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Practical Chats for Intentional Living
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Monday Oct 15, 2018
Monday Oct 15, 2018
[00:00:00] <music>
Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.
[00:00:17] <music>
Laura Dugger: Today's episode includes some thematic material. I want you to be aware before you listen in the presence of little ears. Today's message is brought to you by Chick-fil-A East Peoria. Stay tuned for insider tips we're going to share during the episode.
Adelle and I met while we were living in Indiana a few years ago. Each time we saw each other at church events or social gatherings, I found myself drawn to conversations with her. She had an inner peace that was evident, and when I learned about her story, I was speechless.
We're going to discuss many tragic events as she shares her story today, but it's all in light of a bigger story of God's redemption and restoration. Here's my chat with international speaker Adelle Dickie.
Welcome to the Savvy Sauce, Adelle.
Adelle Campbell Dickie: Thank you. Good morning. [00:01:17]
Laura Dugger: Good morning. So great to be with you. You are just an amazing woman with an extraordinary story. Will you share it with us?
Adelle Campbell Dickie: I'd be glad to. I wasn't raised in a Christian home, so at the age of five, I walked up the street and I heard music coming out of doors of a church and I would sit across the street and listen to that music. One day a lady came over and said that she taught a Sunday school class for children my age, would I like to come in?
I went in with a little sundress and no shoes on that morning and this lady knew who I was and she knew my family. So she sent me home that day and told me to ask my parents if I could come back. I began going to Sunday school each week.
When I would miss a Sunday, she would send me a postcard. And I thought that was a big deal. So for all those Sunday school teachers out there that don't think that they get through to children, this woman, just a postcard kept me coming to church. [00:02:23]
At the age of 12, that same lady told me about a church camp. She told me it was 10 days long and that she was a little concerned because I hadn't been away from home that long at the age of 12. But I was the youngest of five children. And as you can imagine, being the youngest, you do get teased a lot.
That year, my brothers and sisters had teased me about being adopted. And they went so far as to say they knew my name before I was adopted into our family. And it was so believable because my sisters were tiny and petite. And by the age of 12, I was already like five foot eight. So it was incredible that year when she invited me to leave. I thought, "Well, that'll be really good."
So I went to this church camp and even though I had heard all the stories, Sunday school, that is when I realized that that was a personal relationship that I could have with Christ. [00:03:25] Therefore, that week I accepted Christ as my personal Savior, and little did I know what that would mean for me.
As I went on, every year I would go back to that camp. It was like my food for the year. As I got a little bit older, I was in a youth group. When I turned 16, I decided I was going to go to the church in the next town because I could. I had met other kids from the church in the next town about 10 miles away at that camp.
So I went there. I wish I could say it was for great spiritual insight, but actually, it was because I knew all the kids in my youth group and I thought, "Well, I'm going to go over there and make new friends and get to know new people." That was a great opportunity for me. I began to build my foundation through going to that youth group. I would go each Sunday evening.
One Sunday afternoon, it was September 16th, it was a beautiful fall day and I was driving through the countryside and where I live there's a large Amish community and I loved looking at the horses. [00:04:36] I was 18 years old and that day when I was going through the countryside a little boy ran in front of my car and was killed instantly. The little boy that I hit was 5 years old at the time. My greatest fear became a reality.
I looked back at what I had learned in all of those camps and all of the things I had read in the Bible, and the two things I learned at the first camp I went to were Proverbs 3:5-6, trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not into your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He'll direct your path.
There was also another thing I learned, and it was a poem that goes, faith, fact, and feeling are sitting on a wall. Feeling falls off and pulls faith down, but the fact remains, and pulls faith back up, and sooner or later, along comes feelings.
My feelings were all over the place, and it had pulled my faith down, but the fact was that Jesus Christ was King of kings and Lord of lords, the same yesterday, today, and forever. [00:05:45] As I looked at that fact and continued to look at that fact, it pulled my faith back, and sooner or later, my feelings did come.
Proverbs 3:5-6 helped me so much because it said, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not into your own understanding." I could not understand how I was headed to a church meeting and a little boy could run in front of my car and be killed. Just that quick. It said, "Don't lean on to my own understanding, but in all my ways acknowledge Him and He would direct my path."
So I decided that would be my life first. I would acknowledge Him in all that I did, I would trust in Him and He has directed my path. But it was step by step. It's not like we can look down the road. It's like moment by moment, day by day. And that helped me tremendously.
