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Practical Chats for Intentional Living
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Monday Oct 08, 2018
Monday Oct 08, 2018
[00:00:00] <music>
Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.
[00:00:19] <music>
Laura Dugger: Today's message is brought to you by Chick-fil-A East Peoria. Stay tuned for insider tips we're going to share during the episode.
Today it is my privilege to get to interview Devi Titus. She's an internationally known author and speaker and she has incredible wisdom to share.
If you've ever wondered why it's so important to gather at the table and why that has such a profound impact on our lives, Stay tuned while Devi unpacks what she calls The Table Principle. Here's our chat.
Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Devi.
Devi Titus: Oh, thank you, Laura. It's such a pleasure to be here.
Laura Dugger: Well, we're glad you're joining us today. Can you give all of us just a brief snapshot of your life?
Devi Titus: Well, I am married for 54 years to a wonderful man who was called into ministry as a young boy. [00:01:19] He was in full-time ministry when we married. I was 17 years old, he was 21. We pastored for 37 years as senior pastors, and since 2002, we have developed a missions organization and we work in 24 nations.
We have two children, we have six grandchildren, we have 10 and the 11th on the way great-grandchildren. So if we refer to the Titus 2 woman in the New Testament where the passage is older women teach younger women, I am a real Titus older woman.
Laura Dugger: That's an incredible, rich life. Thank you for sharing. Let's even glance further back into your past. How did your own mother model biblical principles?
Devi Titus: Oh, thank you for asking that. [00:02:19] My mother is 95 years old and she is still very, very active. So my mom, for her generation, was a full-time working mother. We were a lower middle-class income family. Both my mother and father worked. They worked very long hours.
My father was saved when I was five years old. My mother grew up in a Christian home, recommitted her life to Jesus a few years prior to my father. My mother and father were both biblical examples. We attended church regularly. We were taught to respect authority. What is essential to a Christian life my mother and father lived.
You know, there's a saying that there's more caught than taught. Of course, they taught us, but the way they lived created a lifestyle within our home of love, of peace, of kindness, of consideration, of hospitality. [00:03:22] And my mother did this working full time as well.
In those days, we attended church probably four times a week: Sunday morning, Sunday night. We had a Tuesday night and a Thursday night. And then if you add a youth meeting to that, we were at church a lot. But they weren't pastors. They were faithful, hard workers and I wanted a home like theirs. I wanted to be a person like her. So that showed me the reality of practical Christian living.
Laura Dugger: That sounds like an incredible family of origin, and you've just been able to build upon those roots. What I've gathered from the resources I've read or listened to from yours, it sounds like you believe women are intended to be the primary influencers in their home. Is that right?
Devi Titus: Well, I do. It is a biblical conviction, and it's something that I have drawn from the scripture over the years, but also from observance. [00:04:23] We've pastored as lead pastors for 37 years, and then now we are in different kinds of churches every week in many different nations.
And what I have observed is that many, many women are married to very ungodly men, and they can raise godly children. But we have seldom seen a godly man married to a very ungodly woman raise godly children. So just practical results.
Then from biblical references, Psalm 128:3 says, a wife will be a fruitful vine in her house and her children will be like olive shoots around her table. So that is the development of character. The characteristic of an olive shoot is it becomes an olive tree and no storm in life can uproot an olive tree. So whether we work full-time or not, within our home, we are primary influence. [00:05:25]
Another, Proverbs 12:4 says, "A wife can either be a crown to her husband or as rottenness in his bones." Now, if you ask me, that's the primary influence not just in our home, but within our marriage. We can choose for it to be positive or negative. I could go on and on.
Another passage, Titus 2:4-5, is a list of seven attributes that we are to transfer from generation to generation older women teaching younger women to love their husband, love their children, to be pure chase. But it says to be keepers of the home which in the Greek means "to guard." So we have the primary influence over the atmosphere and we're assigned...
