80 Hormones and Body Image with Vickie George

*DISCLAIMER* This episode contains adult themes and is not intended for little ears

 

80. Hormones and Body Image with Certified Sex Therapist, Vickie George

 

**Transcription Below**

 

Zephaniah 3:17 NIV “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” 

 

Vickie L. George, M.Ed., M.S., LMFT, LPC, CST is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Sex Therapist, and is an AAMFT Approved Supervisor, an Approved Clinical Supervisor (ACS) by CCE of the NBCC, and a Certified Professional Counselor Supervisor (CPCS) by the State of Georgia. She has a Master’s degree in counseling from Georgia State University, a Master’s degree in Christian Psychological Integration with a specialization in Sex Therapy from Richmont Graduate University (formerly the Psychological Studies Institute), and also has completed post-graduate work in marriage and family therapy training at the University of Georgia and training in supervision.

 

Vickie has been counseling, teaching and consulting with several organizations since opening her practice in 1984. During her 30 plus years, she has gained extensive experience as she has helped clients work through difficult issues such as couple problems, sexual problems, addiction, abuse, women's issues, and examining spiritual issues.

 

At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. 

 

Vickie’s Website

Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie

The New Codependency by Melody Beattie

It Will Never Happen to Me by Claudia Black

Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody

 

Thank You to Our Sponsor: Sam Glenn

 

Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website

 

Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast!

 

Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)

 

Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

 

Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

 

Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” 

 

Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” 

 

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

 

Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” 

 

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

 

Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” 

 

Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

 

Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

 

Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”

 

Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”

 

Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“

 

Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“

 

Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

 

**Transcription**

 

[00:00:00] <music>

 

Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. 

 

[00:00:17] <music>

 

Laura Dugger: Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. 

 

For nearly three decades, award-winning speaker and author Sam Glenn has been captivating audiences of every size from every industry with his inspirational, art-based talks that focus on recharging attitudes for success. To learn more about Sam's speeches, books, and art, visit samglenn.com. 

 

We have Vickie George back as our returning guest. Last time we had the opportunity to chat, we discussed gender differences and conflict in relationships. And that's an episode you don't want to miss. And now we're back together to discuss hormones, codependent relationships, and how to understand our spouse's different manifestations of sexual desire in marriage. [00:01:19] 

 

Here's our chat. 

 

Welcome back today, Vickie. 

 

Vickie George: Oh, it's good to be back. 

 

Laura Dugger: Do you mind just giving us a glimpse into who you are? 

 

Vickie George: Well, I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor, and a certified sex therapist. I'm also an approved supervisor. So a great deal of my life and practice is to the passion of all three of those. 

 

I have about 30% of my practice where I am supervising therapists both in training in grad school, post-grad, and also therapists who may be also licensed. Mentoring the next generation of therapists is extremely important to me and a passion of mine. I want to make sure that I do that well and that the next generation is able to pass on the important things that make marriage and family and relationship therapy so important in a world that feels very disconnected at times or not relational. [00:02:29] The connecting is more at each other rather than with each other. 

 

Laura Dugger: So good. For anybody who isn't aware of this, you were my supervisor in graduate school and taught me so much. And you continue to just be available, willing to answer questions. So I really appreciate getting to connect with you again today. 

 

Vickie George: Yeah. It's a delight to have you back in my office. Well, and I work a lot, not only with couples, but I work a lot with trauma and also addiction. So all of those are loves of mine in the field. It is complex and that is the type of thing that I like working with. Because the more complex it is, the more the joy as they unpack and get healing in the many complex areas where there may be wounding or deprivation, etc. 

 

Laura Dugger: Let's just dive right in. We often hear hormones have a big effect on us, but can you explain further how they specifically affect our mood, sleep, and sex life? [00:03:38]

 

Vickie George: They affect all of it. That's the bottom line. And therein lies why as you age or menopause or andropause for men, as that lessens then mood can get more swinging-like, sleep problems because hormones bathe the brain and then therefore the body in what it needs for a sense of calm or arousal. It affects how well we think. 

 

That's why, you know, people will laugh about menopause brain because literally it's not being bathed as much so memory will get iffy at times. It affects everything from how you are able to have muscle mass, those are just a few things. Some of that you've probably heard on television, you know, promoting certain things that are helpful. Part of that, yes, can be done through medicine. [00:04:45] 

 

But it's really important not only to know how they're needed in the body, but also that they need to be in the correct ratio in the body so that when you're younger, if things are not going well or whatever, it may be a hormone problem in men and women. So going and having a complete physical to see what hormone levels are and are you in the average range and are the ratio of all three of the main hormones that all men and women have which is estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone. They have to be in the correct ratio. So an over or an under of any of those will affect the person as well in a negative way. 