Laura Dugger: That's incredible. I'm sure that you absolutely clung to that scripture. [00:06:48] What are some ways that God was directing your paths, even your path to that little boy's mom?
Adelle Campbell Dickie: There's quite a story with that mother. As I went on about 10 days later, the mother of the little boy was expecting her eighth child. She had seven boys and was overdue at that time for her eighth baby. In fact, on the way, when she heard the accident happen, on her way running out to the accident, she had fallen.
I had just finished a year of nursing school, so I was quite concerned for her. When she picked up little Daniel in her arms... she was an Amish lady. At that time there were no cell phones or anything. So there was a lady that stopped at the scene of the accident and we went on into the hospital where he was looked at, pronounced dead.
But Ruthann was the mother's name, and she was a wonderful woman. [00:07:49] Three days later, she gave birth to her first baby girl. I didn't know exactly what to do because I was only 18, but I wanted her to know that I was thinking of her. So our hospital in our small town in Indiana has 18 beds, I think at that time. And so it was really small. I went to the hospital and I delivered a rose to the nurse's station and I asked them to take it back to her and just to let her know that I was thinking of her.
A few days later, I received this letter from Ruthann and I want to read it for you. "Dear friend in Christ, the nurse just brought me the rose you brought. It was very thoughtful of you, and you'll never know how much it means to me. I had to think it's such a perfect flower, just like little Daniel's life here. Not that he was perfect because he was just like any normal child, but because he was just like a flower in the most beautiful part of his life, so innocent and sweet. [00:08:53]
Our prayer is always that we can, with God's help, bring our children up in such a way that we can give them back to the Lord someday. Al and I were talking all of this over, and perhaps this is the only way for some of them to get to Jesus.
Daniel did and said some things during these last weeks here that were truly a gift from God. We didn't know it or think of it then, but now they come to us. We are so glad and thankful for them. They are memories that greatly comfort us and, yes, even help us to smile.
This summer, some of the boys and I were talking of getting another new baby. I asked, what would you name the baby? And Daniel answered, even without thinking, 'Rachel'." So we decided to name our baby Rachel. I think it's a gift of God that we had that little talk and I think it's a comfort to know that God cares for us even in such small ways as that."
And now, last but not least, I want to tell you how glad I am that someone like you was chosen to fulfill God's will of taking Daniel to his heavenly home. [00:09:56] How hard it would have been had it been someone who did not know our Christ Jesus or maybe not cared. But with you, it's different. We both worship the same God, perhaps in different ways. May these words comfort you in the days to come, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth to those things which are before. Philippians 3:13.
I would not have believed that one could be comforted at a time like this before, but now it has happened to us. We can actually feel His peace and comfort upon us and we know it's because of all our prayers and your prayers and those of many friends and relatives. Our prayer for you is that you too may experience this same comfort and peace. Friends in Christ, Al, and Ruthann."
When I read that letter, I realized that Ruthann was a unique woman. She had an eighth-grade education, as that's all the Amish school goes to, but she wrote a letter that extended forgiveness in a way that most people don't ever have to do. [00:11:02] It made me think of Christ's forgiveness as He sent His only Son on the cross for me.
So that letter became a very treasured gift in my life. because that forgiveness gave me a freedom, just as Christ's forgiveness gives us a freedom. She gave me a freedom at the age of 18. I had been asked several times about forgiveness in the whole thing, but I realized that forgiving myself would be the hardest thing. I kept thinking, "If I would have left home one minute earlier, this wouldn't have happened. If I would have left home one minute later, this wouldn't happen." And yet, none of this was a surprise to God.
Forgiving myself was a difficult thing, but I realized if I didn't choose to forgive myself, then I negated what Christ did on the cross for me. Because forgiveness is what He sent His Son for. And if I didn't forgive myself, then I wasn't accepting His forgiveness in fullness. [00:12:08] So that was a lesson that was a gift to me from a mother whom I took her child's life. I think that's an incredible gift that she gave me.
Laura Dugger: That is so profound and I'm sure many are moved to tears just hearing how Christlike she was to you. But then your story continues. Let's start with: were there any people that came around to help comfort you and walk with you through your own journey of grief?
Adelle Campbell Dickie: There were a lot of people that had impacted my life throughout the whole time. The people that were leaders of the youth group were profoundly important in my life. They were like spiritual parents to me, since I didn't come from a church-going family. So they were very much encouragers and helpers during that time. [00:13:08]
Also, I had met a young man at church camp several years prior and had gotten to know him quite well. He was one of those guys that we became friends, but I wasn't interested in him. However, I did know that he was interested in me. Throughout the journey of this experience, he had been out in another state doing some work and came home, and his friendship was a very great encouragement.