Actually, Paul was writing to Titus, a young pastor, to be sure that these Greek women in a very pagan Greek culture who were coming to learn about Christ and commit their life to Christ, remind them to leave the way their culture is and to come back. [00:06:29] It was Hebraic, actually, values. Come back to those values and become the primary influencer within your home. Be the guardian. Because in that time, women had left their homes. They were competing with men, they were leading the businesses in that culture. They were even so successful, they were idolized and the Greeks began making female gods to worship. So we are primary influencers, not just in our home, but in our culture and our society. It's the way God created us.
Laura Dugger: That is fascinating to hear all of that scripture put together. And just for clarification, do you believe that this just applies then to stay-at-home moms?
Devi Titus: Oh, absolutely not. We would be in big trouble if that were the case. Look at history. Let's just take American history. The Revolutionary War, for example. We were fighting for our freedom in America and our freedom from England. [00:07:29] And in doing so, all of the men, the professionals, the lawyers, the bakers, the farmers, they all left their professions, saddled a horse and they took off into battle and the women totally ran our nation. They took over all the businesses. They had the duties of the house, the responsibility. Many of them lost their husbands in battle and in war.
So life brings circumstances that we rise to. I don't think it's ever an argument, should a woman be educated, a professional, or should she stay at home as if we are making a choice one or the other? God designed the home to be the institution where the human heart is formed. So if we are a professional and we work outside of our home, we still come home to a home, a family, if we're married, a husband, or we could be alone. [00:08:32]
The home is the place that God created for your hearts to really have the security that love and peace brings. God designed that. It doesn't have anything to do with our status in life, our education in life, our financial or social status or whatever our professional titles might be.
Home is home, and we all have a home. It might be a shack, it might be under a tent or under some tree leaves in some places in the world. But we will find a place to create shelter. Even if it's homeless, they have a home. It's under the bridge. So we all create a home.
Laura Dugger: Thank you for that clarification. I know you've written about women maintaining the sanctity and dignity of their home. So what are some reasons that women, even with the best of intentions, may have unintentionally let some of their other priorities undermine their focus on maintaining that sanctity and dignity of their home? [00:09:43]
Devi Titus: I think most of it is unintentional instead of intentional, and I really think it's because of a lack of knowledge. Because when we have a conviction about something, it gives us the courage to face what needs to be faced in order to change. But we are living in America two generations of a major, major disintegration of the family. So most women don't even have a paradigm of what dignity even is in her personal life, let alone in her house.
The root word for 'dignity', it actually means 'worth'. So when I talk about restoring the dignity of the home, what I mean is I'm restoring in your mindset the way you think about the home in relationship to the human hearts who live there. They have worth and the home itself has worth or value in relationship to you who live there. [00:10:50]
So I'm educating women to understand that so then we can rise to it. So I think women just live with a lower value of the home because they haven't been taught. We're two generations away from mothers really understanding it herself and being able to transfer that value to her daughters.
Laura Dugger: That's so interesting. If somebody wants to grow more in this area, you and your daughter have just written an incredible book that does train women on both how and why to make their home a place of love and peace.
I just love one of your quotes, and it says, "I can determine a person's values by looking at her checkbook, her calendar, and her home order. Regardless of what she claims her values are, the truth is the way she spends her money and time and the manner in which she lives in her home reveal the things that are truly most important to her." [00:11:55]
I just love that you challenge us to evaluate our true values and then prioritize appropriately. That leads into one of the sections of your book is something that you call the "use what you have" principle. Can you just share what you mean by that?
Devi Titus: Oh, Laura, you've just asked such wonderful questions. I love that. The "use what you have" principle is birthed out of the text, Matthew 25, beginning at verse 13. Jesus is actually telling His disciples what the kingdom is, and He used a parable. We commonly refer to it as the parable of the talents.
So He said the kingdom is like a man going on a journey, and He's going to divide his possessions among three different kinds of people, each according to their ability. In the kingdom, Jesus looks at where we are, what is our season in life, He trusts us with responsibility according to our ability. [00:13:01]
So He never expects things from us that we can't rise to and accomplish. This parable points that out. But the basic principle in the parable is he who is faithful with a few things will become ruler over many things. And as Jesus was telling the story, He said, the master is going to come back and ask you, how did you use what you have?