 

Laura Dugger: You mentioned that medication may help with some of that, but is it possible in any other way for us to help harness our hormones or help that ratio be in the correct relationship? [00:05:47] 

 

Vickie George: Well, first of all, everything is interrelated and holistic. Everything from neurotransmitters that are in the body, especially that you hear about in the brain, but also neurotransmitters like serotonin is in the digestive area. And they all interconnect with each other. 

 

For instance, serotonin is connected with estrogen and is almost a synthesis. That's why sometimes when women who have hormonal issues may go on something like an SSRI, which is an antidepressant, a low dosage of that will affect the serotonin level as well as the estrogen so that they feel better. 

 

Of course, what are things that we know that help? Getting enough sleep, eating healthy, watching sugar intake, exercise. One of the things that we have said for a very long time is 45 minutes of intense aerobic activity four times a week is equal to 20 milligrams of generic Prozac. [00:06:53] 

 

Of what it does in changing the structure of the brain and helping promote Serotonin in the brain, which of course is connected with estrogen indirectly. And there are things that you can take over the counter that can be helpful. But you want to talk with your healthcare provider about that especially if like naturopathic type of things that some people are okay with other people or not. It's a personal choice. Certain things... GABA, that helps, 5-HTP are things that help with calming, and all of those together. 

 

Laura Dugger: And we're throwing out a lot of terms here. Maybe we should back it up and we'll unpack a few of these hormones and then even serotonin. How would a listener know what serotonin does for them or how they would have a measure of if it might be off in their body? 

 

Vickie George: Serotonin is part of what gives you a sense of calm and well-being. [00:07:56] That is how serotonin is used mostly in the body. I just saw some recent statistics that 52% of women at some point or another will have a shortage of serotonin. 

 

One of the things that we know is that women suffer more with depression. So seeing your doctor, seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist, those are avenues where you can talk to the experts about that. But if you are feeling sugar cravings, anxiety, depression, problems with sleep, those are some of the telltale signs that can be that serotonin may be off. 

 

Laura Dugger: That is really helpful. Can you do the same thing with the three main hormones? Just a little glimpse of what they do and how we know if they're out of whack. [00:08:56] 

 

Vickie George: Lack of estrogen in women, they really don't have any type of sexual desire very often. If they are estrogen dominant, which means that they don't have enough testosterone or progesterone, they can be very agitated, irritability, or whatever. So it's once again that too much or too little of anything. 

 

The same way with testosterone in men, if there is kind of a lethargy, or it will come out in lack of desire sometimes for sex, that can be a testosterone issue. Because anytime something is off, the first thing that you want to do is go and have a full panel done, having a complete physical check, and have a complete physical with all the blood work and hormones tested, thyroid tested, etc., those types of things to see. I mean some people can feel like they're depressed and they may just be having a problem with B12 which gives you energy or that you may not be metabolizing it. [00:10:09] 

 

So, not to get too complex, the bottom line is if you're not sure, visiting your doctor and having a complete physical where they do a lot of blood work for those types of things and see what the doctor says. One of the things that has come into my office is that people will have their tests done for hormones or thyroid and the doctor will say that they are in the normal range but it's in the low normal range. And low normal for lots of people is actually low. 

 

So having hormones or thyroid, etc. that is in the mid-range is really what's helpful for overall health, mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, etc. 

 

Laura Dugger: And progesterone is one that we don't hear about as much. So is there anything that would alert us if ours is off? [00:11:08] 

 

Vickie George: It's a misunderstood hormone. It's considered, quote-unquote, the prickly hormone in one sense that you can be irritable or agitated with it, but it also has its benefit in balancing out the others. So once again, if there's too much of it, the prickly or whatever, but where there is a deficit of it, then you will run into some health issues. So it's needed to balance the body out. 

 

A lot of times progesterone therapy will be used to balance these out or even in menopause. That's why talking to your health care professional, somebody that you believe really knows what they're talking about... You know, sometimes you just have to find who works best for you. 

 

Laura Dugger: Another obstacle that many women face is negative body image. How does that affect their level of enjoyment and freedom in the bedroom? 

 

Vickie George: It affects it a great deal. [00:12:08] You're going to have to come to having an acceptance about your body. Now, that's easier said than done, given the nature of our society, how skinny and everything is championed, how you are only as good as you look so often is purported in Hollywood and everywhere else. So it is tough for lots of women to accept that, but it needs to be a work in progress. 