He was a few years older. He was a solid Christian and what a great encourager. That friendship grew into a little bit more than that. The poor guy had to ask me several times, but as we looked back many years later, we realized he asked me to marry him 23 times before I finally said yes.
Laura Dugger: No.
Adelle Campbell Dickie: I wasn't an easy catch, but he always told me I was worth it. And so was he. At the young age of 19, I got married to Steve Campbell, and he was a blessing in my life. [00:14:16] We were only married a few years, and we found out we were expecting our first child, which I don't care how old women get to be, that's an exciting time of life and it's something we never forget.
I have a friend who, when she turned 100, I asked her, I said, "Do you remember expecting your first child?" And she said, "Well, of course I do." Now, she was a very young mom and she said, "I remember distinctly." But she said, "You know, back then we didn't have all these tests, but I can tell you one thing, we didn't need them. There was a time where you just knew." We laughed about that, but it's a treasured time in life.
We were only a few months into that pregnancy when my husband became ill. And being a nurse, I thought, "Well, I don't want to pamper him too much." So the day went on, and later in the day he told me he wasn't feeling well at all. I took him to the hospital because in that area of time, the doctor's office is closed at noon on Wednesdays and it happened to be a Wednesday in our area. [00:15:27]
So we went to an emergency room and they admitted him and they began to do tests on him. A few days later, they asked if they could have a conference with us. And we said, "Of course." We sat down and they told us that he had a congenital heart defect and that also he had a degenerative disease of the heart, and there was nothing they could do about it, and he would probably live seven to ten years.
We were quite devastated and yet we felt the presence of the Lord so strong. Once again, I referred back to Proverbs 3:5-6, trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not unto your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He'll direct our path. And that's what we did.
We looked at that, they said seven to ten years, and I remember distinctly thinking, "I was 22 at the time, and I thought, well, if he lives ten years, I'll be 32, and that's middle age, and life will be smoothed out by then. Now I laugh because I am twice that age. [00:16:35] So if 32 is middle age, I'm in big trouble in a few years here.
I can also remember they told us that because of his condition, we would have a problem because this could be very hereditary. They said our pregnancy was so young in that stage that we should consider an abortion. That was one time that I was so grateful that we had hidden God's Word in our heart and we knew that this was His plan in our life.
My husband looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, but we're not interested in that. God had a plan for us and we're going to follow through with it." They told us, "You know, you've had a lot of information given to you today. Why don't you come back in a week and we'll discuss that again." And my husband looked at him and said, We don't need to come back. " We already know that this is God's plan for our life."
That was a defining moment for us. I was so proud of him that he knew exactly what to say and what to do. [00:17:35] And that's why it's so important that we know ahead of time. We can't prepare for a crisis after a crisis has happened. That's why in the good times, we need to be nurturing our souls and our relationships with the Lord so that when trials do come we have what we need to sustain us through those, and we have the answers that He's given us ahead of time.
So, we left that hospital, and little did I know that in the next few months, there would be a lot of hospital trips. During my pregnancy, Steve had five surgeries in six months. He had pacemakers put in and they would fail and they tried several things. But still at the end of that nine-month pregnancy, we were very blessed with a healthy, happy, very normal nine-pound little boy and we named him Caleb. So God was very gracious to us.
We were fortunate that Steve was able to go back to work. We had owned our own business, and God provided a buyer for that business because it was a swimming pool company. [00:18:41] And even though Steve did most of the sales, he oftentimes helped with the manual labor and he would no longer be able to do that.
But he did have an English literature degree from college that I always teased him about, like, you know, if you're not going to teach English in college or in high school, what good is that? But it did open the doors for him in a company. He was a very good communicator. So God opened the doors in a corporation that provided very good insurance for us, and little did we know how much we would need that over the next few years.
So every step of the way God provided a path, and we took each step one step at a time. Oftentimes in life, I think we want to know our future. We want to plan everything out. And yet the way we're supposed to do things is one day at a time and live that day to the fullest. So that's what we did.
When Steve got his diagnosis, there were two things he looked at me and said. He said, "You know, I'm going to live till I die. A lot of people that get a diagnosis that they're not going to live long, they stop living." He said, "I'm going to live every day to the fullest and I'm going to live till I die." [00:19:53]
The other thing that he said that he lived out very well was he said, "For as much sickness as there is in our home, there's going to be a sixth sense of humor to balance it out." And that was exactly how we lived. We were always laughing in our home. He was always pulling some kind of prank on me. I learned very much to develop a sense of humor that I didn't have prior to marrying him.