When we read that story as a parable, we must realize that Jesus actually, although He didn't reveal it, was talking about Himself because He was going to be the master who would go away and then He would trust the responsibility to the next generation to sustain His teachings and the lifestyle that He demonstrated and to pass it on to others. [00:13:59]
So the disciples had a responsibility to use what they had, just like I do. We have houses, we have cars. My father was a simple man. He wasn't educated... or higher educated. He committed his life to Jesus when I was 5 years old. And as soon as he did, he said, "Mom, I want to buy a station wagon." In those days, it was a nine-passenger car. We only had two children. We didn't need it. But he saw the field workers' children in the agriculture area that we lived in California, and he said, "If I don't use my car and drive out to pick up those children, they will never hear about Jesus. That was me when I was a child. I lived in that kind of place. And for me, Jesus Christ was only a curse word. I didn't know He was the Savior. I don't want them to wait until they are an adult like I did. So I used what I had." [00:15:00]
You know, I tell this story because I had spoken to several thousand women at a conference and the lady waited to speak with me afterwards. And I told this story and she said, "Devi, I loved your message, and the story just touched me so much. I want to ask you a question. Is your father's name Moffett Walker?
She was a lady about 50 years old. And I said, "Yes." How in the world would you know my dad's name?" She said, "I was one of those children." Then her son was a youth pastor of a huge Bay Area youth group of several thousand a week. It was like a major revival. So here was even a second generation of my father using a simple principle. What he had was a car. He wasn't a preacher, he didn't go to seminary. He was a butcher. But the kingdom is to be built by all of us using what we have. [00:16:02]
Jesus said, "If you will just give them a cup of cold water in my name, I will be there." So I challenge everybody, instead of complaining what you don't have, look at what you have because Jesus has trusted you with it and He is going to come back and ask you, have you been faithful with a few things because I wanted to give you more.
But the truth is, if you don't keep one toilet clean, you're not going to have a house with five toilets. You won't keep those clean either. Because sometimes we think, "Oh, if my house was bigger. Oh, if we owned a house and didn't live in an apartment. Oh, if I had more than a studio." No, let's maximize what we have, make it the best possible, steward it, maximize its potential — that's the 'use what you have' principle — be faithful with that, and He will trust you with more. [00:17:03]
And that's not just physical things. That's influence, it's telling your story. It's every aspect of what He has done for you in your life isn't for self-absorption, it's to be shared. So that's the principle.
Laura Dugger: Oh, I love that. You explain it so well. What an incredible story how that came around full circle. And I think it just illustrates that none of us are exempt from this expectation.
Devi Titus: No, no. And equipped. Jesus said, each according to their ability. We are equipped. You know what I have found in my personal life? I said I married at 17, so that tells you immediately I didn't go to university. I graduated from high school. And you can kind of see the accomplishments that God has allowed me to rise to. But that didn't come overnight. It came by me writing one three-page magazine article. [00:18:04] And before I wrote the article, I had to have something to write about that was legitimate.
So it really became me being faithful in my home, serving my husband as a pastor, and just being faithful with each day, maximizing that day and making that day the best it could be, given the circumstance that day brought.
So sometimes we get tragedy in a day. But we can rise to that tragedy the best we can and then He'll take us through it. He'll meet us there and expand it. I truly believe, for me personally, I think He's even expanded my intellect. I wasn't considered, you know, the honor roll student or that sort of thing. Then I think of the capacity that he has given me, even the thinking capacity, the skill capacity, the creative capacity. None of that was developed as a young woman. It just kept increasing as I was faithful with where I was at the time. But I never had goals to do what I do now. [00:19:19] I was just faithful where I was, and God would trust me with the next thing.
