that I'm ministering to.
Then filtering it through my family statement as well, my daughter was... I don't know if it was her birthday and she was having a summer party. But she was having a bunch of friends over and wanted me to be there. And I was like, That sounds really fun and all, but I really... my 13-year-old wants me to hang out with her and that's where I want to be.
So having that cool opportunity, it was helpful to me to have this statement to run it through and realize I only want to do that because it's a cool opportunity. I'm not doing it because it's actually who I want to be, and it doesn't help me move forward in any of these four areas.
Laura Dugger: Wow, that's a great example. I'm sure it was not easy to say no to it, but that was your anchor, your mission statement. [00:20:37]
Kat Lee: You know, the mission statement kind of made it easy, almost, you know?
Laura Dugger: That's a good way of saying it. And then what about the flip side? What is something that you agreed to do because it did fit your filter of the mission statement?
Kat Lee: Well, I was recently asked to speak at a conference here in Waco. It's a writer's conference called The Collab Conference. And while I haven't been doing a ton of speaking stuff lately... because my oldest is a junior, so we have like 18 months left with her before she goes off to college. So I'm wanting to not be away or gone or anything, but really maximize every minute I can with her.
When this opportunity to speak came up, I thought, Okay, well, it does tie in with my desire to stay here in Waco so that I can be with my family and it does tie in with the work that I do and the encouragement that I want to share with people. And the conference was even during school hours, so I was literally not going to miss anything with any of my kids. So it just fit in perfectly. And I knew it was something that I needed to say yes to. [00:21:39]
Laura Dugger: I love it. I think as you share it, it just lets ideas pop in our own heads of how we've filtered ideas before. So I like your system that makes it more predictable.
Kat Lee: And I need that because I can be really excited about things or get swayed by fun ideas. And if I don't have this filter, then it's probably my tendency to just say, yes, everything, everything is fun and then I'm completely, you know, stretched beyond my limits.
Laura Dugger: That makes me curious. Just a side note, do you know your Enneagram number?
Kat Lee: I'm actually a 1, I think. I've really gone back and forth. So on Myers-Briggs, I'm an ENFP, and I don't know if that naturally translates to be an Enneagram 1. But I've studied a lot of them, and I feel like I've landed that I am an Enneagram one. So I don't know what wing and all that sort of stuff, but I think that's what I am. But then Myers-Briggs, I'm an ENFP, so I'm not sure. [00:22:39]
Laura Dugger: Well, let's just keep covering all of these as well. What about your StrengthsFinders? Do you remember your top five?
Kat Lee: Oh, yeah. I am a relator. I am an ideation. I am an activator. Basically, I have ideas and I like people and I like getting stuff done. I don't remember all the words for them. I need to actually write that down somewhere. But it's something like those. Oh, and a strategy is one as well.
Being strategic, he described it as you want to always kind of keep moving forward. And I just remember this because when I said that strategic was one of mine, he said, "So, if you are on your way to taking your kids to school and there's a traffic jam, but it's probably going to get there just as fast as if you went a back route, what would you do? Would you wait in the line or would you go the back route?" I'm like, "No, I do not want to wait in line. I want to go whatever back route way I can so I can just keep moving forward." [00:23:44]
So yeah, that's how he described being strategic to me. That they're the people who always want to think through how can they keep moving forward.
Laura Dugger: Oh, that's a great example.
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I love your perspective on the importance of both faith and planning. Do you mind just elaborating on how these seemingly opposite concepts actually fit together? [00:24:46]
Kat Lee: Yeah, absolutely. I like to share the story that when my kids were younger, one day we went to church. Like they were babies. My oldest two are 23 months apart, so I'm guessing one was maybe six months and the other one was 29 months. And we're at church and it was actually at a new place in town because we're having a big conference. So we had to have a bigger venue.
I remember being there and sitting there in this room with all these people who had flown in from all over the country to be at this conference and looking around at them and I'm thinking, "Oh, I wonder where they're from. I wonder what it's like there. I've just been at home changing diapers for the last 29 months."