He taught me how to really live in the joy of today. Sometimes it was standing behind a door and surprising me like that. Sometimes it was getting into a shower and realized that he had taken the shower head off, dried it out, poured Kool-Aid in it. So when I turned the shower head on, I was doused with red water instead of just shower water.
So there were several things we learned along the way that we need to learn to take today as the most important instead of looking so far down the future. [00:20:52] Not that we don't have to plan, because we do, but we need to make the most of each day.
That's one thing that I've really been appreciative of over my life, is learning to appreciate each person as they come. You know, maybe going into the grocery store and being kind to the checkout lady after you hear somebody that was snarly before you. Just take the opportunity to make each person that comes into your path, smile for some reason that day.
So those are the small things. But as life went on, we decided that we were going to have another child. Even though there was a risk involved, we realized that there was absolutely nothing wrong with our first child. So we got pregnant the second time and we were excited about that. Some of the other people in our lives weren't as excited and I realized then that we don't always have to share everything we think.
A lot of people shared with me that they couldn't believe we'd have a second child. They couldn't believe we'd go to the risk. And I just thought, "You know, this is already done. So I wasn't sure why they felt the need to give me their opinions." [00:22:06] But I've learned in my life that I don't always have to share my feelings with other people and my opinions when they're not positive. That wasn't a bad lesson at that time either.
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Adelle Campbell Dickie: So we were due on Thanksgiving and unfortunately my first pregnancy went a little long and so did my second because we delivered on Christmas Day. So that was a little long but we were very excited because we had a little girl and our family was complete.
Melissa weighed in at 10 pounds and Steve looked at me and said, "I don't think we should go for 11." And I'm like, what's this "we" business?" I didn't know one pound would make a difference to him. But we thought at 10 pounds, we had finished our family. And Melissa was just a delight and still is. [00:23:15]
I am very blessed. I always thought it was just an added little blessing that she was born on Christmas. People always talk to her about how awful it would be to have a birthday on Christmas. And she was always like, No, I was doubly blessed because we always had a party for her, like on the 5th of December for her school friends. And then she also got presents on Christmas for her birthday and Christmas. So she really didn't mind at all having a birthday on Christmas. So that worked out really well.
The next few years, life went on. I wish I could say it was smooth, but for us, it was normal. And oftentimes we look down the street and we want the normal of the house next door where, you know, if my husband worked those hours, then our life would be better. Or if my husband made the money that the neighbor across the way made, our life would be better. And yet normal is what's normal to you. For us, living with illness became a normal. [00:24:16]
We learned how to navigate that in the best way we could. And oftentimes that meant we would plan a vacation, but we'd never tell our children because in case Steve got sick, we didn't want to disappoint them. So it was always a surprise and it worked well for us. We just have to realize what is your normal? And can you learn to be content in your normal?
And that's what we chose to do. We learned to be content with what we had and the way our home ran. Our home ran differently than most people. Steve went to work, but by the time he got home, he was very tired. So I had to do a lot of the things that most men do. I took care of the outside of the home. But, you know, I had a father who taught me a lot of those things growing up, and I loved trailing him around. He worked on cars. He taught us how to work on cars. So I knew how to do a lot of things that a lot of my friends didn't know how to do. [00:25:14]
I can even remember Being grateful that my grandparents lived on a farm and as we were younger, I learned how to put roofing on. So when it came time to roof a house, I knew what to do. And I did have friends help me and actually they did it and I helped them. I was grateful for those things.
And you know, I really learned women's work. They talk about it never being done. It's true. You never finish your laundry. Every week we have that. But if you roof a house and you go past that for the next 20 years, it's done. So there were some advantages in all of those things, too.
But you have to look for the good in life. And that's what we chose to do. As he said, how much sickness there was, there was a sense of humor that balanced that out. And God gives us that gift. It says in Proverbs that laughter is good medicine. And oftentimes, we take life way too seriously. We need to laugh more often.
I always challenge people, when's the last time you made someone laugh? [00:26:15] Has it been so long that if you tried to make them laugh, they'd look at you like something was wrong or take you away or would they realize that your gift to them is making them laugh? So those are some of the practical things that we applied in our life.
Life was going along pretty well. Our children were seven and ten. I remember every year on September 16th, I would stay busy. That was the anniversary of the death of the little boy. And I remember this September 16th, my sister had asked me to help her move. She was moving from about 20 miles south of our home to about 10 or 15 miles north.