Laura Dugger: Well, and He's certainly gifted you in so many areas, and definitely teaching is one of those. I remember hearing you speak a while back on the table principle, and it was so impactful. I wasn't even married at the time, but I was able even to apply that immediately to my life. And it continues to now be foundational in our growing family. So would you just elaborate for our listeners what you mean by the table principle?
Devi Titus: Sure. It was in the year 2000. I had risen by that time, I guess you would call it risen, to a place where I was speaking to large conferences, many thousands. And I had just come home from a big millennial celebration, 4,000 women at a convention center. And instead of coming home exhilarated, thanking God for the opportunity, I was grateful, I came home saddened. [00:20:20] And the conference was fabulous. Nothing could have been better. Phenomenal prayer, spirit, worship, all of the components of a great gathering.
But the reason I was so dissatisfied, I had just received knowledge or information from the George Barnett group that the divorce rate was higher among church-attending families than non-church-attending families. And that troubled me so much. Larry and I really devoted ourselves to the church. Our churches grew. We were very relational. We saw people's lives transformed, their families strengthened. It was a fruitful season in our life. But there's a lot of sacrifices that you make when you're in ministry, and we made those willingly.
However, I felt like in the moment that we had wasted our time, like, what are we doing? And then I just sort of in my mind calculated the hundreds of thousands of dollars that were spent on that conference and multiply that times however many there are in a year just in America let alone in the world. [00:21:27] And I just said, God, there's got to be a principle that's in the word that can make a difference. And that's what propelled me to research.
The Lord brought the word table to my mind. I did a biblical research from the beginning to the end and I discovered that topic that I had never heard a sermon on, there were no books that I could find written on it at the time, it was always spiritualized and yet there was such a practicality about the table with supernatural.
So simultaneous to that I saw academic research that said, from our top universities, that people who eat at a table five times a week their children are less likely to be on drugs, experiments with sex, to be in depression, commit suicide. And the professionals said we don't know why, we just know it works. Something almost, their quotes, were mystical, magical, supernatural happens at the table. [00:22:29]
Well, in my biblical research, I thought, If they don't know why, God, you know why. You designed the human heart. So why is it? Why does it matter if we eat meals at a table? In my research, I found that God designed the very first table. This is in Exodus 25. And He designed it actually for the purpose of redemption.
This was the second piece of furniture in the tabernacle, and it's where the text says, "I want you to make a table," God's talking to Moses, "I want you to set the table with dishes, pitchers, plates, and bowls. And then on that table, I want you to put the bread of the presence."
The bread of the presence was the presence of Christ. And at the table is where the priest did the ritual. He brought the blood of the lamb to the bread of the presence at the table, went through a ritual of purification so he could go into the presence of God on your behalf and your sins would be forgiven. [00:23:29] That was 3,400 years ago.
So from that point on, with my research, I began thinking of common scriptures that we know. Psalm 23, "He prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies. Revelations 4 says, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." If any man hears my voice and opens the door, I want to come in and eat with you."
And then I went through many, many, many verses and began seeing that shame is lifted. Mephibosheth, he was... well, that was abandonment, not shame. Mephibosheth was abandoned, he was crippled, his father died, and David said, "Go find him, I have an inheritance to give to him." And then David said, "You will always eat at my table."
Because money can't replace what abandonment creates. Abandonment… and we are moms abandoning our children within our own homes by being gone from them, leaving them alone, not engaging emotionally with them, texting them from room to room. We're disconnecting instead of connecting. Abandonment always affects self-confidence or self-esteem. And David restored that by saying, "You will always eat at my table."
We think about Jesus right now, He's preparing for us in eternity. What is He doing? He is preparing the married supper of the Lamb. So, we will sit at a table before Him before we would be at an altar with Him, or we think of bowing before Him, worshiping. No, we're going to dine with Him, eye to eye, face to face, and have conversation. To me, this is so phenomenal. [00:25:21]
So, in my research, I began connecting the way God developed the human soul. The eye is the entrance to the heart. The table is the only place that we sit eye-to-eye, face-to-face, 42 inches apart, and have a conversation. And that is connection. That creates deeper, more meaningful relationships. And it was God's intention from the design of the first table for it to be a place of redemption.