And I leaned over to my husband and I was like, "Sweetheart, we need to go on vacation." And he said, "Okay, we're in the middle of church." And I said, "Today." And he looked over and he's like, Okay. So we literally went home from church, put our kids down for a nap, packed, woke them up, got in the car, and just started driving north because that's kind of the only direction you can go when you live in the middle of Texas. [00:25:48]
We ended up in Hot Springs, Arkansas. We were going to go to Nashville, but after six hours in the car with the kids, we were like, Hot Springs is great. It was a fine vacation. I mean, it was super fun for where we were in that season. But a few years before, after we'd paid off some college loans, we went to visit family in Europe. And we just wanted to maximize every dollar we spent and we planned it out and we went to Germany, we went to Paris, we went to Montpellier, we went to Verdun. We just saw all this stuff and got to do all these things on a pretty tight budget. And it was amazing and magical and memorable.
When I think about planning, we can go through our lives kind of like... you know, we can go to hot springs for our whole life, which is fine. But if we take the time to plan and think through where we want to go, we can have this incredible European vacation, and the cost doesn't have to even be any different.
It's the same thing just with the way that we live our lives. I think God has a plan and a purpose for us. [00:26:49] Again, there's nothing wrong with Hot Springs, Arkansas. This isn't just the example that I have. But if we just take the time to think through, okay, how has God made me? What are the things that maybe He wants me to do? And spending time with Him and spending time in the Word and in prayer and really thinking through the calling that He has on your life, how much farther we can go.
I know that a lot of times we can think that faith and planning are very different, that I just want to walk by faith. And it can be this kind of woo-woo thing that we're just, you know, kind of floating through our life. But I really see it as connecting the dots.
A woman might have the dot of she's called to be a missionary, and that's like a concrete thing. But then planning comes in and figures out, how does she raise her money? Where's she going to live? What kind of furniture does she need in this new country? What language does she need to learn?
So faith is like the dot, and then planning connects the dots. That's how I like to think that they're related. That they work hand in hand to help us kind of bring about the big picture of what God created us to do. [00:27:54] That they're not completely different things, but they're opposite sides of the same coin. God speaks calling over us, and that's a dot. Or the way He wants us to educate our children, homeschool or public school or private school or whatever, that's a dot. But the way that we flesh that out by researching curriculum or schools or whatever, that's the planning aspect of it. And so really seeing it as walking hand in hand with one another.
Laura Dugger: I remember reading your book and my mouth just dropping like, Wow, it really drove it home. I'm going to read just a paragraph of what you say, starting on page 100 with the part about don't sweat the small stuff. And you write, "Please note that when I talk about praying over our plans, it's not so much about fretting over whether God wants us to do the laundry today or tomorrow, but rather asking, Are the things filling my day the things you want to fill my day? Am I running around trying to make myself feel important and productive like Martha, when maybe what's truly needed is for me to sit a while like Mary? Am I so focused on my own goals like the priest in the story of the Good Samaritan, that I walk right by those beaten and bruised all around me?" [00:29:08] I just thought that was so profound. So I love how you illustrated faith and planning working together.
Kat Lee: You know, I feel like in any situation the Holy Spirit can trump whatever our goals are. And it might be the exact thing that's needed in that situation. We might be sitting in a meeting with a bunch of people for work or whatever, but the Holy Spirit might prompt us that, "Hey, you really need to pray for the person, you know, sitting on your left. They just shared a hard thing, and you just need to pause the meeting, have everybody gather around them, and pray for them."
I think being sensitive to what God is calling us to do in the midst of going about our schedule and in the midst of living out our plans is so important to do. And it's really just the key to all of it. Because so often we can get that dot of faith of what he's calling us to do, and then we can kind of just run with our plans. But it really needs to be interwoven, that as we're living out our plans towards what He's called us to, that we're bringing Him in on every decision in every situation, so that we can continually be sensitive to the things that He's calling us to do. [00:30:13]
Laura Dugger: I think it's just such a more exciting way to live life, sensitive to the Holy Spirit's direction and guidance.
Kat Lee: Absolutely.
Laura Dugger: Well, you also teach a simple way to determine our priorities. So what tips would you like to share on this subject?
Kat Lee: Well, you know, I have a good friend that shared this example of our priorities are kind of like concentric circles. So if you think of a target, like a bullseye, and in the center one is our relationship with God. And then right outside of that is us and our own health and well-being. And then outside of that is our family. And then the one around that is maybe our friends and family. And outside of that one is our calling.