It was a very interesting day because September 16th, the day that I hit the little boy, was a beautiful fall day. That's why I had decided to go through the country and look at the horses. This September 16th, it was 14 years later and it was a rainy, misty day, so I was kind of glad I had something to do. [00:27:19]
My children had gotten up that morning. I sent them off to school. Caleb told me he had soccer practice, which I knew, and he was going to go right after school. Melissa asked me if she could go watch him, so I knew that they would be going right after school to their soccer practice.
My sister and I went down and loaded everything up into a truck, and I'm talking everything. We loaded her washer, dryer, stove, refrigerator, everything into this truck, and we headed back to our home. We were going to stop in our home and pick up the children and go on and start unloading.
When we got to my home, we had loaded up this truck, so we parked the truck in front of my home, went in the house, got a drink, and then I looked at my sister and I said, "We need to go check on the kids." So we got into my car. And that's only funny because I live on the edge of the park complex. We should have just walked through the backyard and out into the Little League fields. [00:28:20] But I was so tired that I said, "Let's just get in the car and drive around the block."
We drove around the block, but the kids weren't at the soccer practice field behind my home. So I thought, you know, I probably didn't listen well, and Caleb's soccer practice was probably at the private school just two blocks down. So I drove past the corner and went on down to the private school, and yet I saw no children.
So I looked at my sister and said, "You know, it's kind of rainy and misty, they probably didn't have soccer practice, and my kids are probably cutting through somebody's yard right now. We probably ought to go back home."
As we went around the corner again, I noticed when we had gone the first time, there were quite a few people on that corner, but I didn't think that much about it. As we came back around to go home again, I saw a little boy that I knew, he had played baseball with my son that summer, and I rolled my window down and I asked him, "What happened back on this corner?" He looked up at me and he said, "Caleb Campbell's little sister just got hit by a car." And I was stunned.
I was grateful I was in the car. Our hospital is only about five blocks from our home. So I turned the car, started to head towards the hospital, and I remember thinking, "We're going to get there and she's just going to be bumped and bruised." And then I remember also thinking, "We're going to get there and she's already going to be gone." [00:29:47]
So I pull up to the emergency room. I put my car into park and I ran into the emergency room. And if I wouldn't have gotten Melissa dressed that morning, "I wouldn't have known she was my child." But I looked and they were starting her heart back up as I walked into the room. They looked at me and they said, "She's in grave condition. We're going to try to get her stable here. And then we need to take her to the larger hospital about 25 miles from where we live." Actually in the town where my husband worked.
So they said, "You need to call your husband and have him meet you there." And I thought, "How do I call him with a heart condition and tell him this news without making the situation worse?" But I called and he answered his own phone that day, which back then in a corporation, oftentimes you had to go through secretaries or switchboards or whatever. But that day it went straight through. And I said, "Steve, Melissa's been hurt and we're going to bring her up to the hospital. Could you meet us there with the insurance information?" [00:30:49]
I thought if I kind of worded it like that he would know that I just needed that information, even though he knew that it had to be something large for them to transfer her up there.
After I hung up the phone with Steve, we all got into the ambulance. I had to ride in the front with the ambulance driver because the doctor and nurse got in the back with the EMTs and they were still working on Melissa, trying to make sure she stayed stable.
As we entered into the large town, I realized how grave of a situation it was because they had called ahead and there were police cars blocking each intersection so that the ambulance didn't even have to slow down, just rushed to the hospital.
When we got there to the trauma unit, they rushed her right in. They met with us and told us that they would be taking her back and doing some tests and assessments, and the doctors would be out shortly. [00:31:46] Well, that shortly wasn't quite as quick as I would have liked, but when they came out, they said, "Melissa is in such a grave condition that we're not going to be able to do any surgery on her to close the wound to her head. She had been thrown in the air by the car and landed on her head and her head had an explosive laceration."
So they didn't know exactly what the next 24 hours would bring and they told us that would be the critical period. After that 24 hours, they came to us and told us that she had lost so much blood that they needed to close the wounds, and there was a 50-50 chance of her making it through that surgery to close those wounds.
During that night, I realized that for the first time, I really understood what it meant to pray without ceasing. That no matter what happened when the nurses and doctors came to talk with us that I was in the attitude of prayer, that I was in communion with the Lord at all times during that time. [00:32:48] So therefore, I was praying without ceasing, even through the interruptions. And that was the first time I literally understood what that verse meant.