 

The other thing is, are you being not okay with your body because of you? What messages did you get? Where did this come from? Are you being perfectionistic? Because 100% of all women have some quote-unquote body issues, something on their body that they don't like. [00:13:09] 

 

The other thing is when you ask men, they like a woman who takes care of themselves. That does not mean they have to be a size 2. They just like a woman who works at trying to take care of herself physically. She does not have to look like something off of television. 

 

The other thing that's a total shocker for most women is that most men do not notice 10 additional pounds. They do not. And women will grieve themselves to death sometime over the 10 pounds that they wish they could lose. Unfortunately, then the number of times that I have had women who have come in over the years and as they age regretted the amount of energy that they spent on worrying about 10 pounds when nobody cared.

 

I heard a colleague talk about the 15-40-60 rule. [00:14:11] Which, of course, he made up. But at 15, you're all worried about how you look and what people think about you and you think they're talking about you and wondering what they're saying, etc. At 40, you don't care what people are thinking about you as much anymore, and at 60 you realize they're really not talking about you at all and could care less. That you have become a legend in your own mind when you worry about those sorts of things. 

 

So it is taking up space in your head without paying rent because it's certainly not taking up that much space in anyone else's head.

 

Laura Dugger: I hope that is so freeing for someone to hear today. And if they need some action steps, if they are wrestling with this, it's not somebody else putting that negative image on them, they struggle with it internally, what encouragement would you share with them today? 

 

Vickie George: How comfortable do you feel in your own skin of just you as a person? [00:15:11] Because that's the bottom line. Because plenty of women who will look like models but then feel horrible about themselves and beat themselves up and just self-loathing and so on and so forth, and then others who by Hollywood standards would be 10 to 20 pounds overweight are fine with themselves, enjoy themselves, enjoy a male company, enjoy if they're married, their spouse, etc. and feel very confident. 

 

So it's much more about what's inside and how you think that needs changing than necessarily so much on what is the outside. 

 

Laura Dugger: And now a brief message from our sponsor. 

 

Sponsor: Sam Glenn is an award-winning inspirational speaker, gifted performance artist, and author of over 30 incredible books on personal and professional development. Sam Glenn has been honored by being named Speaker of the Year on several occasions by meeting and event organizations, and he won two national awards for his training videos. [00:16:20] 

 

Hundreds of organizations use Sam's videos weekly to kick off their staff meetings and cultivate positivity in their workplace. Sam's experience and longevity in the speaking industry has made him an expert at customizing an unforgettable speech to highlight the positive unforgettables that are meaningful and specific to your organization and your people. 

 

While the themes may be consistent, no two speeches Sam gives are identical. And that is why groups consistently bring him back. Because not only are they confident that they will get the most meaningful message for their group, but also their employees and attendees demand it. 

 

For more information, visit samglenn.com. Sam and his wife Danielle are supporters of The Savvy Sauce, so they have also generously offered a free eBook version of one of Sam's most popular books. You can access it by visiting thesavvysauce.com and clicking on our "resources" tab. I hope that you visit his website today at samglenn.com. Again, that's samglenn.com. Thanks for your sponsorship. [00:17:29] 

 

Laura Dugger: How do you recommend renewing your mind in a way that will start to lead into more positive body image? 

 

Vickie George: For a woman, and I think this applies to men as well, but you need to know who you are and whose you are. If you are a person of faith, then do you really believe, do you really feel that God loves you no matter what and created you exactly as you are and said that you are good? Because that is exactly what He did. He talks about how he loves us no matter what. God is an inside-out God. He talks about our heart. That is what He is interested in. 

 

Once again, when our heart is right and we feel good internally, it then becomes outward in our countenance. [00:18:31] And that's what people are attracted to: people who smile, who laugh, who feel good about themselves. And when you know that you were loved by the God of the universe who created you and gave you your personality and your body and said that it was good, then it is good indeed. 

 

Laura Dugger: I love that. And if somebody has never read the Bible before, maybe a great place to start, in the middle of your Bible, Psalm chapter 139. Just reading through that to see that God is the one who created you and indeed does love you right where you're at. 

 

Vickie George: Another one of my favorites that is a little tiny book in the Old Testament, the book of Zephaniah 3:17. It's really great to see how God looks at you. Because it talks about He loves you and He rejoices over you and wants to protect you, etc. [00:19:36] 

 

Rejoicing in that context, in the Hebrew, meant to dance around wildly. So if you think of the God of the universe dancing around wildly about you, that's staggering. That's game-changer if you can really take that in. 