Of course, Jesus on the cross became the Lamb of God who takes away our sins so we never have to go through a priest again, but we come to the table with one another, we resolve our problems, we strengthen and encourage each other.
And then I looked and thought, well, my goodness, where do warring nations, where do they resolve and come to a treaty or an agreement? They always have their peace talks not in the palace parlors, but they have their peace talks at a table. [00:26:28]
So I believe that the table is truly the family altar. And while we don't have to quote scriptures while we're there We do want to remember that at the Last Supper Jesus broke the bread and took the cup. So once again 1,360 some years later we have Jesus with the cup and the bread or the blood and the bread the symbol of that of His body that would be broken the next day.
And Here's what he said, "As often as you do this, remember Me." He wasn't referring to a ritual at church once a month or once a week or every day. He said, "As often as you do this..." So I asked you a question: What is "this"? They were eating together a meal again and He said, "I won't be here for your next meals, but every meal that you eat, I want you to remember."
And He demonstrated redemption. I want you to remember because of what's gonna happen tomorrow with the bread and the blood, with My body, My flesh, and My blood. [00:27:36] There is no problem that you will go through that cannot be resolved. There is no sin you will commit that cannot be forgiven. And together as a family, eye to eye, face to face, I will be there with you at the table.
So from the beginning of history of redemption until right now, until eternity, at the marriage supper of the lamb, the table will always be significant. Does His presence dwell there? No. His presence now dwells in human hearts. From the cross, we never have to go through a priest. God's presence then moved from the temple in the Holy of Holies to the human hearts, we became His temple.
So when we sit at a table eye to eye, face to face, heart to heart, with vulnerability and openness, the supernatural presence of God within us in this environment that He created for purity, for redemption, will give us the wisdom, the knowledge, the discernment, the insight that we will need, the miracles that we will need to resolve whatever we're facing. [00:28:53]
So coming to the table is really essential in even the socialization and character development of children. It's where all character is formed. Children learn how to share, they learn how to be grateful, they learn, of course, how to pray, they learn how to wait their turn, they learn to respect authority, they learn to have conversation if you sit them at the table.
And it needs to start very young in a high chair with a little table eye-to-eye, face-to-face. Don't trap them in that chair and you go check your email or sit there on your phone and look up every now and then. But instead, eye-to-eye, face-to-face, talk to them and you will begin giving them a sense of significance, security, and love.
And those are the three essential emotions that every human soul must have satisfied in order to flourish. So the table's essential. There's the principle. [00:29:54]
Laura Dugger: That is so beautifully said and explained. And now a brief message from our sponsor.
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Laura Dugger: I just love that you base all of this on biblical principles as well. From Psalm 23 that you were quoting earlier, I know you've given talks before about that conclusion of that chapter and how that ties into parenting, could you elaborate on that?
Devi Titus: Yes. Well, the conclusion of Psalm 23 is "surely goodness and mercy..." I love The Living. It says, unfailing love will follow me. The Living says, "...will pursue me" all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. So this is a conclusion or a result of what is contained in that chapter. Sometimes some chapters can become so familiar to us we lose the point or the content. [00:32:01]
This passage is often used to comfort people who are mourning and grieving a loss of a loved one at a funeral or a memorial service. And then we forget to really look at what is it saying. So the desire of every parent, when I complete, I have adult children, I have adult grandchildren. So we have three generations to look at from us. We have five living generations. But surely goodness and mercy will follow them all the days of their life. And my desire is that they will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. When I'm finished raising my family and they live on their own that is the result.
There are four action steps that are in Psalm 23. These are verbs. "He makes me, He leads me, He restores me and he guides me. So if you look at those four action steps and you look at them through the eyes of parenting, discipline is essential. [00:33:07]
So there are things in the beginning of developing the character of our children, you just have to make them do. An external discipline eventually creates an internal discipline or self-control. But first you have to control them on the outside before they have the ability to control themselves on the inside.