I also knew that I had prayed in the ambulance, and I didn't realize at the time, but I had prayed out loud, and the EMTs had told me later. But my prayer was this, "Lord, you gave her to us, and she's yours to take back. And I know, Lord, if you take her home to be with you, she'll be complete and whole. But Lord, I'm just asking that if you give her back to us, that you give her back complete and whole," or, Lord, I ask that you just take her." So I knew that during that surgery, it was a very important time.
They took her in and I knew if she came out that she was going to be fine. Otherwise, He was going to take her during that surgery. And I don't know how I knew that, but I did know that. And when they came out and told us that she made it through the surgery, I knew she was going to be fine. [00:33:50] What I didn't know was how long “fine” takes sometimes.
The doctors didn't quite agree with me. They told me that she was in a deep coma and if and when she came out, she would never be normal, that she had a brain stem injury, and that she would never be able to be anything but a vegetable if she did come out of the coma.
Over the next weeks, it was watching her lay there. She was on a ventilator at first. They were able to remove that. I never knew much about comas. I didn't realize that different parts of the brain wake up at different times. But that's exactly what happened. Her eyes were open at a certain point, but she couldn't see. She began to hear. That was the first thing that really came around.
She was in a deep coma for almost six weeks. And at the end of that six weeks, she wasn't fully out of her coma, but different parts woke up at different times. [00:34:51] The reason I say six weeks was that was the day that every single day she went to therapy and they worked with her. But at the end of six weeks, every day I would say to her, "Melissa, say hi, mom". And at the end of that six weeks, she looked at me and said, "Hi, mom." So I knew that she was going to be fine.
The doctors were quite amazed, actually. A few months later, as she was released from the hospital, the doctor looked at me and he said, "You do realize there's no medical reason this child's walking out of this hospital. And I said, "Yes, I realized that. I wasn't sure you would grasp that." But he was very gracious.
Melissa was hit on September 16th. She had to learn everything all over. She had to learn how to swallow, how to walk, how to talk. She not only learned those, she learned how to read and write. And by the end of the school year, she had not only learned all those things, but she had caught up with her class in school. So that took my greatest fear and allowed it to become a reality and turned it into a miracle. [00:35:57]
Those months were very difficult. There was one time where Steve collapsed, and he was on intensive care on a floor above Melissa. She was on intensive care, and the school called and said that Caleb wasn't doing very well in school. And I have to admit that the Holy Spirit took over because I was very kind to that teacher. I wanted to say, "You're kidding." But I said, "If she could just be patient with Caleb, I knew that he would be fine."
And it was incredible because a few days later, Steve was released from intensive care and Caleb was able to gain back his composure in school. I always say by the end of the school year when Melissa was released from the hospital, that she was not only a miracle, but Steve was back at work and Caleb somehow passed that grade in school too. [00:36:53] So God was really working overtime just to keep our family going. And I was so grateful for all of those things.
Laura Dugger: And now a brief message from our sponsor.
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Laura Dugger: Wow, there was so much trauma and drama that continued in your family. Will you keep walking us through Steve's story?
Adelle Campbell Dickie: Steve was doing quite well, actually, even after Melissa was injured. And then he began to decline rapidly. Living with a terminal illness, I don't really have an explanation to tell people other than saying it's kind of like coming down a ladder. And at different rungs, you pause for a while and that's the way his health was. He would decline for a little bit and then he'd pause there.
And to look at him, he looked normal, but his heart condition was degenerative. And so his energy level was very low. Within the year of Melissa's release, he had to retire from his work. I always say that all the things the world calls important were taken from Steve. [00:39:12] His ability to provide for his family. His position in the world and his health. And yet, because he knew who he was in Christ, he didn't sit around and feel sorry for himself, but he began to give to others in a way that he couldn't have when he worked.
He met with businessmen for breakfasts, and he would ask them how he could pray for them. He would meet with someone for lunch, and he would listen to them. And he was no longer a threat to anyone. So they were all very open to listen to him. He retired at the age of 36, so he was very young, and yet he learned to be content as Paul learned to be content.
I have to admit, it was a longer learning process for me than it was for him. I was concerned. He would just say, "Adelle, take one day at a time. God's provided for us. We're planning the best we can. You will be fine." He had learned to be content, and he had learned to trust in all ways. [00:40:14]
There were so many things going on in our life. Our children were growing and the next few years we learned a lot. Steve had a group of men that he met with on Thursday mornings and I had to go back to work. I had never been a provider. I had always worked part-time as a nurse. So our roles reversed. It came easily for him.