 

Laura Dugger: And that applies to every single one of us listening right now.

 

Vickie George: That's exactly right. He does not rejoice anymore over the person who looks like a model than the person who may be 40 pounds overweight. He still loves, accepts, and rejoices over. And He hung on the cross for them the exact same amount of time because it's all level there. 

 

Laura Dugger: And that gives everyone a place to begin today starting to renew their mind for body image. We've touched on other things related to sex therapy. [00:20:37] So what other general topics do you see that come into your office that we may not think of related to sex therapy? 

 

Vickie George: Desire issues. A lot of couples will come in and say they're having trouble with desire. and that's a complex issue. They may have trouble with arousal. We see unconsummated marriages and things that people don't really talk about. 

 

Sometimes if they are having fertility issues, if they are having issues with compulsivity, that unwanted compulsivity with masturbation or if they are struggling with same-sex attraction that's unwanted same-sex attraction. Things related to even birth control that can cause issues. Those are just a few of things. 

 

Understanding the differences in men and women in sex is very different. and so they can get at cross-purposes not knowing, once again, the differences between males and females. [00:21:43] Like, for instance, let's just take desire. Assertive desire in men is usually more direct, that they will directly approach their partner in asking for sex. Women, not necessarily. They usually will be a little more alluring and indirect with the way and use their feminine ways to show desire. 

 

Another thing that's different is women are generally... 20% of them are the higher desire, whereas men are 80%. Well, that's a difference just right there between desires. And so it doesn't necessarily mean that one has high desire and the other has no desire. It may be just differences in higher and lower desire. And how do you come to grips with that as a couple and how do you communicate about it? 

 

That's another thing that couples will... because it's tough to talk about sex. People may feel ashamed about it or embarrassed or criticized or not good enough. [00:22:49] I mean, because it's such a vulnerable area for men and women that they can literally make assumptions and they be wrong assumptions and it take on a life of its own. 

 

Laura Dugger: When you talk about assumptions, what are some differences that couples listening today maybe have never heard related to sex therapy? 

 

Vickie George: One of them is that men will be greatly affected in a negative way in their sense of self and masculinity if they do not feel that their wife desires them. So if she does not show desire, especially sexually... and it doesn't mean that she has to initiate all the time, but that she is into it, etc. If men do not feel that, then it affects their sense of self and hurts them. 

 

Of course, for males, they don't talk a lot about her, especially around this area. They will either get angry or they will shut down. [00:23:52] But not feeling desired by their wife is very wounding and how it affects their sense of being a man and feeling like a man. 

 

Another thing, too, is that we have seen in research over the last 10 years is the actual issue of desire in women. One of the things that we are learning is, of course, what Hollywood says is total trash and not really true, that the only type of desire is the type that's taught in Hollywood and that everybody is like that all the time and everybody looks like that and it's Rockets' Red Glare every time. Because it's not. That's not real life. 

 

Real life is a connection and that it's good, sometimes it's great, and then other times it was satisfying but is not Rockets' Red Glare. And sometimes it doesn't look that beautiful and out you're on my arm. You know, that sort of thing is a normal part of real-life sexuality, but that it can still be a connecting and fun time with a couple. [00:24:59] 

 

With women, their desire so often does not come before sex. It comes actually during sex. So, whereas they may be receptive in desire to, okay, sure honey but they aren't really feeling it or into it in the beginning. If men understand she may not have all of that desire at all like I would like beforehand but she's willing, that counts as desire, gentlemen, just so you know.

 

And then in the middle of it it's like, wow, she... you know, you're getting into it or she's getting into it and enjoying it and oh, wow, that was a really good idea. I'm so glad we did that. That is desire coming in the middle of the sexual experience. And that is much more female. 

 

Laura Dugger: That's such a good clarification. A male, stereotypically, will feel desire and then initiate and there will be stimulation and the arousal is already there. For a female, the desire looks very different because the stimulation may be there before the arousal starts to ramp up. [00:26:07] 

 

Vickie George: That is correct. 

 

Laura Dugger: Okay. Well, in moving on, I remember from our supervision days that you taught me a lot about codependent relationships. If listeners aren't familiar with that term, how would you define codependency? and then maybe share what are some signs if you are in a codependent relationship.