And the shepherd knew that. He makes us lie down. He doesn't give us a choice to keep running around in the dry pasture. When He has a green pasture, he said, "I want you here. Do it." And He makes us do it. So look at your parenting and see what are the areas that I'm casual, that I'm permissive in? It doesn't seem to really matter. Yes, it matters. It matters. There are behaviors you have to insist on with your children. You cannot allow them to disrespect. So this means respect people, respect property, and respect authority. [00:34:10] So He makes me. Discipline is essential.
He leads me. That's training by example. Do what I do. So look at your own life and say, "What are some of my habits that if they were exactly lived out by my children, would I be proud of them? Is this the way I want them to be?" The thing that comes to my mind initially is the way we talk, the tone of voice we use, the insensitivity that we have in the choice of our words. And we just so easily go by our emotions instead of considering: how are my words in this moment when I am feeling a lot of adrenaline pumping, how are my words or the tone of my voice going to translate to the people that I love?
So I think one of the biggest failures we have within our home is really monitoring how we talk to each other. But ask yourself, if my children become men and women who speak like this to their employer, the way I'm speaking to their father, is that going to be okay? [00:35:19] Because I am to lead you in the way you should go. And that means you should be able to exactly follow me.
Do I keep my word? I want my children to keep my word. So we can't always change every appointment, making excuses. Are they hearing you tell little lies of why you were late? You were late because you left late. You weren't late because of the traffic. So, you know, things like that, it adds up. Leading is example.
He restores me. So create an atmosphere in your home where failure is not devastation. Failure is a step to success. So if a child fails a test, you studied hard, but they still didn't do well. Restore them. Encourage them. Build them up. Work with them.
Find out what is the reason after we studied well that they panicked and didn't do well. You knew they knew the answers, but why was it that when they looked at that sheet of paper, they weren't able to put on the paper what they knew? [00:36:23] And restore their confidence. Restore your husband's confidence when he loses his job. Don't heap guilt on them because failure is essential to success.
And then he guides me. What's the difference in leading and guiding? Some translations repeat the word "leading". I love the separation with the two kinds of words. "To guide" is to instruct. If you were going through a museum and you had a personal guide, they would take you through that museum and they would give you instruction on things you may not know. So they would educate you.
I think it's important in the environment of our home that we don't bark out orders, give assignments to our children to do something when we've never really shown them how to do it. You're training bad habits. For example, if you require a child to make a bed, they need to be old enough to be able to make that bed well, number one. [00:37:25] Don't give that assignment to a four-year-old because their bed won't be made like you make it. They know it doesn't look like you do.
But don't affirm them for something that they can see isn't done well. Then you're affirming something that they need to rise to. Wait until they're old enough or age-appropriate, give them the assignment after you have shown them how. So sort of the formula is, you do it, let them watch you. Then you do it, let them do it with you. And then let them do it and you watch them, and then they do it on their own. So that's the step. And that's what guiding does. It's instructing. Here's why we do what we do.
That forms convictions in each other, and the end result of that is that their character is formed. They're now sensitive to others. They consider others more important than themselves. [00:38:27] They're good, and lovingkindness will follow them. They will be kind and loving to others because you've been kind and loving to them all the days of their life.
And with this kind of character, just remember, moms, character is formed before spirituality. So character is the soil Jesus was talking about. That when the seed of the Word of God is planted in good soil, it will take root and it will grow. But if the soil is hard, so if the character is hard, if the heart is hard, if it has been wounded and hurt, and they fear, they fear rejection, then the seed of the word of God can be sown in a hard heart, and it'll just grow a little bit, but when a storm in life comes, the word says that the roots didn't go deep, their character wasn't deep, and that word of God will fail. [00:39:25] It'll wither. It'll die. They won't remember it. It will not take root.