I always laughed because I always said he was a mother hen. But for me, it meant giving up a lot of things. As a mom, I wanted to hear the stories when the kids came home from school, and they never tell them the same twice. So he got to hear those stories, and yet God blessed us in so many ways.
The next few years there were a lot of adjustments and his health would decline a little, but he was always able to get around. He had a health issue and one time the kids came home and found him and they called and he was rushed to the hospital and he had a massive stroke. [00:41:19] He had to learn everything all over again, too.
It was very interesting how God worked even that out, because Melissa had to go through physical therapy, speech therapy, and occupational therapy. And here Steve was, shortly behind Melissa and we were assigned the same physical therapist, speech therapist, and occupational therapist for him, working with him after the stroke as we had with her. And you know, they had become family during that year of Melissa. So even in small ways, God blessed us.
I think Steve's recovery from that stroke was better because those women were so in tune to our family already, and they worked right along with us. He recovered his health in a way that, once again, doctors didn't expect. In fact, when he went into the hospital, they said he probably wouldn't last 24 hours. But by the end of that 24 hours, the doctor looked at us and said, "I'm not predicting for your family anymore because you guys just... you always make me look like an idiot." [00:42:24] And we just kind of laughed.
Over the next week, Steve did regain a lot. And through those therapists, he gained a lot back. He gave to a lot of people during those times. And yet one day, it was in the early part of May, they came and told me that Steve had collapsed. I wasn't surprised because many times he had an issue and I had to do CPR on him. There were times that he had to go back into the hospital.
So when they came and got me, I just thought it was another one of those times. But they said that he was at a restaurant meeting with a man that he had been praying with, and he collapsed. They did tell me that they had to do CPR, so that was the first time that had ever happened in public. They told me they weren't sure he would still be alive when I got to the hospital.
When I got there, he was not conscious, but it was shortly after that that he did come conscious. [00:43:24] They had put him on a ventilator, which we had no codes and no heroics at every hospital in our small area, but he had gone to visit a friend about an hour away. So they had done heroics, got him going again, and had him on a ventilator.
He came around and I looked at him and said, "You know, you just need to relax and let them help you and you'll be fine." And even through a ventilator in his mouth, he looked at me and mouthed, not this time. And so he knew. We transferred him back to the hospital that we had always worked with and he had five days that all our friends came in and family and they were all able to say goodbye to him.
And that fifth morning, Steve had wanted to get up into a chair and they had him on oxygen and, you know, he could breathe better sitting up. So he got into the reclining chair and I jumped into the bed and we had been lightly sleeping. [00:44:24] And I remember the monitors going off and I got up and out of bed and I kneeled down next to him and I took his hand and he said, "I love you" and he took his last breath. So that was the goodbye that we had.
You know, those five days were priceless. He looked at me and he said, "The only thing that we have a regret in is our time was too short. But God knows, and God has your future, and you need to trust in Him." So we had the opportunity of saying goodbye in a way that a lot of people don't. So I was very grateful for that.
The children were in and out of that. And yet that morning was the hardest of my life. I had to come home and tell my kids that their dad had gone to heaven. I don't know what I expected, but when I got home and I woke my son up, it was early in the morning, like six o'clock before school and I said, "Caleb, I just want you to know that your dad went to be with the Lord this morning." [00:45:27] And Caleb said, "You know, Mom, Dad wasn't able to golf this last year and I just bet he's on the greatest greens today." And he said, "I'm sure he's breathing with ease." And I just kind of was surprised.
I went and woke Melissa up and said, "You know, your dad went to be with the Lord this morning." And she said, "I wonder what his day is going to be like, Mom. No more suffering, no more hard time breathing." That day I said, you know, that's what we need to think about today: "I wonder what dad's day is going to be like today."
So people would come to our home expecting us to be in deep grief. And yet I think it's a great presence he gives us in that time of grief. A lot of people call it shock, but I just call it, it was a sweetness about that day. We just kept looking at each other, wondering, "I wonder what his day is like today."
And anytime in the next weeks that we were grieving and life was hard, we would look at each other and go, "Yeah, but I wonder what his day is like today." [00:46:31] Because none of us know what heaven's like, but we do know it's a lot greater than what we've got here on earth. So we can look forward to that and we're assured of that time and that... You know, as Steve would always talk about, we'll meet again. And so we were very blessed during those times.