As things get out of whack in any one of those, we need to pull in from the outer circles a little bit. Give a little bit... You know, we can't just quit our job or we can't just eliminate friendships or whatever. But we pull some energy back to focus in to make sure that those core things are being fed, and those core things are the most important. [00:31:17]
So if I feel disconnected from the Lord, then maybe I need to maybe cancel my coffee with a friend so that I can spend some one-on-one time with the Lord. Or if things aren't going well with one of my kids, maybe I need to cancel that work trip and spend some time with that child.
So just the idea of, I need to make sure that everything in the center of those concentric circles is strong and feeds the next circle outside of it. And if anything is feeling not right, then maybe I need to pull back. Because it can be so easy to have something go wrong in one of those circles. And so then, well, I'm not doing great there, so I'm just going to put everything into this other circle and give all my energy there, and then that's doing great. But then this other area of my life is totally anemic.
So I think it's important to kind of remember that picture. It's been helpful to me anyway to remember that picture. To make sure that I have a strong foundation, that I'm connected with the Lord, that I'm doing well, that my relationships with my family are doing well, relationships with friends are doing well, and then network and calling and all that are thriving as well. [00:32:25]
Laura Dugger: That's a great visual. And it reminds me something that we talk about a lot at home is the simple reminder first things first.
Kat Lee: There's, I guess, a quote that I like when I think through priorities and what's really important because it's so easy a lot of times to think, Okay, first things first. But then if we don't really make it a priority, it's easy for things to get askew. So I think it's Laura Vanderkam. She says a lot of times we think if we don't have time for something, you'll say like, I don't have time to spend time with God in the morning because I just have to run throughout my day or I don't have time to work out every day.
So the question that she challenges people to say is whatever you don't have time for, rephrase that. And instead say... instead of "I don't have time to work out," say, "it's not a priority for me to exercise." And if that doesn't ring true, then maybe it's not true that you don't have time, maybe you need to make time. [00:33:28]
That's something that has been super, super convicting for me because it's so easy to say, well, I don't have time to do X, Y, and Z. But if I rephrase it and I say, "That's not a priority, then I think, oh wait, actually, I need to make time for that thing. So as you think about the concentric circles and keeping first things first, if you want to figure out if you're really being honest with yourself, that's a great question to ask.
Laura Dugger: Wow, that's awesome and so easy to apply. I also love that you're just such a lifelong learner. So what is something that you've been learning lately that you want to share?
Kat Lee: I'm a little bit of a geeky lifelong learner so I have been learning a lot. I'm just always learning about habits because I'm fascinated by them. But I've been learning a lot lately about I guess what I'll call decision design, about how so many things in our lives, so many of the decisions that we make are actually orchestrated by other people. [00:34:28] And we can use the same concepts and psychological understanding to make different choices.
So, for example, you know, you get on Facebook and instead of scrolling through it and then at the bottom there's a link so that you have to go to the next page of the feed, instead it just automatically scrolls. That's designed by Facebook so that we just keep going. They created it that way so that we would make the decision to just keep scrolling. It's just easy to keep scrolling.
Or if you play video games like Bejeweled or whatever game was popular way back in the day, they design it so that initially you do really well when you first start the game and you're like, Oh my gosh, I'm amazing. I'm like, I could be professional Bejeweled player because I rock at this. I just hit level, you know 5,000 on my first try.
Well, they do that on purpose so that you think you're awesome at it, and then it gets a little less easy each subsequent time, and you think, Oh, well, I'm awesome at this, so clearly something's off, I'm going to keep trying. And that kind of just sucks you into using the game more and more and more. [00:35:40]
There's just so many things in our environment. Whether it's going to the grocery store and what foods we buy. They put the name-brand stuff at eye level because that's the one that we're most likely to see and grab off the shelf. They put the lower-priced ones on the bottom or way at the top where they're out of reach.
So a lot of times we'll go to the store or go throughout our day making decisions in response to other people's intention. So what I've been fascinated by lately is to think through, how can I design my own decisions? How can I put my Bible on my nightstand so that when I wake up, Oh, there's my Bible? I'm going to read it. Put my workout clothes in the bathroom so that as soon as I get up, I change and I go work out. Or whatever it is that I want to do.
If I put fruit out... Actually, recently I made a bunch of baggies of carrots and then a little container with hummus. I made maybe like 10 of them and I put them in the fridge. Magically, my kids have eaten so much more carrots and hummus because it's easy for them to grab as opposed to grabbing some unhealthy snack. [00:36:40]
So I've just been fascinated by, you know, what can I do? How can I structure my environment or do things so that it makes it easier for me to make the decisions that I ultimately want to make as I go throughout my day?