 

Vickie George: Codependency is a large term that has been thrown around and not a lot of clarity on it. Melody Beatty in her book, Codependent No More gave a very good definition of codependency. Also, Pia Mellody is another person who has written a lot on it. This goes back to 80s. These are some really classic writings that started out in clarifying it. Another one is Claudia Black. So any three of those authors, if you look them up, will have some good books and definitions on codependency. [00:27:06] 

 

It is basically... I'm going to go at it from more of a spiritual perspective or holistic perspective. With a codependent, what they are doing is that they are trying to utilize a person or people to fill up a hole that they have inside. 

 

So it's like they have an H-O-L-E inside that they are utilizing doing for people or expecting from people to fill that up to make them W-H-O-L-E. So they will either do things for people and it's got a motive to it. It's not freely given. It's "I'm going to do this for you so I get something from you." It's a giving to get. And it can be very subtle and it can look very nice and very helpful, but there's an agenda. [00:28:07] And if that agenda is then not met, they are hugely disappointed, they can get angry, depressed, all sorts of things. 

 

The difference between someone who is acting in a way codependently... because they can look like and do for others and be very helpful and serving and all that sort of stuff, but it has agenda to it. Someone who truly wants to help or serve others already feels W-H-O-L-E inside. So the giving or doing for others is outpouring from that wholeness and is given with that spirit to it, so that there's no expectation back. There's no agenda. Codependency is the other. It's a giving to get to fill up the H-O-L-E, servanthood is feeling W-H-O-L-E, giving freely.

 

Laura Dugger: So how do people move in that direction? [00:29:08] 

 

Vickie George: Well, what needs to happen is how are you internally? How are you feeling about you? What do you need to make you feel W-H-O-L-E? That is healthy, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, socially, vocationally. Those are the things. What is it that uniquely would make you W-H-O-L-E? Looking for things that define what is good health, so to speak, in all of those arenas, that's what makes a W-H-O-L-E person. 

 

Laura Dugger: Here are a few more reviews people have left on iTunes. B.A. Zim says, "Each episode is full of practical tips and encouragement. This podcast is well worth your time." Thank you, B.A. Zim. We are so honored that you took the time to share those words. And not only did you encourage us, but you are also very key in iTunes promoting our podcast because of your five-star rating and review. Thanks so much. [00:30:16] 

 

To break it down to a practical level so that listers can apply some of this today, what are some ways they can become more W-H-O-L-E? Let's hit on emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 

 

Vickie George: Well, let's take the more simple one. Physically, exercise, eating right, you know, the things you've heard, watching sugar intake, alcohol intake, you know, having a complete physical to make sure that is there anything going on in your body that needs attention so that you can operate more whole physically. 

 

Emotionally, that is once again, do you know? What is going on with you? Do you know who you are? Do you know what your emotions are? Are you good at identifying them? Do you know how to deal with them effectively? Do you know how to express them effectively? Do you have good EQ, emotional quotient, okay? 

 

We know from the business world even that EQ is way more successful in the world in general than IQ per se.  And if you don't, then that's where counseling can be helpful, reading, etc. [00:31:29] Being and talking to people or hanging out with people that you respect that do know how to deal with their emotions better. Watch them, observe, etc. 

 

It doesn't mean that everybody has to end up in a counseling room. But we have the internet for heaven's sake. We can look everything up in the world. 

 

Laura Dugger: Certainly. I love that you're talking about EQ because that is a learned skill. So there's hope to grow in that. 

 

Vickie George: That's exactly right. And everybody learns and develops EQ. Okay? It's not just an automatic given thing. Everybody learns it. It's easier for women that they're socialized from an earlier age very often to have EQ and that it may seem like it is higher because they've been socialized from an earlier age. So often men have not been, so they're not emotional clods because men are emotional beings as well. It just looks different. It comes out differently. [00:32:29] 

 

They need to grow so that they are emotionally healthy. And it doesn't mean that they have to look like a woman. Growing in your own emotional health does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination, giving up your man card. 

Laura Dugger: What does it look like for a man to grow in that? 

 

Vickie George: To be able to say the things that he likes or he doesn't like. What makes him feel good about something? What are the things that you enjoy? What are the things that make you angry? Or getting to know the difference between, instead of everything being... making an angry response. 

 

What is underneath anger so often? For most people, and especially for males, anger can be a lot of the time a secondary emotion so that they may be feeling distressed, disappointed, depressed, hurt, disillusioned. [00:33:29] Those can be just a few of things that then get translated into anger automatically for men. It's like a reflex. So knowing what's underneath that and being able to identify it in yourself is helpful for men. 