Life changed a lot in the next year or two. I had to go to work full time and yet God had a plan in that and provided a job far greater than I would have ever anticipated. It was something I absolutely loved. It was going into churches. I was a marketing rep for church directories. So I met with pastors and had them sign contracts. I would go from church to church.
I always laughed because when I was little, I would ride in the car with my parents and I would always think, "I wonder what that church looks like inside. And I wonder what the people are like inside there." And yet God gave me a job that I got to go into the churches and see what they were like. [00:47:29] Frequently, I would go into sanctuaries and pray before I would go meet with the pastors. And God blessed us in such a great way during that time.
Then a few years later, I met another wonderful, godly man after my kids were grown and out of the home and I was able to get married again to a wonderful man named Bruce Dickie. I've just been so blessed I've now been married to him 19 years, which was just a little bit longer than I was married to Steve. So we always kind of laugh in our home, and we laughed the other day. I said, "Hey, I just want you to know you now have seniority." So we laugh at things most people wouldn't. But that's the gift that I think God has given us, to see the blessing in even the smallest ways.
And, yes, we've had a lot of heartache and tragedy, but I always say we've had more blessings in all of that. And we value the day in a greater way. [00:48:30] You know, that's just one of the greatest blessings, I think, that we've learned throughout the whole thing.
Laura Dugger: Well, Adelle, your gratitude is so inspiring. I really loved how you highlighted, through all of these circumstances, how God was especially tender and loving and personal to you. And there may be listeners today that are going through their own grieving process. It may look very different from yours, but what encouragement do you have for others to apply your life lessons to their situations?
Adelle Campbell Dickie: I've been asked that question enough that I've thought it through a lot, and there are four things that I think that I have applied in every situation that have helped me tremendously. The first one is I totally commit the situation to the Lord. The second is that I trust. I hang on to Proverbs 3:5-6 to this day in all my ways, acknowledge Him. [00:49:31]
Then I've learned to train myself in the good times. So get into His word, hide it in your heart. I train myself to praise Him daily. And for each of us, that praise looks a different way. For me, it's singing. So in the days that I don't feel the best, I put in some praise music and I sing along. And before I know it, I'm the one blessed through that praising.
Then, of course, as you notice, all of these are T's and that's only for my benefit so I can remember them all. But I totally commit, trust He has a plan for you. Train yourself in the good times because you can't prepare for a crisis after a crisis has happened. So we have to train ourselves in the good times.
The last one is turn our eyes not on what is seen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. No matter what my situation is, those are the four things that I look to. And I can always find encouragement as I do those. [00:50:32] I realized that I'm not in control, that God is, and nothing that happens is a surprise to Him. And I can trust Him in all of that.
Laura Dugger: And you have been such a great steward with your story, and you've spoken internationally. But if listeners want to follow up or connect with you, is there a place where they could find you online?
Adelle Campbell Dickie: I have a website AdelleDickie.com that they can get information from. But I'm on Facebook so Adelle Dickie on Facebook you can connect with me and any questions you can private message me through that. And that's the easiest way to get a hold of me at this point in time.
Laura Dugger: Perfect. We will link to all of that in the show notes so that they know how to spell your name.
Adelle Campbell Dickie: Oh yeah, that's true.
Laura Dugger: We've gone really deep today and you appreciate senses of humor and so we're going to end on a lighter note. We're called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge or discernment. So as our final question today, what is your savvy sauce? [00:51:38]
Adelle Campbell Dickie: Make somebody laugh today. If you do nothing else, make someone laugh today. There's nothing greater than sharing joy. That's my trademark. Let's just make somebody laugh.
Laura Dugger: I love that. Thank you so much for taking the time to dive into your story and thank you for the encouragement that you offer to each of us. I look up to you in so many ways.
Adelle Campbell Dickie: Thank you for having me. It's been a delight to be with you, and I love getting to know you more.
Laura Dugger: Well, thanks Adelle. Take care.
One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners and God is perfect and holy, so He cannot be in the presence of sin. Therefore, we're separated from Him.
This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. [00:52:38] So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute.
This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus.
We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
So would you pray with me now? [00:53:38] Heavenly, Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change their lives now for eternity. In Jesus name, we pray, amen.
If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him, you get the opportunity to live your life for Him.
At this podcast, we are called Savvy for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you're ready to get started?
First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision my parents took me to Barnes and Noble to get the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. Start by reading the book of John.
Get connected locally, which basically means just tell someone who is part of the church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. [00:54:41] I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.
We want to celebrate with you too. So feel free to leave a comment for us if you made a decision for Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.
Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.
If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.
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