This is really, I think, one of the best parenting chapters in the Bible. I've never heard anyone else teach this passage on parenting as I do. Now others are because I've been able to sow this understanding in them. And I love the fact that this revelation passes on. It's awesome.
Laura Dugger: It is so awesome. You were the first one I heard it from. I just think it's incredible that you've talked about Psalm 23. And as a parenting chapter, it has the table principle in it.
Devi Titus: It does.
Laura Dugger: As we go back to the table principle, do you have any practical steps that each of us can take to accept this challenge to prepare our tables and hopefully invite others to dine with us?
Devi Titus: Oh, I do. Just one of the practical steps is when you unload your dishwasher, instead of putting your dishes back in a cupboard, put them right back on the table. You may not get to the table on that night. It might be two nights away but put the dishes back on the table. The family will know that it is your intention in our busy schedule to come back here. [00:40:41]
Research says an average of five times a week. We have 21 meals a week. Don't make this legalistic. Every meal doesn't have to be at the table. But you cannot go week after week without connecting. You must come to the table. So that's one quick practical way.
Another practical thing is if you are a working mom, your children are young, of course, you want to train each child. Everybody, it's a place of participation. If that is home, hopefully he will model it too. You can have a conversation with him. If you're a single mom, at the end of a meal, everybody takes the responsibility to carry their plate to the sink. If they're old enough, they can rinse their own plate, put it in the dishwasher. So everybody's participating in the principle. [00:41:30]
Then when you sit down to eat, be sure that the atmosphere at the table is a conversational atmosphere. What was the best part of your day, the worst part of your day? Did you get angry or lose it (at what)? And make it okay for them to express it. It is not a place of correction. Remember it is a place of purification and redemption.
So you can make your corrections other times, even if you hear something at the table that needs to be corrected. They may say something that you don't agree with, then just wait and later say, "You know, I was thinking about what you said at the table, and there's just some input that I want to give you regarding the way you were thinking on that that I might think would help you next time to respond differently. But don't pounce at the table when your children or your family share.
Another practical thing is utilize food services. Yes, we can have some simple, quick meals in 30 minutes. There are some recipes in my book that are very easy, very simple to assemble, and delicious and easy. [00:42:40] But if you need to stop at a deli on your way home and buy things that are already prepared that you just warm up, if you need to stop and do carry out, come home, put it in serving dishes and serve it at the table. So don't cancel coming to the table because you don't have time to cook.
The most important thing is eye-to-eye, face-to-face conversation, so be sure that's included. I think it's good to keep the table attractive, keep it changing, depending on the ages of your family, of course. By all means, use colorful paper plates and make it as cute as can be and quick to clean up on those busy nights, lots of homework, or you have a youth group or something to attend at 7, you can do that earlier. Or the night that you have something to attend could be your non-table night.
But I think preparation is, she prepares her meat... Proverbs says. Proverbs 9:2, She prepares her meat, she mixes her wine, she also sets her table. [00:43:47] So those are just some quick practical things.
Laura Dugger: Wow, Devi, these principles really are life-changing. What do you think are the best ways to pass these principles along to our children or people that we mentor?
Devi Titus: Well, of course, if it's children at home, they're going to learn these principles through experience. That's number one. I experienced it, and I learned them without knowing the biblical attachment to the verses, the principle. I learned it by doing it. And I loved it, so I wanted to do it. And it was many years that this was a value to us, but I didn't know why. Now I can articulate it.
But if you're mentoring someone of the next generation, never had this experience, they're busy, maybe they're young professionals, they have three young kids, their husband is building his career and not home a lot, and you may work shift work where it's really challenging. [00:44:42] I think the most important thing is just to show some simple passages in the scripture that I have shown you to develop a conviction that it's important. Once we have a conviction that something is important, we will be motivated to make it happen.
So at your table that is prepared, bring that person to have a conversation and let them experience it a while before you really, really teach it. And then unfold it a little at a time so it can be embedded. "Wow, this is real. This is true. We don't do it, but I want to do it." And I encourage them, you know what? If you don't quite believe it or think, oh, that's for some or not for others, but you're struggling with connection in your relationships, just try it and prove it.