 

Laura Dugger: That's good. You mentioned the internet earlier. If you even Google "feeling wheel" you can see what the underlying emotion is for one that presents itself like anger that you're just talking about. 

 

Vickie George: One of the things that I do with everybody that comes into my office is I have them go on the internet and I have them search for "feelings with faces" or "emotions with faces". And a ton of them come up. You know, a picture is worth a thousand words. 

 

So, faces that show differing emotions. And there are lots of different… So I have them go and do that and then print off five different ones because not all of them have all the same emotions. And I say, take those and I want you to put them on the refrigerator so that you can look at them at any time or that they're readily available. [00:34:39] If you're not knowing what's going on or you need to have some sort of discussion, and you know it could kind of get heated, that that is right there, that you can look at those and be able to say, hmm, I am feeling agitated, frustrated, a little bit sad, and misunderstood. That helps to clarify and helps then increasing EQ. 

 

Laura Dugger: I love that. Something that we can take and go do right away today. 

 

Vickie George: How you grow in spiritual health is a lot like what you do with physical health. In that you would exercise, etc., and have disciplines in how you eat. The spiritual disciplines, how much time are you sitting and in essence getting to know God, reading the Bible, reading books that authors have written about spiritual things. 

 

Prayer. And it doesn't matter if you don't know how to pray because the Bible talks about how to pray, there are books on how to pray. And the other thing is God listens to you and hears you anyway. You don't have to make it pretty. [00:35:42] 

 

Being in community with other people who their spiritual life is important to them. Bible studies, etc., worship. Those are some of the things that help you know and develop your spiritual muscle just like you would your physical muscle and just like we were talking about. Like the feelings, faces helps you develop your EQ muscle. 

 

Laura Dugger: I love it. It's so good. As we're winding down today, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. "Savvy" means practical knowledge or insight. And as our final question today, Vickie, what is your savvy sauce? 

 

Vickie George: The word that comes to mind is "intentional". Everything that I've talked about, you have to be intentional about. It is not going to just happen. If you are going to develop anything, you're going to have to be intentional about it. If you even wanted to learn how to ride a bike, you have to be intentional about learning how do I do this and balancing or pedaling or anything along that line. [00:36:52] 

 

What we do has to be intentional. It does not come naturally. It does not just flow into us. So the healthiest people, the happiest people, the people who are the most satisfied in their life and in their relationships are intentional about what they do in making that happen. 

 

Laura Dugger: What's one step somebody could take today to be intentional to grow in one of these areas you've talked about? 

 

Vickie George: Well, since I am a therapist and I'm all about relationships, be intentional with your spouse or partner or boyfriend or children or whoever it is that you are wanting to connect with. That you be intentional in trying to connect with them in communicating something really simple. Like, what you like about them,  what you appreciate about them. That is an automatic connecting point. [00:37:55] People feel valued, cared about, important, etc., when you talk about what you like about them. 

 

And see, even for children, the concept of being loved does not make as much sense to them as being liked. That's why when you tell your child, I love you, it's so big or ambiguous, but I really like you or I like this about you, children resonate with that because that's what you learn even in school. Does she like me or not? Will you be my best friend? You know, that kind of thing is about being liked. It has a whole different component to it that feels connecting in a way that kind of is almost salve to the soul. 

 

Laura Dugger: Oh, that's so good. And for anyone listening who is local to Atlanta, you are so lucky to have Vickie around the corner. We're going to link to her website in our show notes today. [00:38:57] And if you would like to reach out to her, she is currently receiving new clients and would love to hear from you. Today has been such a gift. Thank you so much for sharing your savvy ways with us. 

 

Vickie George: You are more than welcome. 

 

Laura Dugger: One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners and God is perfect and holy, so He cannot be in the presence of sin. Therefore, we're separated from Him.

 

This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute.

 

This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. [00:40:00] That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. 

 

We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 

 

So would you pray with me now? Heavenly, Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change their lives now for eternity. In Jesus name, we pray, amen. [00:41:00] 

 

If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him, you get the opportunity to live your life for Him. 

 

At this podcast, we are called Savvy for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you're ready to get started?

 

First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision my parents took me to Barnes and Noble to get the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. Start by reading the book of John. 

 

Get connected locally, which basically means just tell someone who is part of the church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you. 

 

We want to celebrate with you too. So feel free to leave a comment for us if you made a decision for Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process. [00:42:01] 

 

Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today. 

 

If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.