Laura Dugger: That's great. It sounds like it just takes a little bit of forethought, and then it pays big dividends.
Kat Lee: Absolutely.
Laura Dugger: Well, Kat, you are such a natural coach, and I feel like this has been an awesome pep talk. I know that you're all about community and accountability. So where can listeners go to find more resources for further study or connect with you online?
Kat Lee: Sure. They can go to HelloMornings.org and they can download the first chapter of the Hello Mornings book there. They can get the podcast there. We have a Hello Mornings Academy where I do a lot more deep-dive training on habit building and morning routines and all that. So there's a ton of stuff for them to connect with there.
Laura Dugger: Great. Well, we will also link to that in our own show notes and on our "Resources" tab at our website, thesavvysauce.com to make it easy for anybody to follow up and find you. [00:37:45] I have one more question for you today. We are called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" means practical knowledge or insight. And so Kat, what is your Savvy Sauce?
Kat Lee: I think right now it would be setting boundaries for myself, that decision design thing that I was talking about, and using that as far as how I use technology. So I can get sucked into Instagram and Facebook just like anybody else. So I've realized that about myself and I've set up, you know, different barriers.
We use the Circle app. I'm not sure if you're familiar with it. It's Circle by Disney. It's just a way for us to set limits on our kids' phones, but then I also have it set up on my phone too. So I have a certain amount of internet time every day, and since I'm in charge of it, I can obviously change those limits.
Then I also use the screen time feature on the Apple iPhone and just, you know, have that second boundary for myself. Then I use another app called Forest. It's kind of funny, but it's this cute little app where when you open it, you decide how long you want to set a timer for. [00:38:55] So basically if I want to read my Bible, if I want to do some focused work, you open this app and you say 25 minutes. And then when you click start, it starts growing this cute little tree.
If you leave the app or do anything different on your device, it'll kill the tree. And it gives up this little warning that says, are you sure you want to kill the tree? It sounds so silly and I sound like I need so much help, but I do.
It's just been a great way for me to have these different boundaries and limits on myself because I don't want to get sucked into social media. I don't want to waste my time on email or on all these different things. So I've just used all these different little tips and tricks to make sure that I'm spending my time the way I want to and not the way other people want me to.
Laura Dugger: Well, it seems like it's working and that you live a very intentional life. Kat, you're just so relatable and it's been so fun to spend time with you. So thanks for joining us again for part two.
Kat Lee: Thank you so much for having me, Laura. I really appreciate it. [00:39:56]
Laura Dugger: So again, just a reminder, we'll meet you here next week on Tuesday, January 14th, with a guest that you definitely don't want to miss.
One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners and God is perfect and holy, so He cannot be in the presence of sin. Therefore, we're separated from Him.
This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute.
This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news. [00:40:56] Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus.
We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
So would you pray with me now? Heavenly, Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change their lives now for eternity. In Jesus name, we pray, amen. [00:41:55]
If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him, you get the opportunity to live your life for Him.
At this podcast, we are called Savvy for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you're ready to get started?
First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision my parents took me to Barnes and Noble to get the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. Start by reading the book of John.
Get connected locally, which basically means just tell someone who is part of the church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.
We want to celebrate with you too. So feel free to leave a comment for us if you made a decision for Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process. [00:42:55]
Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.
If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.
Tuesday Dec 31, 2019
Tuesday Dec 31, 2019
Fruitful in 2020 with Laura Dugger
John 15:2 (NIV) “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”
Laura Dugger married her best friend, Mark, 10 years ago and they have 4 beloved daughters. Laura is a marriage and family therapist and her graduate school specialization was Christian sex therapy. She believes this podcast was an idea from the Lord and she prays to obediently follow God’s direction and bring Him glory.
Additional Questions to Consider:
What are you uniquely positioned to do?
What are your unique strengths/passions/knowledge?
What do you feel like you are created to do?
How does your unique personality or temperament play into this?
What do you love to do?
What brings you joy?
How is this beneficial to others? How will it help people?
What would it look like to be even more fruitful?
What gifts has He given you?
What seeds are you sowing right now?
What fruit do you want to see in 2020?
Are you willing?