The word can be proven. So try it and prove it and see. Be consistent and see what happens and test it. [00:45:46] I have hundreds, maybe thousands of stories of women who have done that with unbelievable results.
Laura Dugger: That's incredible. I'm sure everyone listening is just loving this information that you're sharing. So if they do want to connect further with you or purchase some of your resources to dive deeper into this content, where can they find you?
Devi Titus: Oh, thank you for asking. My name is Devi, D-E-V as in Victor, or Victorious, I. Titus, T-I-T-U-S. So Devititus.com. And in the store on my website you will see several books. The Home Experience book is a large pictorial coffee table book. How to Make Your Home a Place of Love and Peace. One chapter, the second chapter, includes the Table of Principles. That book is divided into essential principles, vital relationship skills, conflict management, and then practical subjects.
I also wrote a standalone read book. In other words, it's not a coffee table book. It's a regular book that you read that has all of my research on the table. It's called The Table Experience: Commemorative Edition: Discover What Creates Deeper, More Meaningful Relationships. That book will go into depth with academic professionals, doctors, literacy experts.
I married our academic research to biblical research to show to you in a case to prove that this is vital, it is important and it mustn't be ignored. And then woven into that text I give you practical ways to do it and tips and you know, some fun things as well. So, Devititus.com.
Laura Dugger: Thank you for sharing that. I can vouch for it. Owning your book myself and reading through it and sharing with friends, it is beautiful, practical, and helpful.
Devi Titus: Thank you.
Laura Dugger: I mean that sincerely. We are called The Savvy Sauce here because "savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge. So, as my final question for you today, Devi, what is your savvy sauce? [00:48:09]
Devi Titus: My savvy sauce is to make every day special for the person that you love the most. So if that is a husband, just be sure that day doesn't close without doing something small or big that will let him know that he is special to you.
So how do I do that? Sometimes it's a little note on his mirror after he has gone to bed, or if he loves dark chocolate, it might be a piece of dark chocolate sitting at his sink. It could be a special kind word, especially expressing gratitude. It could be the way I prepare his meal. It can be a small thing, but when you reach beyond yourself and make somebody else feel special, it brings contentment to you during that day, even if you're facing really hard things. So that's my savvy sauce for you. Look outside of yourself and do something special for someone else.
Laura Dugger: I love that. And it seems that you definitely live this out. And even as you say in your book, I'm going to read a quote from it. [00:49:09] You say, "It has been the mission of my life to restore the dignity, to elevate the sanctity, and to return people to the essential principles of home that allow people to flourish." I just want to say to you, well done, and just encourage you, Devi, that you are a woman of your word, and you're definitely having an impact with that exact mission. So, thank you for sharing that with us today.
Devi Titus: Oh, Laura, you're so encouraging, and it was a real honor to be able to speak into the hearts and the lives of your listeners. Thank you for giving me this opportunity.
Laura Dugger: Oh, my pleasure.
If you want to enter for your chance to win one of Devi Titus' beautiful coffee table books, titled Home Experience, then make sure you head over to our website, thesavvysauce.com, and click on the "Giveaways" tab for all the information you need to know for how to enter.
One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? [00:50:09] It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners and God is perfect and holy, so He cannot be in the presence of sin. Therefore, we're separated from Him.
This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute.
This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. [00:51:10]
We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
So would you pray with me now? Heavenly, Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change their lives now for eternity. In Jesus name, we pray, amen.
If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him, you get the opportunity to live your life for Him.
At this podcast, we are called Savvy for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you're ready to get started? [00:52:11]
First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision my parents took me to Barnes and Noble to get the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. Start by reading the book of John.
Get connected locally, which basically means just tell someone who is part of the church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.
We want to celebrate with you too. So feel free to leave a comment for us if you made a decision for Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.
Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.
If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.
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