Now is the time to write down what you want from Jesus in 2020. What is it that you want?
What changes would need to take place so you could be even more fruitful?
Will you invite Him to prune you now in 2020?
At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
This One Thing by Andy Stanley
These Savvy Sauce Episodes:
Episode 32 on 12.24.18 Spiritual Maturity with Ministry Leader, Jonna Harkness
Episode 37 on 1.28.19 Being Intentional with Marriage, Parenting, Rest, Personal development, and Leadership with Pastor, Podcaster, and Author, Jeff Henderson
Episode 57 on 6.10.19 Implementing Bite-Size Habits That Will Change Your Life with Author, Blogger, Podcaster, and Speaker, Kat Lee
Episode 70 on 9.2.19 Energy to Spark Success in Your Business with Best-Selling Author, Speaker, and Podcaster, Christy Wright
Scripture that informs this talk:
Genesis 1:27 (ESV) “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
Galatians 5:22+23 (NIV) “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
Matthew 6:33 (KJV) “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
Hebrews 12:9-11 (NIV) “Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Or fathers disciplined us for a little while as the thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
Galatians 6:9+10 (NKJV) “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith."
1 Corinthians 12:7 says (ESV) “To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.”
John 14:26 (AMP) “But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. and He will help you remember everything that I have told you,”
Ephesians 3:20+21 (NIV) “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
2 Timothy 1:6 (NIV) “For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands."
James 1:5 (NIV) “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should as God, who gives generously to all, without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”
Proverbs 14:8 (NIV) “The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.”
Genesis 3:9 (NIV) “But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”
Mark 10:52a (ESV) “And Jesus said to him, “What do you want me to do for you?”
1 Timothy 4:14a (NIV) “Do not neglect your gift"
Nehemiah 6:3 middle (ESV) “I am doing a great work and I cannot come down."
John 15: 1-11 (multiple versions)
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Friday Dec 13, 2019
Friday Dec 13, 2019
*DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults
Top Ten from 2018: #1 Fostering a fun, healthy sex life with your spouse with certified sex therapist and author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen
Song of Solomon, middle of 5:16 (NIV) “This is my lover, this is my friend,”
Dr. Jennifer Konzen is a certified sex therapist, award winning researcher, and international speaker who lives in San Diego, California. She and her husband Time have four kids. She has been a parent educator, a marriage, parenting, and sexuality seminar and conference speaker, and yes, a Broadway showtimes performer (her undergraduate degree is in Musical Theater and Vocal Performance).
Art of Intimate Marriage by Tim Konzen and Dr. Jennifer Konzen
Redeemed Sexuality by Tim Konzen and Dr. Jennifer Konzen
Intimate Marriage Cards by Tim Konzen and Dr. Jennifer Konzen
Sex and the supremacy of Christ by John Piper and Justin Taylor
His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
Five Steps to Romantic Love: A Workbook by Willard E. Harley, Jr.
Hot and Holy: The Five Senses of Romantic Love by Sam Laing
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Chick-fil-A East Peoria
Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Thursday Dec 12, 2019
Thursday Dec 12, 2019
*DISCLAIMER* This Episode is Intended For Adults
Top Ten from 2018: #2 Clinging to Jesus as I Lived Through My Worst Nightmare, with Angela Braker
Lamentations 3:21-23 (ESV) “But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness”
Angela Braker is a wife, momma to three awesome kids, and a complete work in progress. She mostly stays at home with her babies and works as a nurse part time, but she also dabbles in some creative ventures. Angela and her husband have dreams to start a combined business one day. She is all about telling the story of God’s faithfulness in her life and really wants others to taste and see it too.
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Chick-fil-A East Peoria
Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Wednesday Dec 11, 2019
Wednesday Dec 11, 2019
Top Ten from 2018: #3 God-Honoring Relationship Between a Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law with author of The Mother-in-Law Dance Annie Chapman
Proverbs 16:24(Berean Study Bible) “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and health to the body.”
Genesis 2:24 (NKJV) “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Philippians 2:4 (NIV) “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Annie Chapman is the author of “The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along?” In addition to being an author of many books,Annie is wife to Steve, mother to 2 adult children, and grandmother to 6. Her perspective as both a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law brings unique clarity to this discussion.
Thank You to Our Sponsor: Chick-fil-A East Peoria
Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website
Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!
Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)
Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”
Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”
Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”
Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”
Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”
Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”